Pray for Sandy Hook

Everything profound has already been said. I just ask for prayers and good wishes for this community.  I grew up very close to Newtown so it does hit quite close to home.  I can't imagine what it's like to be one of those children or one of the parents that has lost a child.  I only ask that people take a moment to remember. 

More young people working multiple jobs........Yes, we're educated too

When we youth complain about our lot in life, the older adults are quick to remind us how "easy" we have it, how they sacrificed to give us a better life, and how we just have to work harder. What these adults don't often realize is that, no, we don't have it easier. In fact, we have it much harder. We have to deal with huge government debts and a swath of problems overseas (caused by these generations of older adults) that we never had to deal with in the past. Now, in this economy, we have to work multiple jobs to survive. According to this article, more of us college graduates are taking multiple part time jobs. Not because we're actors who need the days for auditions, not because we want to live outside of the typical workweek, it's because now, we have to.

Guess what? When we were in high school, applying for colleges, doing sports, music, and community service to have that "well-rounded" application, no one ever imagined this as our lot. While I do believe in the value of a college education (both for the mind and the paycheck in the long run), it is amazing to me that adults in our lives sold us onto college with the idea of making money. Luckily, my parents didn't emphasize that (they just wanted us to be educated), but the parents of so many others did. Further, our teachers would in those "career clusters" we had to participate in. As long as you studied hard, you could make something of yourself.

They didn't tell us it was now more about networking. They didn't tell us that we may have to either afford to work at multiple full-time unpaid internships or do said internship and work at a part time job on top of it to pay the bills. Of course, for the latter, even if you swing the job, you still have to move to a major metropolitan area if you're not already in one. They talk, talk, talk about the importance of a budget, of the need to put money away for retirement, without realizing that there is no retirement. There are no savings, period. Many of us give up our weekends and hopes for vacations so that we can afford our rent. For many of us, moving back home is not an option (nothing in my field back home). What about grad school? I want an MBA-something that requires work experience and something I've been told to let someone else (an employer) pay for. Further, many of my friends who went to grad school or law school suffer even more, due to the increasing amount of debt and the dangers of specialization (study what you want, by any means, but don't pigeonhole yourself too much).

I know I have an opportunity for next year, something I've been very fortunate to have. However, I see the situation of several friends, who either intern (paid) full-time and still have to wait tables, who have applied to nearly 100 places with no interview and no, they won't allow you to follow up anymore, who went to law school and graduated at the top of their game with good internships only to find that no one was hiring lawyers anymore. I have friends who nailed that entry-level job only to find that it doesn't pay quite enough to live and they still need the college job on the weekends (sales associate, restaurant server) in order to even hope for anything extra. Even though they have enough, the economy takes a toll in a different way, the toll of little rest and relaxation.

People bemoan the destruction of values, of families. For many of us, values are important but survival comes first. As for families, we're told we should be independent of our families of origin and, even if we wanted to start our own, we're too poor and too unstable to do so. Trust me, God willing my own relationship survives a couple of years, I'd gladly marry my boyfriend and I always wanted to have my kids young. However, a lot of that depends on our ability to draw a steady paycheck. Everyone says the American dream is to give your kids better than what you had. Well, until I can attain something leading to that, I will not partake. Besides, a kid needs parents who are present, not parents who are working four jobs each to survive.

18-year-olds make me feel old....

I was at my restaurant job yesterday, rolling silverware with the other servers. Most of them were just turning eighteen, off to college and spending their summer working and hanging out with their friends. They were talking about their high school friends, previous travel experiences they took to beef up their college applications, and their adventures with fake ID's. It happens every summer. Each new crop of kids, some of whom used to be seating hosts, is now old enough to become a server and earn the accompanying pile 'o cash they can now spend for fun (those days seem forever ago to me). Old enough to know they're legal adults but young enough to still be protected by their parents, they live in a paradox of youthful arrogance and equally youthful naivete. I should know, I was there at one point (though I never had a fake....).

For the first time, however, I felt old. Not old as in, "My youth is done!" but old as in, that feels so far away from me. While they're thinking of summer parties and saying goodbye to friends and high school sweethearts, I'm looking for a new apartment and planning a budget on a stipend. While they are fretting over majors and focusing more on the social aspect of college, I'm contemplating career moves and grad school. While they can shop simply because they have the extra money, I'm making grocery lists and planning trips to Target to organize my space. While they can't wait to leave their parents, I miss mine. While they've been attending friends' Sweet Sixteens, I've been attending weddings. While they revel in the status of legal adulthood, I'm living an adult's life.

It's amazing to think that a human being can change so much in what seems to be so little. Four years ago, I was like them. I myself could not wait to get out of my small town (best decision I made after become Catholic and going to Kenya). I myself was so sure of things, whether of my dreams to be a doctor or of my high school sweetheart. While I did think of the future, my life was more about school clubs and friends. Of course, that all changed. My dreams changed, my relationship ended, I made new friends, and school clubs started giving way to jobs, internships and travel. I'm in a fairly new relationship now and realizing I made a much better decision this time around. I started living on my own and learned how to deal with banks and leases. While I'm a lot happier in DC, I realized that I do miss my family and coming home to visit is pretty nice. I learned that not making my bed every day just made me feel disorganized and that eating ice cream just because I could was the fastest way to sap my energy and make me need new clothes when I can't afford them. I learned that shit happens and all you can do is clean it yourself, regardless of whether you're the one who left it.

I understand why older adults yearn for that period of youth. You're so sure of yourself, because you do have some innocence, yet you're old enough to have freedom at the same time. For some of these kids, life hasn't complicated things for them yet, not through parental divorce, teen pregnancy, or the death of their friends. You feel the immense power of your youth, protecting you from all evils, feeling sure that nothing will ever happen to you. Yet, while all of this will disappear, it will give way to something greater. A feeling of purpose, a drive to succeed and contribute something worthy, a strength that allows you to pull through the difficulties. Friends who really do have your back, who choose to be loyal to you for no other reason than they simply want to. Maybe, one day, a partner who doesn't care about the loss of your youthful looks but loves you instead for what's inside and vows to stick with you till death do you part. Hopefully, it will give way to a greater capacity to love and to give, a sense of humility about your weaknesses and a sense of confidence about your strength. It is through this growth process that allows young people to become exactly what they wish to be.

That's part of why youth is so amazing. Not because of who you are at that time. It's because it allows you to choose who you will become. That's why we all hope to be forever young.

When bullying becomes dangerous

One of my childhood friends called me a few days ago. I was out, so I asked if I could call her back. She said yes. Later that night, when I got home, I checked my Facebook (as I usually do) and saw that she sent me a message. Her message included a link to news of a court case. From the first couple of lines, I knew it was about a dear friend of hers who committed suicide four years ago. Apparently, the boy was tormented by bullies to the extreme. While teachers had witnessed the event, my friend said that they would simply ask the bullies to calm down. The bullies were respected athletes and the teachers apparently cared more for their reputation than the boy's right to feel safe in a learning environment. Unfortunately, the judge declared that the school had no "special relationship" with the students and that they did not have responsibility in the death of this particular student. In response, my friend has written a petition to the U.S. Secretary of Education, stating a need to clarify teachers' roles in demanding accountability for bullies and making students feel safe. Here is the link to the petition as well as the link to the court case.

This all occurred in my friend's hometown, which unfortunately has a reputation for teen suicides. The reasons for these suicides involve excessive bullying. While I don't know all of the details for each individual student, it seems that there is an extreme lack of oversight into students' interactions. My friend is the daughter of a teacher (one who taught in that area) and is studying to become a teacher herself. Through her studies and her discussions with her mother, she has found that teachers must serve as "first responders" to crisis. While the teachers themselves may not have control of what students do at home, they do have the ability to intervene when a student faces intimidation or harassment. Through this, they have the ability to foster a respectful classroom community. As my friend witnessed, they did not. Due to teachers' authority and responsibility, it is natural that she finds this criminal.

I am asking all of you to please sign my friend's petition. In the U.S., it's obligatory to educate our children, usually by having them attend school 180 days of the year. As such, we expect that our children be safe and that our teachers diffuse any hint of a bad situation. More importantly, we are often taught that education is the great equalizer, the key to allowing others to follow their dreams. Those dreams are in vain if we are simply left with dead children.

Christians and Tattoos: Compatible?

For years, I've been playing with the idea of a tattoo. For awhile, I had settled on a red fleur-de-lys, a symbol of both Scotland and Florence (two parts of my ancestry). However, due to the fact that they are both different, I changed my mind and decided on a thistle and a sunflower intertwined. Though I am composed of the blood of about five to six nations, I identify heavily with both my Italian and Scottish ancestry just because they seem to sum up my personality. Fiery, passionate, fierce, hungry for adventure, willing to eat many interesting things (haggis and rabbit, anyone?), lovely music (including bagpipes in BOTH nations), and an appreciation for sexy accents, as well as a healthy dose of stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, it's no wonder that I identify with it and would like to honor my ancestors with some ink in my skin. Of course, Catholic girl that I am, I often hear from Christians who wonder if tattoos are acceptable. Should a good Christian girl participate? Let's see.

Critics draw from a verse in the Old Testament that states, "Do not put tattoo marks on yourself...I am the LORD" (Leviticus 19:28 paraphrase). However, while it's easy to take this as a command from God, Leviticus commands many things, such as not to eat pork, not to wear two different fabrics, not to raise two crops on one area and that women were unclean during menstruation. Most Christians today would not bar a menstruating woman from participation during worship, think twice before putting on that cotton-polyester blend shirt, or eschew bacon and some of us environmentalists find that polyculture is much better for the environment.

How did we come to turn our backs on these rules? While Jesus and the apostles were observant Jews, they also expected His message of justice, mercy, and peace to spread to all peoples. Jesus kept the Law in His life but also made statements about how people's actions made them clean or unclean, not necessarily their food choice or their customs. St. Paul took this further by stating that works of the Law do not save people because, if they did, Jesus would not have had to die on a cross for humanity. Thus, it was not necessary for converts to Christianity to essentially become Jewish as well (probably a good thing for adult male converts ;-)). While we honor the place the Law had in our history, we also understand that it was meant for a time when cultural cohesion was literally a life or death situation. Christianity, however, was meant to be universal while the Law was meant for one people.

As a Catholic, this means I can get a tattoo provided that it does not send an anti-Christian message, it doesn't involve poor stewardship of my resources (such as my bank account) and, if I were a minor child, did not involve disobeying my parents. At the same time, I think having tattoos can be positive for a Christian. It shows that Christians are comprised of different peoples, from different backgrounds, cultures, points of view and styles. I can have a tattoo and be a good Christian, just like I can drink responsibly, date, live on my own, hold a politically progressive stance, go to a secular college, play rock music and wear jeans and still be a good Christian. Christianity is not a question of how I look. It's a question of how I live. As long as I work to uphold my principles, I don't think God really cares about the ink in my skin.

Plus, I'm honoring ancestries that produced some of the best in Christian theology, both Catholic and Protestant! So, it can only be a Christian tattoo :)

"Sweetie, You're So Young!" Bite Me............

If I never have to hear the quoted part of my post title again, I will be a very happy woman. It seems that, because I'm on the precipice of graduation, everyone feels the need to give me advice. Some of it is genuinely helpful. Others is unwanted, unnecessary and downright condescending. I understand that I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me. At the same time, I am a woman with agency, legal standing, and experience and I don't want that discounted.

By bare bones legal definitions, I am an adult. I am over eighteen, so I am considered responsible enough to carry a gun, vote, get married, sign a lease, have consensual sex, pay taxes, be employed full time, sign my own waivers and serve in either the Armed Forces or the Peace Corps. I am over twenty-one, so I am also considered responsible enough to drink alcohol, gamble, and carry a credit card. This is only the legal aspect. I am also an adult by experience.

How am I an adult by experience? I made the choice to go to school far from home. During the time I've been in college, I have held down a job (working nearly full time hours), paid my own bills, paid taxes, traveled by myself both domestically and internationally, lived overseas, made professional networks and gathered experience, and have signed my own leases (without a guarantor). I've escaped potentially dangerous situations in the nick of time, made mistakes, developed relationships and made my own decisions. Even with my more spontaneous decisions, I've managed to make ones that worked for me and learn from the ones I didn't. While I may not be fully developed as a person (who among us is?), I can say I know myself pretty well and I go after what I want.

So, no, I don't want to hear some condescending comment about how young I am and how I still either don't know anything or should not be taken seriously. At this point, age isn't more than a number and I've seen people twice my age act much younger than their years (for better or for worse). I may be young but I am strong and I need to learn for myself. I may fall but I won't break until it's time for me to die. Advice is good but I'm not a five-year-old. I'm an adult who can decide her own future. Please talk to me accordingly.

Politics scare me.............

So, in the past week, I have learned that the GOP is at it again, this time with bills that could ultimately prevent young people from voting and could give women the death penalty for having miscarriages or procuring abortions. While these are local bills (one in New Hampshire, the other in Georgia), these really scare me. As a woman and as a youth, I'm starting to see my rights rolled back, piece by piece.

First of all, I may be young and not completely financially independent, but does that mean I should lose my right to suffrage? Does this mean I, who have lobbied my Congressman, who have paid my rent, who's lived overseas, should not have ANY political standing whatsoever? What about MY rights, about issues that affect me? Like, financial aid from the government, the draft, my right to participate in my government, my right to own a weapon, my right to have a good time with my friends, hell, my right to marry or move out? What about the fact that I could still be tried as an adult, regardless of whether or not I'm considered one? So, you want to use my boys for service and would consider me old enough to put to death, but you don't want us to have any say in it?

Second, the death penalty? For losing a baby? Rep Franklin, you outta your freakin' mind? Or did you miss school the day they handed out sensitivity? Miscarriages are NOT FUN for women. By the way, neither are abortions. We KNOW it's a baby. It's a painful, difficult decision that most of us hope to NEVER have to make. Do you think it's fun for women (mostly young) to feel like they're not only having a particularly bad period but to know that they're losing a baby in the process? Or, if that baby was very much wanted, to know that they won't survive through birth and, by the way, their own lives/health are on the line? Or, if they already have a child, to struggle between keeping this one or being able to bring up the other child with a shot of escaping poverty? Or to relive memories of a rape all over again? So, you would condemn women to death because we lost a child? Or felt our hands were tied behind our backs? Really? Do you hate women, Rep Franklin?

Young people have fought and DIED for freedom, certainly here and certainly elsewhere. Women all over this country and throughout the world take on most of the burden to keep societies going. Why, oh, WHY does my country, the very nation that cries, "Freedom!" hold us in such contempt?

Sexual Assault and International Work

I am pretty sure we've all heard of CBS correspondent Lara Logan's sexual assault in Egypt. If you have not, read here. In any case, she was beaten and sexually assaulted for a good half hour before she was saved. It raised anger in me, as a woman, and as someone who's had her own near misses, both in the U.S. and overseas. At the same time, it made me think about a few things, namely the ideas of women traveling and working overseas.

You see, if you're a woman who wants to travel, the first thing people worry about is your safety. Sadly, people will often discourage women from traveling, whether she's backpacking across Europe or working in a developing country. If you do travel and something happens to you, well, you accepted the risks of the job, didn't you? If you're Western, well, you have loose morals anyway, right? This is because, regardless of how "enlightened" our society is, traveling is still not seen as an acceptable "space" for women. The punishment for leaving said space? Well, you shouldn't be surprised if something happens to you!

The sad thing is, rape is a unique exception to risk situations. If a soldier is wounded or dies in battle, he or she is considered a hero. If someone is mugged (regardless of whether they're out or they carelessly left their wallet out in the open), we feel terrible for them and the thief, if caught, will surely be punished. If a woman is raped, we start asking questions. What was she wearing? What was she drinking? How much was she drinking? What time of night was she out? Who was she with? Where was she going? Was she a virgin? Was she married? Is there a war in her area ("Well, rape is a weapon of war anyway!")? Was she conservative/liberal? Was she ever a criminal? We ask questions that are completely irrelevant to the crime that was committed. It doesn't matter that someone dared to force themselves on a woman (which is violence in and of itself), it matters if she somehow did something to "deserve it."

It angers me for two reasons. One, I know a ton of amazing men, as friends, as brothers, as family, and it bothers me that we live in a paradigm that assumes they are no more than wild beasts. I think men are better than that and that truly decent men would stand up and defend everyone's right to feel safe in their bodies. I am blessed to know truly honorable guys who have taken initiative in leading events like "Take Back the Night", who call their buddies on inappropriate jokes and who show that they care for the women in their lives. When this violence is justified as someone else's culture, it also carries a racist element. Having known good Kenyan men in a country where I was often harassed and grabbed helped me to work through an element of prejudice and realize that it is even more crucial for men to step it up, regardless of cultural context.

The other is that, when it comes to work and travel, if it never becomes safe for women, it can impact much of the work we do overseas. For example, when it comes to sexual violence in other countries, women will be more open about their experiences with a female journalist rather than a male. Or, in cases of economic empowerment projects for women, it is much more culturally appropriate for a woman to lead these events. In many countries and cultures, people feel more comfortable if things such as women's education, economic empowerment and women's health were addressed by females. If we cannot do this work because it's considered "too dangerous", who will? Now, I'm not trying to squash local initiatives or say that we Western women are the ones who will save the world but I am trying to point out that, where our expertise and knowledge is requested, we need to be able to provide services in a culturally sensitive manner. For women's issues, they have to be handled by females.

There is no excuse for violence against women. We may face risks that men do not often face but these are risks we face, not only when embarking on great adventures but in our day to day lives. What a sad day it is that, when we do face these risks, we are often branded as the bad girl. In the end, we lose sight of the real heroes among us.

"What WILL you do?"

I found this blog post and thought it was brilliant. This post tells you how to answer the question, "What do you do?" As a graduating college senior, people often ask me, "What WILL you do?" Of course, my mother implied that it may not be very nice to answer with, "How the hell do I know?" so I've been inspired to modify it a little bit. You see, I am graduating with a liberal arts degree (International Studies with a minor in Economics) in a bad economy. I mentioned in a previous post that I may be living off of volunteer stipends for awhile. However, I'm only 21 and realize that people are just curious and don't necessarily expect me to have everything planned till retirement. Here's what the long version looks like.

One: I really want to go back to Africa. I know it may be awhile before I see Kenya again but the classes I took over there and the things I experienced made me curious about the rest of the continent. Africa is much more diverse than our American education gives it credit for. The cultures, the people, the imperialist influences, the music, it's all different. I wouldn't mind doing work in West Africa (of course, this may result in me asking for French lessons for my birthday). Options I have on the table: Tostan, Peace Corps and any Africa organization that I can find. Of course, this would not happen till 2012, due to application processes and, if applicable, the need to raise funds (as well as to perfect any French skills I gain).

Two: I want to do something with youth. I am applying for City Year, a program with Americorps. This would allow me to tutor children and young people as well as to work with youth groups and plan projects. This would be for the coming August up until next June. Of course, I need to hear back from them before I can make any Africa/abroad plans because my departure date depends on my acceptance or rejection from this program. If I do get in, yay. If not, I will look for other opportunities to work with young people during the year I remain in the U.S. Tutoring, volunteering with an organization that works with trafficked girls, and some others come to mind.

Three: I would like to find a way to include music in all of this. I used to do music quite a bit in high school and in college, it stayed dormant. That was, until I realized I could take voice and guitar lessons as part of my credit hours. Then, upon bringing my guitar to Kenya, I realized how much of a role music plays in culture, in livelihoods (for some people), in giving others a voice and how much it brings people together. It factored into many of my encounters with people, my research, and my dealing with culture shock. I don't know how, but I'd like to find a way to keep up. Currently, I still play, I am taking voice lessons again as well as piano, and I sing in my church choir. We'll see. I don't expect to become a pop star (Lord, have mercy) but I do know that music does fit somewhere in the grand scheme of things.

I do know these three things. I also know that I would like to go to Italy at some point for an extended period, provided I come up with funds to do so. I do not mind taking this time to experiment and find out who I am. What I don't want to do is to get locked into a job/career and not end up taking that time. I also don't want to commit to grad school (and more debt) when I'm still not sure what I'd go for (right now, I am thinking either a Master's in Development Management or an M.Div but that's all subject to change). I do not know what the future holds but I'm up for exploration.

How's that for an answer? :D

"Well, I know you were influenced by......."

I really hate hearing this in debates. Yes, we all have biases, due to our upbringings, our status in society, and a multitude of other factors. At the same time, I find people use this one when they're so sure they are right that they pity your inability to come to their truth. I hate hearing this line because the person using it basically uses it to smear any credibility you have, usually without knowing or considering your life story, your thoughts, or your reasoning. I'm not going to lie. It pisses me off.

Guess what? I'm young. Yet I'm still an adult, I still possess a brain with relative intelligence. I've been living pretty independently for someone who is still in college. Hell, I've been living in Kenya for the last three months. Unlike most of my elders, I grow up in a much different time, in an era of constant exposure to information and enough mental stimulation to send the entire Roman Empire into a perpetual state of sensory overload. Thus I am quite capable of finding information, analyzing it and deciding my viewpoints on various topics after having that exposure to different viewpoints. It's how I've formed (and CHANGED) my political views, how I've researched for my IR and Economics courses and how I've decided (questioned and evaluated) my own religion. After living in Kenya, I've been exposed to even more diverse viewpoints, extreme situations and have been forced to reconsider views I long held to be sacred convictions. So, yeah, I think. I think a lot. I still have to make a decision about what I think.

No one decides my viewpoints but me. Not my parents, not my Church, not a rock band, not my friends, nor anyone who manages to sweep me off my feet. Yes, they've all shaped my viewpoints, somewhat. However, at the end of the day, it is I who decide what I believe and what I will stand by. I'm the one who stands before God. He gave me the gift of free will. Why don't we all do likewise?

St. Maria Goretti

*This may contain triggers for sexual assault survivors*

As a teenager coming into the faith, St. Maria Goretti was one of the first saints I heard about. I randomly caught a documentary about her on EWTN (for those who don't know, Eternal Word Television Network, aka Catholic TV). She was born a poor farm tenant's daughter in 1890 in Corinaldo, a town in central Italy. She grew up a devout Catholic girl and was known for her kindness and generosity. When she was not even twelve years old, a neighbor began harassing her until one day, he took her and attempted to rape her. She resisted him physically and, as a result, he stabbed her fourteen times. She died in the hospital, forgiving the man on her death bed. He later repented (after years in prison) and she was canonized a saint by the Catholic Church. She was canonized for "defending her purity".

I have a bit of a problem with that last bit.

I don't have a problem with St. Maria being a saint. I think such forgiveness, at any age, is something to be commended very highly. I also find that she showed courage in the face of huge adversity and worked hard to show a generous and loving soul, no matter what she faced. I believe it is important for young people to learn how to say no, to defend themselves in the face of attack, and, at the same time, to forgive the acts committed against them. However, I do have a problem with the Church using her as a defender of chastity.

You see, when the Church holds her up as a model of chastity (when she's barely even pubescent), it implies that Maria somehow wanted what was done. It implies that she was fighting, not a man trying to attack her, but her own sexual desires. It implies that she was somehow "asking for it." It implies that this violent act, had she submitted, would be "her fault."

It bothers me even more because she was still a child. She was not even twelve years old, may or may not have started her periods, may have just started liking boys, and she's considered a defender of purity? Even if it was his purity she was fighting for (and she did protest the act for the sake of his soul), why would that be her responsibility? As he was the adult in this picture, why shouldn't he be considered the defender of his own purity?

Further, are women who do submit (whether to save their lives or because they simply want it to end) somehow responsible for these crimes? Are children who choose not to fight an abusive adult somehow sinning? Are people who survive an ordeal such as this somehow "less" because they "allowed" someone to sin with them? What kind of message are we sending our Catholic youth, especially the young women?

I believe we should continue to hold Maria as a saint and role model. She is a model of forgiveness, of her willingness to stand for herself and could be considered as someone who stands with those who do suffer from these atrocities. However, to hold her as a model of chastity is inappropriate, as the acts were done without her consent. St. Maria was a child who was brutally killed by an adult who should have known better. This was not a turmoil of inner demons and sexual self-control. This was an act of violence that she had little control over.

I don't believe fighting against a rapist merits a "defense of purity" recognition. It would be the same as if a murder victim was recognized for "defending life" because they fought their killer. Does that mean those who do die are somehow participating in the sin of murder? Absolutely not. Why would we imply the same for those who suffered sexual violence?

Independence

I will never understand the compulsion to treat an eighteen-year-old, that is, a legal adult, like they are still a child. While, presumably, such a young person is leaving the nest for the first time (and therefore needs guidance), one would hope that the parents of this young person have guided them to where they need to go. Whether or not the youngster leaves for college, the military, trade school, a job, a gap year program (volunteering, interning, or what have you), whether or not the family contributes monetary aid, one would hope this new adult is ready to take steps, however faltering, into the path we call life.

Though I am almost twenty-one years old, I remember the last month of my senior year like it was yesterday. My best male friend and I were both accepted into our top choice university (we were the most politically active within our class, so it wasn't surprising) and our mothers were talking about how different it would be to send their children so far away. No one understood why. They thought our parents were crazy to send us to such a "dangerous" city (because living next door to Joe Biden inspires terror in the hearts of men), that our mothers would miss their "babies" terribly and beg us to come home, and even more absurd accusations. My mother often responded with, "If I allowed myself to think of every possible situation she could get herself into, I'd be paralyzed with fear!"

Looking back, I'm so glad my parents were willing to send me so far away to school. Throughout the past three years, I've started learning to stand on my own two feet. For the first time in my life, I had a job and started teaching myself how to budget. I questioned my faith and every aspect of my upbringing and personality. I learned to cook well. I chose a major I've loved and have been on the Dean's List for two years straight. I got my own apartment and never missed a rent payment. I've interned and started my own club. I've developed hobbies and interests. I've joined a parish and started making friends and networks. I had articles published. I developed friendships and learned how to stand up for myself. I learned to appreciate my family more and am more motivated to honor them. I chose to go to Nairobi this fall and I'm doing what I can to make it happen. In short, I've started finding myself.

I say this, not to gloat or to brag, but to show that independence is a wonderful gift, a blessing that you can bestow upon your adult child. Sadly, throughout my home community, there was a tendency to coddle, to smother children in affection and to attempt to shield them from the hard things of life. My parents never did that. If we failed a class, we failed and took the consequences. If we had drama with friends, we were expected to deal with it on our own. We had a cornucopia of chores. When it came time for college, my parents offered financial support with the promise of good grades and hard work. Of course, they were always there to provide love, support, and advice, but they wanted us to learn to be responsible adults. That way, turning eighteen wasn't so scary.

People have told me that I have a strong work ethic and sense of dedication to the tasks at hand. They tell me that I seem strong, mature, and able to take care of myself. I have my parents to thank for that. Their whole lives, they've worked to help us become the people we were meant to be. Through discipline, an emphasis on dedication, and a strong amount of love and support, they aimed to guide us in that process. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that they believed in me enough to let me make those choices. I am thankful for the respect they gave me, as an adult and as a person. The ability to do well in school and simultaneously pay my bills fills me with a sense of accomplishment. I'm glad my parents set me on that path.

It's bogus to think that college aged adults need constant coddling. Not to say that families shouldn't support them or help them when times really do become tough, but that it's ridiculous to assume that we're incapable of caring for ourselves. We learn from our mistakes and our successes, we learn where we need to fix things and what we're truly capable of. We become creative and resourceful in our attempts to make it "out there." By the time we are truly out in the world, we've already experienced it and know what it's like. We're more than our society expects us to be. I wish more people would see that.

Disposable Children

Two days ago, in Catholic parishes all over the world, we commemorated the Feast of the Holy Innocents. The reasons for this feast are to remember the children slaughtered by King Herod's regime, as he hunted down the Christ Child. In contemporary times, we use this feast to remember all children who've died, whether through accident, illness, stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion, or other causes. Churches will give parishioners the opportunity to light candles, in remembrance of these precious ones.

Many pro-life Catholics look at this feast in another sense. They especially remember the children slaughtered by abortion and pray for the mothers and children sorely affected by this blight on society. They use it as a time to pray for the U.S. government, that we may end this scourge through legal means. However, I've come across other issues that spread the same mentality: that children are disposable. None of these issues proclaims this more loudly than the sentencing of juvenile offenders to life without parole or to death sentences. This issue came to light as I was surfing the Net and came across a Frontline special regarding this. I then read a report put forth by Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International on the effects of such sentences on these youngsters.

It broke my heart.

It broke my heart that a country that proclaimed freedom and justice would rather let a child rot in jail than at least attempt to rehabilitate them back into society. It broke my heart that this same great nation would proclaim hypocrisy, using programs that condemn people and prove ineffective, in the name of political gain. Finally, it broke my heart that these same politicians, who proclaim that this is a "Christian nation" would go against the words of the God they believe in and treat young people as if they were disposable.

I understand that young people are capable of horrendous crimes. I believe that they, like their adult counterparts, should be punished. Yet punishment occurs with the hope that behavior will change, which means that a rehabilitation component must accompany any sentence. Also, while young people may know right and wrong, substantial studies prove that they act on impulse, without FULL comprehension of what they're doing. Furthermore, greater societal problems (poverty, illiteracy, minority status, family abuse) seriously impact those who do end up with these drastic punishments, all of which can affect the opportunities for true crime reduction. All of this points to a society where criminals regress in behavior and people are told that they are throwaways.

While these children may not be "innocent" (though there is some debate in some of these cases), the result is still the same: they are treated as if there is nothing of value to them, as if they were only meant for a dumpster. Even worse, it happens to those most neglected by society, in the same way abortion does: the poor, the non-white, the uneducated, those deemed "unimportant". The effects are devastating and the cost to society, both economically and otherwise, is astronomical. In the end, it's the same result as abortion: society's way of cleansing itself of those deemed undesirable. It's quite frightening.

Although this feast is two days past, we would do well to remember it all year round. Let's remember all of our children, innocent or not, who have been banished and forgotten by an indifferent society. Let's pray and fight for true justice to be done.

Thoughts on an article from TIME-a bit more theological than I intended to go.....

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395-1,00.html

I found this article really interesting, simply because my parents and I discuss this all the time.

People seem to think that an increase in technology will bring about an absence of suffering and that they can prevent their kids from experiencing disappointment. Hate to break it to them, but as long as we're human (and broken by sin), there will always be disappointment. Kids skin their knees and hit their heads (yet they survive). Students fail tests and adults lose their jobs. Friendships, romantic relationships, sadly, even marriages break apart. We hurt each other, especially those we love dearly. People die.

Yet, behind the sadness and disappointment, there is beauty. There is a reason for discipline, a motive for perseverance. For the things we fail at, there's something only we can succeed at. For the words that hurt us, there are words that can heal. For every moment of pain, there's an even brighter moment of glory and pain, like a rainy day, can be seen as beautiful too. Finally, for the dark death that sin brings, there is the Light of Christ.

I always wondered why God let us suffer. There is no easy answer to that one. But, when I think of that question, I first think, "We chose to know good and evil.....that's where the evil part comes in." Yet, even more, I realize that He does this to bring us closer to Him. He wants to make us grow stronger, but that first takes experiencing weakness. He wants us to know joy, but we can't appreciate it without knowing pain. He wants to fill us....but we can't realize it without first being hungry.

Far from exploring the world,these kids are raised to become afraid of it. Far from relaxing and enjoying beauty, they're stressed and burned out from being spread too thin. Far from following their own God-given talents, they believe they're not worth much if they can't do everything. Far from honoring and acknowledging that they are made in the image of God, they're worried about being perfect for someone else.

When I see society moving away from God, it's not just the big ways like abortion, extreme poverty, torture, or the suppression of human rights. It's in the more subtle ways, the suppression of creativity, the ban on exploration. It's in the magazines telling women to look like Barbie (unless they want to be alone forever), the college seminars telling kids that heavy schedules are more important than their health, their families, or even the desire to explore what it is THEY want out of life. It's the emphasis on money and status over character and talent. It's the fear of pain over the willingness to persevere. It's the prevention of people becoming their full potentials, the potentials that God gave them.

With this, we're losing a sense of responsibility, an acknowledgment of free will, a drive to solve problems, and an astronomical amount of inspiration. This truly saddens me.