The dreaded six-letter word

Beauty. This word conveys so much good and yet so much controversy. Ladies, let's admit it. Most of us think we're ugly on some level. Too fat, too skinny, too dark, too pale, too dry, too oily, and don't even get me started on the hair. To make things even worse, society bombards us with images of women with skin so flawless, they have no pores and thighs thinner than my pinky yet stronger than a horse. We deal with pressure from friends, from family, from lovers, from spouses, all who say, "You would look so much prettier if you would (insert drastic, soul sucking change here)" or, "Boys would like you so much more if you would (insert torture worse than Dante's Inferno here)." Even compliments such as, "You look nice," can seem loaded, like, "you're not a stunner or anything but you look OK." Trust me, if anyone has struggled with any of the above, it has been (and still is) me. However, I think I may have found an antidote.

One, we need to take care of ourselves. There is no need for a fad diet (they don't work) but we should try and eat healthy. Sometimes, we don't have time to cook and we may not have the funds or access to organic goodies, but eating a balanced diet is so crucial to a healthy body, as well as glowing skin and gorgeous hair. Drink lots of water. Exercise according to your ability and your interest (you don't have to be lifting all the time, but swimming, walking, dance class, kickboxing class, Pilates DVD, all of that counts). Exercise gives shape and tone and also is good for preserving health and keeping us young. Of course, hygiene goes without saying and it's good to at least keep our hair trimmed every couple of months. Basic steps like these go a long way.

Two, we need to figure out what style works for us. Some women rock long hair, others short. Some like it straight, others curly. Some want crazy colors, others are more neutral. As long as it's healthy and you feel good, who cares (sometimes, even employers don't!)? Same goes for makeup (hell, if you don't like makeup, don't wear it!). As for clothes, as long as they're seasonably appropriate (meaning, you're not wearing short shorts in a blizzard), clean, and suit you (your style, your shape, your culture if applicable, etc), it doesn't matter! OK, it does, but you can still find appropriate clothing for various occasions that reflects who you are! Find what you like and rock it.

Third, all of the above means nothing if we don't try to develop inner beauty. There is a quiet confidence present in the sexiest of ladies. A woman may not be conventionally attractive yet can stun an entire room with her smile, her laugh, and her impeccable inner strength. There are a couple secrets to achieving this. One, we must develop our skills and talents, knowing we have something valuable to contribute to the world (and acting accordingly). Two, we must be humble and gracious to all those we meet. Now, humility isn't about beating ourselves up. To be humble means to not act either less or more than you are (trust me, still working on it). It means controlling impulses and only acting defensively if there is something worthy to defend (such as our lives or that of someone else's, also principles). Three, we must love other people. While many of us dream of romance, we sometimes forget the love of our family and our friends. In addition, we forget that each person we meet is just another person and should be treated with respect (which comes out of love. Not "warm and fuzzy love" but a desire for good for other people).

Finally ladies, we must love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, there is no point in trying to improve ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, we can't love other people. For the Catholic/other Christian ladies reading this, Jesus even said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Well, if you can't love yourself, you're going to do a shitty job of loving your neighbor!!! My religion teaches that we were made in the image and likeness of a benevolent deity. By nature, we ARE beautiful. Let's start believing it!

No Excuse

I went to U2 last week with a dear friend of mine. The whole time, I was so excited, seeing my favorite band, my favorite celebrity, people who have not just inspired me with their music but with their passion to create a better world. This is a band whose music has calmed me during times of stress and whose mission motivates me to push forward with all that I believe in. The whole time, I kept screaming, "I can't believe I'm seeing Bono!" My friend looked at me and said, "Who knows? Maybe someone someday will say, 'I can't believe I'm seeing Katie!'"

Immediately, I rebuked him. I'll admit, I'm a very proud person, it's my biggest flaw, and I just don't take compliments well. Looking back, I feel bad, because I know he meant it, but at the time, I just could not stand an accusation of greatness. Yet, it was an event I went to tonight, an event on Interfaith Leadership with Eboo Patel as the speaker, that made me realize I had no excuse. I do no good hiding behind my insecurities. Humility does not come from being less of who I am but from being all of who I am, all of the time.

Throughout the talk, Mr. Patel brought up several points. One of his key points was that the population of Iraq, Afghanistan, and India, all troublesome spots in our world, are very young populations. Disadvantaged youth are hearing a message of faith that is only accompanied by a gun or a bomb. At the same time, religious leaders who have made a difference, such as Gandhi, Dr. King, and the Dalai Lama, all started their leadership in their late teens/early twenties. As the head of my school's Interfaith Council and as a young person myself, these stories hit me hard.

I've always wanted to do something great, to define my life by a life of courage, service, and compassion but have always felt I wasn't good enough, talented enough, intelligent enough, faithful enough, or kind enough. Yet I feel God has been correcting me in that regard. I would say, "I wish I could combine music and international issues like Bono." "Bono didn't read music when he started and he didn't finish college. You do both things." "I wish I could be as great as Mother Teresa." "She did her work despite little opportunity. You have been given a lot." "I wish I could (insert whatever)." "Well, my child, DO IT!"

It's an absolute sin to hide who you are, to wall yourself in the mask of insecurity, for fear of greatness. That's not humility. That's pride masquerading as such. It walls you inside yourself and prevents you from being great, from shining your light to all people and living as who you were made to be. The leaders of the world did not focus on their own securities. They focused on the work that needed to be done and the talents and skills they could offer to do it. I know I myself could do better with that.