Thursday, June 23, 2011

So much and yet so little

My life feels like I'm in a doldrum zone right now. Between the excitement of my college graduation, Americorps offer, and first serious relationship, my last semester was an intense wave of excitement. Before me lies an intense year with Americorps, one that I am sure will challenge me. Right now? Aside from waiting tables, seeing the boyfriend, filling out paperwork, looking for roommates and housing and reading Margaret Atwood novels (courtesy of a roommaate), my life isn't that exciting.

In a way, it is refreshing. I need time and space to breath. I have time to get in shape, to finally restring my guitar properly and play it, to spend time with friends, develop my relationship with my boyfriend, and to make some cash (very little extra). I need time to process the past few months and prepare for the next. Most importantly, I need time to do what I want to do. This fall, I'll be working ten hour days. I'll likely get home around 7, which leaves time to work out, eat dinner, prepare my clothes and lunch for the following day, and get ready for bed (hopefully, some nights I can see the boy). Weekends, I'll want to do my errands, see boy and friends and go to church. I get five days per semester to take sick leave or vacation.

Just writing all that made me feel tired. I'll admit, a part of me wonders if I'm truly cut out for this. I know that, despite my propensity toward stress, I thrive in the midst of chaos. Whether I was working nearly full time while taking upper level classes or studying while working in poor parts of Kenya and braving a four hour commute every day, I ended up succeeding. I want to do this work, I want to see where it leads me, I do want to have this experience. However, like before every big change, I'll admit to feeling nervous.

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