Saturday, June 11, 2011

It's none of your business!

Anyone remember the Salt 'n' Pepa song, "None of Your Business" (am I dating myself here)? Anyway, for all the young'uns who do not remember the 90's and are doomed to the likes of Ke$ha and Miley Cyrus, the song is about how people cast judgments on someone due to their sex life and how they really shouldn't because, well, read the title. While no one is judging me for one night stands (simply because I just don't have them), I'll admit, it does feel like having a love life, period, makes others feel as if they have a right to comment. Even if their opinion was not requested, even if advice was not sought, people still act as if they have authority over very personal and intimate decisions. Yeah, it bothers me a bit.

To all the singles, the "no-strings-attached" folks, those dating, courting, engaged, married, parents, whatever, no one has the right to tell you what's best for you. Yes, if you're a person of faith, follow your faith. Yes, we all should follow basic legal codes and some kind of moral framework for how to live our lives (which include more than just our romantic lives). Of course, some of us come from cultures where the family and community has a much bigger say in your choice of spouse and in the raising of your children. At the same time, you are the one who makes the final decisions.

Even for those whose morals I do not agree with, I feel the need to defend this choice. After all, it bothers me when people constantly ask about my sex life, knowing full well what my faith teaches and how awkward it is to ask when my companion is close by. Or telling me whether I should or shouldn't think about a wedding day quite yet (can we please get on our feet first and finish some other important things? And, if we are discussing, it's none of your business unless I choose to share that with you). Of course, knowing what my faith teaches about family planning (regardless of the fact that I can use this scientifically proven method that's NOT the Rhythm Method and that actually helps me in other aspects of my health), it really hurts when people make snide comments in my direction. I would NEVER nitpick someone else's sex life, I've always been taught that it was uncouth to do so. Why is it acceptable to do the same to me?

You know, this is why, at the end of the day, I embrace a pro-choice position. How can I tell another woman, another family, what to do with such an intimate and private aspect of their lives when I know I hate it when others do the same to me? How can I tell them that they're wrong and shameful, when they've probably agonized, cried out to God, consulted others, and figured they need to do right by their families? Really, it's none of your business.

World, you have no ownership of my womb, breasts and genitalia. You certainly have no ownership of my heart. I consult with God and, while I follow Church teachings in my own life, it's only after much questioning, study and research, as well as plenty of agonizing (and note that I do not expect the same of everyone, simply because I don't walk in their shoes). Other than that, anything that happens in these very intimate aspects are not your concern unless I specifically ask for advice. If I don't, well, then, it's none of your business!

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