Sunday, May 31, 2009


"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me....." Luke 4:18

Fire fills my heart,
Fills my soul,
As I ache to receive
The warmth of Your love.

For Your love is mighty,
Cleansing, creating,
Turning the stuff of
My soul to white ash.

They say Hell is hot,
But Heaven is hotter,
Love's flashes like those
Of a raging flame.

Your love is life-giving,
Your heat fills me
With unstoppable speed,
Your light with unending warmth.

Unlike others,
This fire never dies,
But the embers live on,
Smoldering in my heart,
Kindling the depths of my soul.

Happy Pentecost Monday, everyone!

Killing in the Name of "Pro-Life"

I went into my Yahoo account this afternoon to find the headline, "Abortion doc gunned down at church" staring straight at me. I read on to hear that he was a doctor who performed late-term abortions, that his clinic was one of three that performed abortions after the fifth month of pregnancy. He was serving as an usher in his parish the day he was shot, while his wife was singing in the choir. Immediately, a few thoughts came to my mind.

First, I believe abortion is wrong. I won't deny that. I think it's a sad state for women when circumstances are so desperate, the only way to deal with a pregnancy is to get rid of it. For me, I find that society is not doing enough and that women are not fully empowered if we had to make that choice. Also, I find that it causes a certain mindset, that some babies are worth more than others, that some humans are worth more than others, just because of who their parents are, how much money they have, how old (or young) they are, or whether or not they have disabilities. As for late term abortions, I find that to be a cruel, barbaric practice and if a child is viable and could survive, why would we even resort to something like that? Especially considering some of these practices are more harmful for women than actually giving birth.

That said, I think gunning down a doctor who performs abortions is always wrong. Always. As much as I think his practice was cruel, I cannot forget that the doctor in question truly believed he was helping women and children and that his mission was to save life, even if it meant death. I cannot forget that he was a husband, possibly a father himself and probably went to medical school because he sincerely believed in helping people. I cannot forget that it is not up to us to judge when it's all right to take life away, but to leave it to God, much like the pro-life movement advocates.

If you are truly pro-life, you have to support everyone's basic right to life. That includes the right of the unborn child, the pregnant mother, the prisoner, the sick, the old, yourself (so suicide is not an option), the soldier, the poor, and others. This includes the lives of all, even if you do not believe yourself that someone is worthy. I do believe self-defense is pro-life, but only if you are honestly preventing the loss of more life (this includes in time of war). However, going after someone and brutally murdering them is not pro-life. It merely puts you on the same level as the person you are trying to stop.

I do not claim these people as pro-life. I believe that witness must be met with non-violent resistance. Humanity knows enough suffering, enough death. Let's try not to add more to the equation.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Your love hurts me.......

Your love hurts me, Love
Like a slap on my face,
Like a sword through my soul,
Like fire in my stomach,
Your love hurts me.

Your love hurts me, Love
Your tenderness is torture,
Your kindness is killing,
Even your smiles smite me.
Your love hurts me.

Your love hurts me, Love
The touch of your hand
Makes me swoon as your
Lips burn fire against my face.
Your love hurts me.

Your love hurts me, Love
But I'd be happy to die sweetly,
Nestled in the warmth of your arms,
Near the secrets of your heart,
Buried in the sweetness of your soul.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Four Months and Four Days.........

Till what?

.................The Feast of St. Michael? Yes, but not what I was going for......though, I do have to say, St. Michael is the badass of the saints...........

..................A friend of mine's birthday? Also true, but not what I was going for......

..................The last day of September? Actually, that's September 30th........

OK, OK......

I'm going to see the love of my life........

That love being U2!!!!!!!!!!

In CONCERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Near where I live!!!!!!

Goodnight, Beautiful

Goodnight, Beautiful
I whisper to you
As I hold you in my arms
And gaze into your eyes,
Clear windows to Heaven,
One last time till morning.

Goodnight, Beautiful.
No more fears, no frets.
My hands trace the surface
Of your back,
Easing your muscles,
Soothing your soul.

Goodnight, Beautiful.
Breathe, just breathe.
You've fought a battle of the heart
And were wounded
But you forget so easily
That sleep is what heals wounds.

Goodnight, Beautiful.
Nothing can harm you
When you're at my side.
So let me hold you tonight
And we will sleep.

Goodnight, Beautiful.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Thoughts On Marriage

My girl friends and I have been talking about our dreams, one of those dreams being far-off marriages. While we are very young and understand that marriage and family are a long time coming, we're still able to dream about it, the ups and downs, the beauty and pain, the creation of a new existence. But even more, for me, it gives me the forum to explore an idea that, quite frankly, terrifies me.

Despite my nearly twenty years on this planet, I am painfully shy and innocent when it comes to romance. I've only had one boyfriend, but we were very young and long-distance at that, so it never really developed beyond the very beginning stages of looks, smiles, and flirty behavior. I've had some bad experiences in the past and have had facts about myself that I've had to come to terms with. I'm also a devout Catholic and kept myself quite sheltered on purpose throughout my teen years, arrested in a state of naivete up until my first year of college. Furthermore, I keep myself very busy and I would also be worried about ruining friendships.

To be truly honest, the idea of being vulnerable, dropping my mask, and allowing someone into my soul scares me more than the fires of Hell itself. As the great poet (and fellow Florentine) Dante Alighieri once said, "Love is quickly caught in the gentle heart." He said this in his canto about lust, meaning that love can very easily get you burned. I am afraid of losing myself, of disappearing into the person I love, only to find that they themselves have disappeared. I am afraid they'd expect me to abandon who I was, that I'd be demanded to disappear. I'm afraid of being used. Most importantly, I do not want to lose control.

I've finally realized that it's all OK. I'm not financially or emotionally ready for something as great as marriage and to be honest, I have no time to fall in love. I feel like women especially have this competitive streak with all of this but I wonder why competition is necessary? Not all of us are ready, a good deal of us don't have experience, and most of the guys our age are immature anyway. As for the argument about our circadian rhythms, I firmly believe it will all happen in its own time (and if I marry at an age too late for bio children, I will adopt older ones, who tend to get forgotten about). Why are we rushing? Why do we go after people who are not good for us, only to have someone? Why is it a big deal if we're twenty years old and have never been kissed?

I now understand the reasoning behind most of my fears. I'm finally OK with it. I don't have to marry tomorrow and I'll know it's right when it's right. I'm enjoying where I am now, in this moment, hanging out with my girl friends and living in a glorious city. At the same time, I do hope to get to that point, where I can invite someone to share souls. I dream of the day I unite myself with someone and take part in the greatest mysteries behind human existence and the inner workings of the human heart. Until then, I live as the person I am, single, free, young, and innocent. The time will come and right now, it's not time yet.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Psalm 24:1-A Reflection

This verse is as follows, "All the earth is the LORD's, and the fullness thereof; the world and they that dwell within."

I'll admit, I don't read the Bible that often (typical Catholic ;-)) and when I do, it's definitely the New Testament. Yet, this verse stands out for me, as I intern at an anti-hunger organization (well, haven't really seen one that is pro-hunger....) and am learning more every day about stewardship and sustainability.

Nearly a billion people in the world go hungry. Approximately 3 million children under the age of five will die each year due to undernourishment and far more live with it every day. In the U.S. alone, 11.7 million children live in households where they have to skip meals. We have the second highest infant mortality rate in the developed world partially because so many people go hungry.

Why do so many go hungry, given the world's resources? Why do so many children in the U.S., the richest and most powerful in the world, go to bed without dinner?

It's because we live in a world based on ownership, rather than stewardship. Food and water, rather than basic rights and needs, have become commodities to be bought and sold. Everything is driven by the markets and prices. Food prices are rising, making it harder for families to afford basic grains. Farmers have the ability to produce surpluses, but the prices are so low, it's not even profitable. Water has become a source of conflict. Yet, in the U.S., we use water like it's going out of style. We process food to the point where it's no longer natural and make it cheap as possible, while healthy, natural food has become a privilege for those who can afford it. We suck our natural resources dry for want of money and consumption, without a care for our brothers and sisters who may not have as much.

Basing value on ownership, I believe, fosters a sense of entitlement, a sense of worthiness based on purchasing power. Focus is placed on the individual, rather than the collective. I deserve healthy food because I worked for it. I deserve water because I worked for it. Poor people are lazy. Who cares if our planet is destroyed, as long as I'm the one ruling it? After all, I am human, therefore, I should be king.

Stewardship, on the other hand, places focus on something greater than the self. Whether you call it "God", "the collective voice of humanity", it doesn't matter. The emphasis is on the fact that the resources aren't truly your own and that they should be used wisely. Whether or not we all believe in God, we can all believe that we are all sharing space, whether we like it or not. Whether or not we believe global warming is caused by man, we can all come to the conclusion that we need to use our resources in a way that does not damage our planet. Finally, whether or not we believe humanity is good or evil, I defy anyone to refuse a thirsty child a glass of water.

Our possessions and money don't come with us after death. Our looks fade and our bodies decay. Our houses are useless to us. Qualities and legacies are immortal. Everything else is finite. Let us be wise about what is finite and go after what is infinite.

It certainly adds a new perspective to my day.......