OK, freak out over.
I know what I'm doing this fall. I'll be volunteering with Americorps in a program called City Year, one that focuses on tutoring and mentoring children in under-served areas. My placement is in Little Rock, Arkansas and I'm both excited and nervous. I'll be in DC till July, so that I can earn extra cash (to put down my security deposit and first month's rent) and have my last hurrah. It runs from August till June, so we'll see what happens. I realized how much I loved working with children and young people when I was in Kenya, so this seems like a perfect fit.
It's funny because it just hit me how much life I have ahead of me. It's not like turning eighteen, when you're considered an adult in the loose sense of the term but you don't really feel like one yet. At almost 22, however, it feels real. In the last four years, I've held down a job, completed two internships, lived in Kenya, paid my own rent, made a ton of mistakes, networked, questioned my faith, fell in love, and made amazing, lifelong friends. Now, I see a variety of dreams, opportunities, and possibilities.
I almost wonder, what will happen after City Year? I do hope to go back to DC, maybe work a few years. I kind of wonder. Will I go abroad for an extended period? Get my Master's? In what? Theology, Economics, or International Relations? Go for a Ph.d? Where will I work? Will I move back to DC? To NYC? Will I be a policy wonk? A teacher? A youth minister?
It's not fear anymore. I'm genuinely excited to see how my life will turn out. I know now that it's my choice at this point. It kind of reminds me of that quote on Braveheart, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." I hope I always remember to have that courage.