Adult Decisions

It's my last semester of college. What do I do with my life? I mentioned applications for Peace Corps and Americorps but, while I aim to finish the latter app soon, I am not so sure anymore. A few things I want to take care of are starting to take shape, plus there are other opportunities that I feel sound a bit more like me.

I would love to do a year with Tostan. For those that don't know, Tostan is an organization based in Senegal that does work in mostly Francophone West African countries. They are a wonderful organization that is mostly local (99% of the staff is African) and does sustainable work (as in, their communities are not constantly dependent on volunteer assistance). They seek to not only aid communities in improving health quality and education but to encourage democracy via community involvement. As of now, the only issues I have are: A) a need to learn French and B) I would need to raise the money necessary to sustain myself (could easily work two jobs to that end).

Another thing I would like to do is go to Italy for an extended period and study both Italian and music. This is something I have been wanting to do for awhile, especially because there are many programs within the city of Florence that offer these opportunities. Of course, I have other reasons for going to Florence (such as needing to connect with the "land of my fathers") which nearly seals the deal for me.

I would love to do both of these. I'm in my twenties and would like to take advantage before heading to a "real" job, to grad school. I'm only young once. But we'll see what happens.

Can (Predominantly Straight) Men and Women Be Friends?

I may wonder why I am asking this question. I myself have many male friends. Throughout adolescence and young adulthood, I found I got along easier with boys. They didn't bring their drama into things and we talked about interesting topics such as politics, war and the merits of both Star Wars and Monty Python. Two of my best friends in the world are guys (and they sure like to give me hell..........be careful, I know a female relative in each of your families :D). At the same time, as I've gotten older, I've found myself reaching for my female friends a bit more. While I certainly want my "bros" to stay in my life, I have noticed friendship dynamics changing. As we find ourselves settling into adulthood (including long term relationships and marriage), we also find ourselves adding some consideration for decorum. While I do believe men and women can be friends, I also think that these friendships tend to have more boundaries than same-sex friendships do (assuming, of course, that all parties are straight).

First, there are things I talk about with my girlfriends that I just won't talk about with the boys. These issues range from, "Does this look OK?" to, "I'm on my period, I'm bloated and this SUCKS!!!" Fashion and biology aside, I find I want a female confidante, someone with whom I can just chill and talk about all sorts of things. While some of my male friends are sensitive and compassionate (and I do feel comfortable talking about things with some of them), they can't really play this role. You can't really have a slumber party with your straight male best friend, it looks and sounds completely inappropriate, even if all you were doing was chatting, watching a movie and eating popcorn. I also wouldn't find it appropriate to constantly confide in one guy when you're dating someone else. Sure, you can be close friends, go out for coffee, keep in touch, but there are just lines you can't cross. For me, I feel more comfortable having the "no-holds-barred" conversations with the girls.

Second, sometimes lines get blurry before you even realize it. It's great if it turns into a loving, romantic relationship that ends in marriage. It's not so great when you've been buddies forever and, all of a sudden, you have feelings and he doesn't. Or vice versa. That can make a friendship turn awkward. Of course, then it turns into, "I want to keep our friendship going," but this can prevent people from moving on because there's always that hope. Sometimes, everything turns out fine, especially if there are periods when you don't constantly have contact. It's harder when you see/talk to them every day. Also, sometimes it does turn into a romantic relationship only to end in a really bad breakup and consequent end to the friendship (though, given time, there is the possibility of patching things up).

I think it's good to have friends of the opposite sex. I think these friendships give us perceptions and insights that neither romantic nor same sex friendships can provide. Like I said, I love my boys! However, it is good to be prudent. You don't have to observe every gendered expectation out there (and I would tell you to challenge them). Hell, if none of this post works for you, don't follow it! Just always make sure you consider your own values, your own boundaries (of course, this should go for any friendship). For me, I've had some personal experience with these, which is why I'm writing this post. Good day, everyone!

Going Back to School Tomorrow...

Tomorrow, I return to the District for the first time in about five months. Having been out of the country, I naturally feel a bit of disconnect. I am nervous about seeing people I haven't really talked to for awhile, especially because I know I've changed. I am also nervous for a different reason. This is my last semester of college. Afterward, I actually need to do something with my life. Hopefully, that something does not involve waiting tables, at least not for too long. What to do, what to do?

I am considering a year with Americorps to work with children and youth. My goal is to finish my application by next weekend. This program would allow me to tutor children and young people, serve as a mentor, work with after school programs, and plan community projects in a U.S. city. Of course, competition is stiff and there are no guarantees for getting in. I also have started a Peace Corps application, knowing it takes at least a year. Work with Americorps would qualify me for Peace Corps but, if Americorps does not work out, I can at least talk to a recruiter about how to make my application stronger.

In addition, I am looking at programs with Tostan, a wonderful development organization (Peace Corps would be valuable but it's not development in the way I see it). The only catch to that is I need to save money and learn French (most programs are in West Africa, particularly Francophone Africa and yes, there is a French requirement). Professors think I should do research but, again, that takes a year to apply and write a proposal.

I would love to come back to Kenya. My colleagues have told me they're praying I come back by 2012. In addition, one of my Kenya mates said to me before I left, "Kenya in 2012?" I want to, but I want to do something constructive. Peace Corps will not send me back to Kenya and Tostan does work in West Africa. I would like to take the opportunity to do something else, but I do feel I left some unfinished business in Kenya. I am still in the "I just got back from Kenya, it was freakin' amazing and now I miss it like hell," stage (yes, there is one, just talk to two of my dear friends). So, I don't know.

Grad school is out of the question for now. The programs I am interested in require field experience first, which is understandable. I also would like to pay off one set of debts before I assume another. I am taking peaks at my friends' GRE books and keeping my eye out for programs but I do want some "real world" experience first. Plus, I can use a break from studying. It's out there but I'm waiting awhile.

So, to anyone who asks me, "What do you want to do after graduation?" the answer is, "I don't know, I'm still figuring it out." Of course, don't expect a five-year-plan and don't expect a run down of what I can possibly expect to do with a major in International Studies and a minor in Economics ("I'm going to make decisions that affect YOUR life!" is my response to that one). I haven't decided if I'm going with God*, the government, or an independent organization, or if I just want a regular job. Hell, I haven't even bought my schoolbooks yet! I can assure people that I will do something I love, I will do something constructive, and I will work my ass off, giving everything I've got. This, I can promise you.

*For those who may be offended about my "going with God" comment, I was going for a bit of snark here. I always go with God, I was simply referencing Catholic orgs (NOT proselytizers) and trying to be just a little cheeky. I do not mean to offend, nor do I mean to jeopardize my immortal soul. Thank you.

Dear Bishop Olmsted............

Dear Bishop Olmsted,

You never cease to amaze me. First, you excommunicate a nun for allowing a vitally necessary medical procedure in a hospital that's supposed to take care of sick people (including mothers whose first trimester pregnancies may worsen deadly conditions). Second, you strip same hospital of Catholic status (and funding) for allowing these procedures to continue (never mind that this is the only case of abortion seen, that sterilizations are NEVER performed at this hospital, and that a family would have lost BOTH mother and child if this had not been allowed to occur). Third, you stay remarkably quiet on other life issues, including those in need of transplants yet who have lost coverage for these transplants due to state cuts in Medicaid. Nice going! You have shown yourself severely lacking in both compassion and a backbone. You hide behind your cloak of power and prestige while people, including members of your own flock, continue to struggle and suffer. How's that for Christian charity?

Dear Bishop, you are supposed be shepherd, yet I think you forgot a few basic tenets of our faith. First, Christ taught us that part of our duties include feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, healing the sick and many other duties that involving giving charity and dignity to those who are suffering. In the case of the mother, she was in her first trimester of pregnancy (meaning the baby was not viable yet), had a severe lung complication, and could not still be pregnant for the surgery she needed at that moment. This mother was a mother of four, she would have died, left behind these children and, in addition, her fifth baby would have died. Even our Church states clearly that if, during a pregnancy, the woman suffers from a condition where both lives are stake, efforts must be made to save one life. So, even by our theology, Sister Margaret was doing the just thing. She was healing the sick, much like Jesus Christ had commanded us.

Second, I am stunned by your hypocrisy and that of others in your rank. One thing that continues to appall me is the willingness of the bishops to shame politicians for abortion legislation, yet I hear almost nothing if these same politicians choose to support the death penalty, voted to go to war in Iraq (which Pope JPII had referred to as an "unjust war"), cut funding for nutrition programs, cut funding for health care and education, or live morally repugnant personal lives. Our Church demands a consistent life ethic, one that holds that no human life is more valuable than another. Yet, I find that you and others will ONLY support those if they fall in line with the politicians they choose to back. You all speak of abortion out of convenience, yet you choose life out of convenience. These patients have just as much of a right to live as you claim unborn babies do. Yet, you chose to stay silent. Christ never stayed silent. Aren't you supposed to follow his example?

Bishop, life is not a matter of convenience. Life is a gift from God and must be cherished. If that's not enough to convince you, then maybe you need to talk that over with the Almighty. Remember, Christ said not all those who call out, "Lord, Lord" will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. If you denied the poor, you deny Him. Kings have a long memory, especially if they're the King of Kings. I'd rather see you sleepless here on earth than sleepless in Hell. Just sayin'.

Signed,

A Pissed Off Catholic

Workouts are for Women :)

I cannot say enough about what P90X has done for my life. I've only consistently done it for this past week (though I've tried to follow something similar in Nairobi, when I didn't have it). Already, I feel a significant improvement in my posture and carriage, more flexibility, and less stress. I had been trying for awhile to find a physical activity that worked for me, from rugby (yes, I did rugby) to running to workouts you'd find in magazines. I am happy to say that I have found one. I want to encourage all the women in my life (men too, but especially women) to find something that works for them and stick with it. In addition, I'd like to bust some myths.

1. Workouts make you look manly: Look ladies, if you're not pumping steroids, you don't have that much to worry about. You can do pull ups, lift weights, and do crunches all day long but you still won't gain a manly physique. We don't have the testosterone for that. Actually, if you lift weights, as a women, you typically go for a lighter weight and more reps, so you'll get a long, lean look. In addition, you'll have a more developed shape and better posture. Strength training also helps us keep our bodies strong for childbirth and builds and maintains bone density (preventing osteoporosis). Finally, it can work to prevent heart disease and a variety of cancers. What's not sexy or feminine about THAT?

2. Workouts are boring: Not all workouts are as seen on TV. Go for whatever turns you on. Do you like kickboxing, yoga, ballroom dancing, swimming, running, or cycling? Go for it! Of course, don't forget other aspects of your fitness. You may love cardio, but strength and flexibility are important components. At the same time, you can find fun ways to incorporate all components. Talk to your doctor or a trainer at your local gym.

3. All workouts are too intense and I'm too out of shape: I cannot emphasize the following enough. START SLOWLY!!! The only reason I can do P90X is because I was already in relatively decent shape to begin with. I had to walk everywhere, I was waiting tables (manual labor if there was any) and I was going to the gym at least three times a week. Even if you get outside for a walk for thirty minutes, you're already making change. Some movement is better than none and, if you start at a level too high for you, you put yourself at risk for injury. There are light options. Again, talk to your doctor or a trainer about these.

4. I can just lose weight with a pill or diet: First, unless this is to improve a medical condition and was prescribed by a good doctor (not one who simply wants to make nice with Big Pharma), skip the pills. They're dangerous, they've got side effects and you just don't need them. Second, yes, diet is important but not a fad diet. You need to eat a balanced diet (with whole foods), supplement for what you're not getting (vitamins and good workout drinks are helpful), and drink tons of water. At the same time, it's not everything. Exercise does even more to help maintain weight by increasing metabolism. It helps you maintain your shape and works well with a good diet. Bottom line: if you want it, you have to work for it. That's the only way to get lasting results.

Ladies, I ask you to consider the following. We are more likely than men to get osteoporosis, are at risk for heart disease as well as a variety of cancers and are the only ones who will participate in childbirth (the most arduous work a woman will have to do in her life). Wouldn't it be nice to keep our bones intact, prevent diseases that can strike us down before our times, and have an easier time bringing some bundles of joy into the world? I don't know about you, but I want to run after my grandkids and lift them up when I'm old. I want to be around for the crazy adventures I plan throughout my life. And, if I can look great in my grad dress in the meantime, that would be awesome. Hence, I keep up with my P90X. Let's bring it!!

Dean Obeidallah and Race

My family and I were watching Axis of Evil last night. I first heard of it in my World of Islam class sophomore year, when a classmate used a Dean Obeidallah clip for a presentation. Now, my family has Netflix which means I was finally able to watch the entire show. Of course, there was a lot of laughter in the Gerry household. In addition, there were some deep thoughts, particularly when Dean Obeidallah mentioned what it means to be white. He said that white isn't necessarily a color but a status. He meant that in the sense of, when white people do bad things, no one blames it on every white person they see. Whereas, if one Arab or Middle Eastern person does something for example, they must all be responsible.

It was definitely a moment for me. I have tried to explain the concept of white privilege and found I could not put it as well as Mr. Obeidallah has. The truth is, white has so little to do with the shade of one's skin. If it did, Jews would not have had to suffer as much as they did and, for a long time, were not even considered white in the eyes of the U.S. Italians and Irish weren't even white for a time (now, you know something's up when they don't think the Irish are white and I've known my share of blonde Italians, northern and southern). Rather, white is more of a concept. It's about who's considered worthy of fair treatment in the eyes of the law, of business, and of society. It's about who's considered cultured, civilized, and contributing. That's something people don't really understand.

No, people should not use their race or past treatment to justify criminal actions. No, people should not use it to hamper their own development because they're afraid of "acting white" or "abandoning their roots." At the same time, there is a real difference in treatment. My black and Latin friends are more likely to get followed (by security in the mall and cops on the road) than I am. Even acts such as speaking Spanish result in being treated differently (friends and I will get asked about citizenship and ethnic origin because we chose to practice our Spanish that day). Jewish friends of mine have gotten accusations about money habits and their role in the death of Christ. Muslim girlfriends of mine have stories of getting harassed or asked ridiculous questions because of how they choose to cover and friends and family get "randomly selected" by airport security just because they look Middle Eastern. Now, Muslims can be white, people from Central and South America can be white, Jews mostly are white, and black people can have white ancestry. But none of this matters because having white skin is not even enough to be considered white.

Yes, things have come a long way. They're still not perfect. We need to keep going as a society, to keep improving ourselves and the lives of others around us. If we truly believe as the Declaration states, that "all men were created equal", we need to start treating each other like it. Instead of fighting over who gets to be white and who doesn't (regardless of who actually has fair skin or not), we should eradicate that idea and start seeing people. Otherwise, we will continue to give our enemies the fuel to destroy us.

New Year, New Me

At the beginning of 2011, I have already done a few things that surprise me. Due to the extreme amount of change I underwent in Kenya, I decided that I would switch a few things up yet again. Here's what I have done so far.

1. Got a perm. Yes, yours truly is a throwback to the 80's anyway, with her socks-and-pumps, leggings, U2 obsession and huge earrings. I decided my hair should reflect this. You see, I've always wished my hair was curly. When I was little, I had every set of rollers imaginable. As I got older, I would curl my hair for special occasions to hear my girlfriends say, "You look so HOT!" Inspired by this confidence, I decided to go for it. If it truly went to hell, I could just shave my head and start over (OK, maybe not that far). However, I find I like it a lot. I feel more confident about my looks and style and I can now say I love my hair.

2. Got a P90X kit. I am not always good about working out. I try to be but I find I'm just not that disciplined. However, when I'm home, I use my parents' P90X kit and find Tony Horton to be the greatest motivator (and ass-kicker) of all time. I not only do it every day, I don't even hit pause or fast forward like I usually would for a DVD workout. In addition, due to a physically demanding job, a love for travel (a very strenuous activity) and a family history of osteoporosis, I figured it was high time I put on some bone density. Yes, my life is busy, but I can put an hour in each day. I'm at my prime, I need to build up my strength for later.

3. Went to Times Square for New Years Eve. Yes, everyone says it's overrated but I figured I should do it at least once. For me, it was like Inauguration. It was crowded, it was miserable, I couldn't even leave to go to the bathroom. However, when the clock started counting down from one minute, I found it was the magic everyone thinks it is. I never felt so proud to be from this area like I did while listening to Sinatra croon as I'm escaping the crowd at midnight.

4. Decided I am actually open to a romantic relationship. For all who know me, this took AWHILE. I tend to be guarded and I think of my boys as my bros (particularly my "Godfather crowd", you know who you are). However, after a few experiences in Kenya and in the U.S., I realized I wouldn't mind welcoming someone into my life. Just because I am an independent woman who values work and loves to travel does not mean I cannot find someone who values the same. We'll see what happens this year. I am just happy knowing that I'm open.

Love and Peace, everyone! Happy New Year!