Thursday, December 10, 2009

Home Stretch

It's finals week and I'm mostly finished. Aside from a paper that needs revision and a test that's too easy, I'm done. With an abundance of work completed, I'm taking time to reflect on everything: my life, my dreams, my goals, my faith, even this blog.

Throughout this year, I've gone through a bulwark of changes. I chose a major and minor, completed an internship, started paying my own bills, took risks, questioned my faith, and started establishing myself, in my school, my job, my city, my church, and among my friends. I've never been more stable at any other point in my life though, at the same time, I feel my life has gotten crazier.

At this point, I cannot say I know where I'm going. I finally realized that no one in college truly knows what they're doing with the rest of our lives. If adults twice my age still haven't figured it out, I figured I could cut myself some slack, considering I'm so young I can't even legally drink at the moment. I can say that I've found themes that haven't changed. I still love international relations, I still want to work on women's rights and in health care (in some capacity), I still have this need to work on a consistent pro-life ethic (in both my personal and professional life, addressing poverty as well as other issues), I still want to do something that aids in economic development. Emphasis on the word "something". I choose to be vague because, as I've mentioned, I have no idea. I'm still figuring that out.

I still want to volunteer overseas. That I can say with certainty. For me, it's like college in the sense that I consider it a vital path in every aspect in my life (whether professional, spiritual, social, or personal). I hope to volunteer in a Spanish-speaking country, working on either human rights, health care, or women's issues (or a combination of the three), for about a year or two. I would like to go when I'm twenty-three, figuring I'd have time to raise money and get some experience in the real world before I peace out. However, with what organization, for what exact mission, I cannot say. I'm keeping my options open and doing plenty of research. All I can say is that it's something I need to do, but I don't know the exact ins and outs right now.

As for my personal life, I feel like an endless set of contradictions. I find myself becoming more cynical, more jaded, yet more hopeful with each passing day. I find that I have become both meaner and kinder. More liberal in politics, yet more conservative in my personal life. More open to people, yet more guarded about certain things. More aware of the world, yet realizing how little I can ever hope to know. More Catholic than I've ever been yet certainly not as legalized about it. More of an academic yet more eager to finish school. I have more faith in people and less at the same time. I cannot really explain any of this.

I don't know what will become of this blog. I realized I've written some good stuff yet other portions are merely the rants of a youngster who needs to do something more constructive with her time. I hope to improve the quality of my writing and, even more, write on more interesting and relative topics. We shall see what 2010 brings.

These are just a few of my thoughts regarding the year. I'm both afraid and excited for next year. Whatever happens, I'll take it as it comes.

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