Thank You, Planned Parenthood!

Over the years, my thoughts about Planned Parenthood have been very conflicted. I always felt uneasy with even the slightest association with abortion, even if they otherwise do great work (sex ed, parenting and adoption referrals, GLBT issues, etc). Of course, after realizing that I am pro-choice, my feelings started to change. I realized that, even if I myself do not agree with abortion, I do like that many of their efforts are bent on reducing abortions. However, they did one great thing for me today. They made me realize it IS possible to adhere to my faith's birth control teachings.

Most people know that Catholics are not allowed artificial contraceptives. Of course, whether this is an outright ban or guidelines is up for debate. However, Catholics are encouraged to use Natural Family Planning to prevent pregnancy. NFP or Fertility Awareness Methods as they are sometimes called, involves closely and diligently tracking your menstrual cycle, to figure out when you are likely to ovulate. Now, women only ovulate a couple days each month, however, sperm can live in a woman's body for five days, so that means a week of not having sex. There are many different methods of tracking fertility, from taking your temperature, charting your cycle on a calendar, or checking fluids for differences. This is OK. However, typical use rates being 75% effective, noting that a lot of the sources I heard from were theologians, and knowing people who use it who have five or more kids didn't inspire a vote of confidence in me.

Yet, when I was reading Planned Parenthood's information, they noted that the effectiveness of Fertility Awareness is dependent on some factors. One, yes, your cycle needs to be regular. Two, it's better if you use multiple methods (taking your temp AND checking fluids AND charting on a calendar) but that also requires an extreme amount of diligence and cooperation from both partners (it helps if you're also monogamous :)). Three, the low effectiveness rate is due to lack of diligence more than anything and, if a combination of methods is used, effectiveness can be up to 99.6% (Phew!!!!). Four, things like breastfeeding can change your ability to read signs but at the same time, exclusive nursing for six months actually helps suppress fertility. Five, you have to be either disciplined enough to abstain for about ten days a month or be OK with using barrier methods (condoms, cervical caps, diaphragms, etc). Six, to actually learn these methods, both partners should take a class. All of this information can be found here.

I cannot tell you how relieved this made me. It's one thing to read from Catholic sources but they do have to say that. To hear this from doctors and professionals who are committed to affirming all women's choices gives me a huge vote of confidence. I had been a fan of it before but I at least wanted to use barriers as a back up. Of course, that choice is still up to me (hey, we do have a conscience clause, right?) but to know that I can use it and it can work by itself, so long as I'm diligent and committed helps me a lot. Obviously, I'd have to be extremely committed and my partner would have to be, but it's nice to know that I can prevent pregnancy and follow my faith's tenets at the same time.

It does bother me that many Catholics have so much animosity towards PP. They are not the type to simply push abortions and pills on women. They also encourage abstinence, obviously have information on NFP/FAM (and even recommend couples go to Catholic hospitals and churches to learn it), have information on body image and actually do help women who choose to raise kids or place them for adoption. Yes, like other organizations and institutions, they have their failings and coverups (which they do rectify) but, as Catholics, I'd like to think we'd understand something about that.

So, thanks again, Planned Parenthood! Thanks for affirming everyone's right to choose. And thanks for making it easier for me to be Catholic!

Don't wait for life to start

So, I have most of the summer to myself. My job has hired so many people, no one can be full time. Most of my friends have "real jobs" and are quite tired at the end of the day. My boyfriend works more hours than I do and, while he's certainly important, I cannot and should not make him my entertainer. Really, apart from looking at housing and some work days, I don't have that much to do. So, what do I do?

Well, I first try and clean up my space. I've found that I'm much more disciplined when my bed is made, my clothes are clean, and everything is in its place. Also, as one roommate is on vacation and the other has just obtained full time employment, it only makes sense that I would tackle most of the cleaning. While I struggled with organization my entire life, I've gotten over the stage of, "It's my place and my parents aren't here to tell me to clean!" I'm not so fond of not being able to find things when I need them. So, I try and pick up my space and maybe wipe down the counters, the bathroom sink, that sort of thing.

I also work out every day. No exceptions. If I'm going to work with kids all year, I should be in shape. I have my P90X kit, along with weight resistance bands, a mat, and a pull up bar, so I simply do a different workout each day. I find it helps me have more energy, better posture and increased confidence. It also helps that I've been eating better. While I am pretty young, I don't want to count on a fast metabolism forever. I also want to be healthy and I like being active. Even when it's too hot, nothing stops me from working out in my air-conditioned apartment.

In addition, I try to work on my music and writing. I always loved to sing and I find that singing is how I pray. While I can't afford to take lessons right now, nothing is stopping me from singing a few songs every day or joining my church choir. In addition, why not take out my guitar and play a few songs or work out of my lesson book? No, I'm not going to be the next big pop star, but it's something I love and something I end up using, so I might as well practice. In addition, why not blog or write my thoughts or stories? It keeps my brain active and helps me clear my mind a bit.

I also take opportunities to make extra cash. Next week, I'm filling in for someone at a friend's company while she's on vacation. It gives me the opportunity to do something constructive, meet people, and make some much needed money. I'll have something to do with my time and I'll be able to pay for a security deposit and a much needed haircut.

I've been finding opportunities to get involved with my church as well. I mentioned choir but they also have Bible studies, service events, and pizza nights. As I won't be doing everything and the kitchen sink next year, I'll have time to actually be a parishioner and not simply a semi-regular Mass attendee (I do attend every Sunday, just not at the same church due to scheduling). My boyfriend has also started attending with me and now it's something we do together. Now that I have the time, why not start getting to know my community?

Waiting for my life to start is a waste of time. If I'm sick of having nothing to do, I listen to my mom's words of the past and find something to do. In fact, I've been able to enjoy some of this quiet time. Not only have I been able to plan and to become more disciplined, I find it restful. I can only imagine I'll pray for this kind of time as soon as my year starts. In the meantime, I'll do all of the above and enjoy it.

More young people working multiple jobs........Yes, we're educated too

When we youth complain about our lot in life, the older adults are quick to remind us how "easy" we have it, how they sacrificed to give us a better life, and how we just have to work harder. What these adults don't often realize is that, no, we don't have it easier. In fact, we have it much harder. We have to deal with huge government debts and a swath of problems overseas (caused by these generations of older adults) that we never had to deal with in the past. Now, in this economy, we have to work multiple jobs to survive. According to this article, more of us college graduates are taking multiple part time jobs. Not because we're actors who need the days for auditions, not because we want to live outside of the typical workweek, it's because now, we have to.

Guess what? When we were in high school, applying for colleges, doing sports, music, and community service to have that "well-rounded" application, no one ever imagined this as our lot. While I do believe in the value of a college education (both for the mind and the paycheck in the long run), it is amazing to me that adults in our lives sold us onto college with the idea of making money. Luckily, my parents didn't emphasize that (they just wanted us to be educated), but the parents of so many others did. Further, our teachers would in those "career clusters" we had to participate in. As long as you studied hard, you could make something of yourself.

They didn't tell us it was now more about networking. They didn't tell us that we may have to either afford to work at multiple full-time unpaid internships or do said internship and work at a part time job on top of it to pay the bills. Of course, for the latter, even if you swing the job, you still have to move to a major metropolitan area if you're not already in one. They talk, talk, talk about the importance of a budget, of the need to put money away for retirement, without realizing that there is no retirement. There are no savings, period. Many of us give up our weekends and hopes for vacations so that we can afford our rent. For many of us, moving back home is not an option (nothing in my field back home). What about grad school? I want an MBA-something that requires work experience and something I've been told to let someone else (an employer) pay for. Further, many of my friends who went to grad school or law school suffer even more, due to the increasing amount of debt and the dangers of specialization (study what you want, by any means, but don't pigeonhole yourself too much).

I know I have an opportunity for next year, something I've been very fortunate to have. However, I see the situation of several friends, who either intern (paid) full-time and still have to wait tables, who have applied to nearly 100 places with no interview and no, they won't allow you to follow up anymore, who went to law school and graduated at the top of their game with good internships only to find that no one was hiring lawyers anymore. I have friends who nailed that entry-level job only to find that it doesn't pay quite enough to live and they still need the college job on the weekends (sales associate, restaurant server) in order to even hope for anything extra. Even though they have enough, the economy takes a toll in a different way, the toll of little rest and relaxation.

People bemoan the destruction of values, of families. For many of us, values are important but survival comes first. As for families, we're told we should be independent of our families of origin and, even if we wanted to start our own, we're too poor and too unstable to do so. Trust me, God willing my own relationship survives a couple of years, I'd gladly marry my boyfriend and I always wanted to have my kids young. However, a lot of that depends on our ability to draw a steady paycheck. Everyone says the American dream is to give your kids better than what you had. Well, until I can attain something leading to that, I will not partake. Besides, a kid needs parents who are present, not parents who are working four jobs each to survive.

Feminists-Not All One Type

People like to portray feminists as evil. We apparently hate men, hate children, hate our own womanhood, try to be men, destroy families, despise religion (yet, we're also all Wiccans, apparently), and mock any woman who conforms to traditional ideals of femininity. Every feminist apparently worships abortion as a sacrament and seeks to castrate every man on site. Well, as a feminist, a practicing Catholic, and in a loving, respectful, EQUAL relationship with my MALE partner, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong.

First, we have crazies in every bunch so you may see those types of women (however, Wiccans are excluded from the "crazies" part, but that's another post). At the same time, my qualifiers for feminism include the following: do you believe women should have the right to vote and to participate politically? Do you believe women should be paid equally for the same work, for the same quality of work, as well as have opportunities for promotion? Do you think women deserve to be protected legally from crimes such as rape and violence, regardless of her choice of wardrobe or whether or not she's sexually "pure"? Bottom line, do you think women should have the right to make their own choices? If you answered yes, you're a feminist.

What does that mean? It means we come in different shapes and sizes. Some of us come from traditional religious backgrounds and still observe these traditions (hello :)), while it doesn't work for others. Some of us belong to the LGBTQ community while others identify as heterosexual (and sometimes, that changes). Some feminists are MEN (my boyfriend is one:)). Some of us love shopping, fashion, and beauty, others could care less, others are middle of the road. Some vote Democrat, others Republican. Even if we respect a woman's right to choose, many of us have our own feelings about abortion (personally, I'm against it, I just don't want to see women die here, like they do in Kenya). Some of us wait till marriage to have sex, others don't. Some are stay at home moms (whether by choice or circumstance), others have careers. Indeed, some of us are stay at home DADS, and some are not. Some of us are parents, period, others are not. Some are young people, hoping to change the world, others are seasoned veterans. Some of us have backgrounds of military service, while others refuse to partake.

You can't always tell someone's ideology simply by looking. We may appear to you in power suits, summer dresses, jeans and a T-shirt, or our workout wear. Some of us may appear to you in clerical garb and religious habits, or with yarmulkes, hijabs (and other variations of Muslim dress), bindis, and other markers of distinct religious/cultural background. We may appear as your managers, your students, your parents, your politicians, your teachers, your scientists, your waiters, your musicians, or a mix of everything. We may talk about things like sports, the weather

18-year-olds make me feel old....

I was at my restaurant job yesterday, rolling silverware with the other servers. Most of them were just turning eighteen, off to college and spending their summer working and hanging out with their friends. They were talking about their high school friends, previous travel experiences they took to beef up their college applications, and their adventures with fake ID's. It happens every summer. Each new crop of kids, some of whom used to be seating hosts, is now old enough to become a server and earn the accompanying pile 'o cash they can now spend for fun (those days seem forever ago to me). Old enough to know they're legal adults but young enough to still be protected by their parents, they live in a paradox of youthful arrogance and equally youthful naivete. I should know, I was there at one point (though I never had a fake....).

For the first time, however, I felt old. Not old as in, "My youth is done!" but old as in, that feels so far away from me. While they're thinking of summer parties and saying goodbye to friends and high school sweethearts, I'm looking for a new apartment and planning a budget on a stipend. While they are fretting over majors and focusing more on the social aspect of college, I'm contemplating career moves and grad school. While they can shop simply because they have the extra money, I'm making grocery lists and planning trips to Target to organize my space. While they can't wait to leave their parents, I miss mine. While they've been attending friends' Sweet Sixteens, I've been attending weddings. While they revel in the status of legal adulthood, I'm living an adult's life.

It's amazing to think that a human being can change so much in what seems to be so little. Four years ago, I was like them. I myself could not wait to get out of my small town (best decision I made after become Catholic and going to Kenya). I myself was so sure of things, whether of my dreams to be a doctor or of my high school sweetheart. While I did think of the future, my life was more about school clubs and friends. Of course, that all changed. My dreams changed, my relationship ended, I made new friends, and school clubs started giving way to jobs, internships and travel. I'm in a fairly new relationship now and realizing I made a much better decision this time around. I started living on my own and learned how to deal with banks and leases. While I'm a lot happier in DC, I realized that I do miss my family and coming home to visit is pretty nice. I learned that not making my bed every day just made me feel disorganized and that eating ice cream just because I could was the fastest way to sap my energy and make me need new clothes when I can't afford them. I learned that shit happens and all you can do is clean it yourself, regardless of whether you're the one who left it.

I understand why older adults yearn for that period of youth. You're so sure of yourself, because you do have some innocence, yet you're old enough to have freedom at the same time. For some of these kids, life hasn't complicated things for them yet, not through parental divorce, teen pregnancy, or the death of their friends. You feel the immense power of your youth, protecting you from all evils, feeling sure that nothing will ever happen to you. Yet, while all of this will disappear, it will give way to something greater. A feeling of purpose, a drive to succeed and contribute something worthy, a strength that allows you to pull through the difficulties. Friends who really do have your back, who choose to be loyal to you for no other reason than they simply want to. Maybe, one day, a partner who doesn't care about the loss of your youthful looks but loves you instead for what's inside and vows to stick with you till death do you part. Hopefully, it will give way to a greater capacity to love and to give, a sense of humility about your weaknesses and a sense of confidence about your strength. It is through this growth process that allows young people to become exactly what they wish to be.

That's part of why youth is so amazing. Not because of who you are at that time. It's because it allows you to choose who you will become. That's why we all hope to be forever young.

"Oh, if you just put some makeup on....."

I am not anti-makeup. On the contrary, I do like the ability to hide my zits and show off my eyes and lips. I see it as somewhat artistic and fun. It also never used to be a female only activity. Men in many cultures would do it to show masculinity and power (btw, same with long hair). What I do hate, however, is the expectation that I must wear makeup to look attractive. Especially when that looking attractive determines important decisions such as, you know, your career and your spouse.

I understand the need to look presentable. Even if you were at a party the night before, you should still show up to work clean, well groomed, and ready to hit the deck. That goes for men and women. For an interview, you should take extra time to take care of your hair, make sure your clothes are pressed and that you coordinate appropriately. For a first date, it's good for each party to spend some extra time on their appearance to make a good first impression. However, the expectation we seem to have for women is that they should appear no less than stunning at all times. Whether we face airbrushed ads selling unrelated objects such as cars or celebrities who can afford to have makeup artists, hairdressers, plastic surgeons and personal trainers live with them, we're given the illusion of competition. Rather than competing with our intelligence, our personalities, and our good will, we're competing with our images.

OK, world, how fucked up is that? We tell our little girls that appearance (so long as you're clean and healthy) doesn't matter, that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up and that they shouldn't focus on boys so much. Yet, when these little girls grow up, we're shameless in our hypocrisy. You "need" makeup and constant change of wardrobe to get that job, that guy (what if you don't even like guys?), to impress people. If you're not one of the few natural stunners, then you especially need makeup to "show off those pretty eyes/smile of yours." If there's one thing that makes me doubt our praise of meritocracy (and there are many), it's this one.

Think of how much money we spend, trying to look good. Think of what that money could have been used for. We could be investing that money. We could be using it to pay for our grad school education, to save for a wedding or a house, give it to good charities, or travel. Think of the time we spend fretting over our looks, time that could be spent reading the news, organizing advocacy events, and finding ways to make a difference in our communities.

Makeup in and of itself is not bad. We like to be creative with our appearance. However, our societal attitude toward it is quite disturbing. And that's just putting it mildly.

Why Scots and Italians are awesome......

Before I explain, I just want to say that I think all cultures have their own awesome ideas, artwork, proverbs, expressions, and food. I think all have something to contribute and I'm certainly proud of all of my ancestries, from the Scottish Highlanders, to the English, to the Germans, the Austrian Jews, the Florentines, and the Spaniards. Yet, my Scottish and my Italian that I've felt the strongest pull to. To me, they seem to be fiery, stubborn, proud, romantic, valient peoples who may not be the most powerful in the world but still manage to capture hearts. For some reason, that always resonated with me. Thus, my ode to the Gaelic and garlic that run in my veins. Why so awesome? Well.....

1. 
   
   Scots and Italians have the sexiest accents in the world. Seriously. All I need to hear is "Bellissima!" or "my lass" and I'm sold.


2. 
   
   They also make amazing music. The hairs on my neck stand up at bagpipes (which they BOTH have) and at well sung classical music. Celtic dance and tarantellas tend to awake something powerful within me. While music has the tendency to move me, the music of my ancestors will forever be special.


3. 
   
   We GAVE fashion to the world. Like plaid? You might be wearing a clan's tartan! Boots and handbags? Italians own the world with those!


4. 
   
   Good drinks. This particular contribution is why neither Italian nor Scottish Christians feel bad about drinking. If anything, we believe God gave it to us. Like any gift of God, it should be treated with respect, but we can enjoy in moderation. This crosses denominational lines.


5. 
   
   We're very tied to our families and communities and we protect our own. That's why it's important for an Italian to know his region and a Scot his clan. With regions come certain foods, flags and dialects. With clans come tunes, tartans and mottos, as well as other benefits (seriously, in America, they'll give you scholarships).


6. 
   
   For the Christians, we give the best in Christian theology. The Spanish, Irish and Germans may have a hold on this one as well, but Scotland and Italy are EXTREMELY respected places to study theology. Of course, Italy for Catholicism, Scotland for Protestantism (particularly Calvinism).


7. 
   
   Poetry. Who doesn't know Dante or Burns? Oh yeah, and they're both romantic :D


8. 
   
   Thistles and sunflowers :D


9. 
   
   Interesting cuisines. Haggis, anyone? How about rabbit? Squid?


10. 
    
    Due to every conquest in the world, as well as immigration waves and the need to create strong offspring, we can look like just about anyone. In either nation, you'll find beautiful blue eyed, light haired people, as well as beautiful dark haired, dark eyed people of every possible ethnic combination. And we can still call ourselves Scots and Italians.


11. 
    
    We don't need to be nation-states to prove ourselves :D

This is a small list of why I am proud of these two nations that compose a part of my heritage.