My pet peeves as a woman

1. Any comment made about my body: Seriously, when did my figure become like the weather? Positive or negative, no comment is needed unless from my spouse as a compliment or from my doctor as a concern. If it's good, well, I'd rather you compliment my mind. If it's bad, do what your mama says, "If you can't say anything nice, zip it".

2. "You look like you're in high school!" : Any comment about me looking younger pisses me off. When you're young, no one takes you seriously and either treats you like a little kid or a piece of ass. As someone who worked her ass off to get through college, it makes me want to spit in your face. I've spent my entire life working to be defined as more than just my face and it makes me hate being both young and female. No, I don't want to look younger when I'm older. Older women are gorgeous and they're taken seriously. Besides, I've got my man and I won him over in jeans and a T-shirt, if you're really that concerned. Again, zip it.

3. "How will you have a family?" : Would you ask a man this question? Absolutely not. My family decisions lie between me, God, and my (soon to be) husband, who, by the way, is completely supportive of my ideas. I would love to have kids one day and I do want to do what's best for them. At the same time, I fail to see how following my dreams makes me selfish, especially if it allows me to teach my kids that, yes, there is a world out there. Besides, in this economy, it's vital.

4. Any criticism about my wedding plans: If you think I'm wearing a dress that prevents me from using the toilet by myself, you're messed up. If I am neither 3 nor 93, nor in a serious accident or ill, I will continue to using the toilet by myself. I'm sorry ladies, it creeps me out that this is socially acceptable. In addition, why is it a big deal if I wear a white dress? I am an orthodox Catholic, that's all you need to know about my sex life. You wouldn't ask my husband about his or demand he show his purity. Again, me, hubby, God. Take a note from Salt 'n' Pepa and remember that it's none of your business.

5. References to the state of my womb: If I'm pissed, I'm pissed and it has nothing to do with the state of my endometrial lining. I don't say a guy is pissed because he's not getting any or because his testosterone is too high. Further, if you're the one pissing me off, it's your fault I'm angry. I am emotional but I also come by it honestly and both males and females in my family are. It has nothing to do with the time of the month. In addition, everyone gets pissed once in awhile. We are only human.

6. Assumptions made about desires for children: Yes, I want them. Only two. Maybe three (if I adopt a foster kid). People fail to understand, I work with 27 of them. I love them dearly. At the same time, they make me realize that I am not ready for parenthood. I love children. I am just not ready for the sleepless nights, the fights, the never being able to take your eyes of them, and the constant fear of something happening to them. I also am not in a good place financially. I also want time to get used to being married. We also want to travel, go to school, and do stuff. It doesn't mean I'm not following my faith, it doesn't mean I'm not feminine. I just think it's irresponsible to become a parent when we have things we want to do and when we're not in a good place to support them.

7. Being treated differently: I'm not talking about politeness, I think we should support that. I also like it when my companion gets my chair for me. However, don't call me things like, "Little lady," "Sweetie," and "Honey" if you don't know me, that's creepy/condescending. Don't touch me for any reason if you're not close to me. Don't change my title just because of my age and marital status (if a guy gets to stay "Mr." or "Sir", why can't I be "Ma'am" or "Ms."?). Don't think that a ring is the only thing stopping you from treating me like a human being. Also, if you touch me and I don't know you/like you, I will kick your ass. And you will cry.

8. "Don't make such a big deal!": We make up over 50% of the population and we're still under oppression, everywhere we go. We always have to worry about rape and other forms of sexual and violent attack. We do most of the world's work, yet own the least property and make the least pay. We never get political representation and the most uneducated clerics (of all faiths) treat us as servants and agents of sin. Women's health gets overlooked just about everywhere, women's education lags all over the world, and girls are still sold as property or killed at or before birth just for having XX chromosomes. Damned straight, I'm going to make a big deal out of it.

9. "You're pretty, you'll find someone": Or really, anything about "you're pretty." It doesn't and shouldn't matter. Health should matter, because it's your health. Beauty fades or can be easily destroyed by either accident or illness. What matters is my mind, my character. Obviously, I have nothing to worry about, I found someone who values exactly that. The problem is, this assumption makes it seem like men value nothing other than a hot airhead. That does a disservice not only to women, but to men as well. Men do value beauty but the secret is, that applies to inner beauty. This stereotype not only blocks women, it blocks men. How sad is that?

10. Comparing a woman to her friends/sisters: Divide and conquer is an apt proverb here. There is nothing that makes a woman hate other women (and, consequently, herself) more than making her feel she's inadequate. Whether it's not being pretty enough, not having the boobs, the butt, or the ability to win guys with little more than a smile, this is a surefire way to distract women and keep them focused on petty issues. Point? It doesn't and shouldn't matter. Besides, I bet the really pretty girls get tired of not being taken seriously and the girl who gets all the guys may not be that happy.

I am first, a human being

I am happy to be female. I don't deny that I am made in God's image and I don't mind the way I was designed. However, I hate it when people act like my womanhood comes before my personhood. If even St. Paul (who did not argue against defined gender roles) could say that, in the end, there is no male or female, that is how I will live.

My womanhood does not and should not limit my ability to do things, such as travel. My womanhood should not mean that my desires to both have a career and a family are conflicting. My womanhood should not mean that, despite my hard work and education, I receive less payment than a man, yet still pay more for services such as haircuts, health care and dry cleaning. My womanhood should not mean that I have to constantly look over my shoulder, for fear of rape. My womanhood should not mean that my chances of political representation are five times less than the population of people identifying as female. My womanhood should not mean my dreams for the future are limited to a white dress. My womanhood should not mean that insults against me are so terrible, so obscene, you can't say them on TV.

It's hard being feminist and Catholic because, at times, I feel that the world is against me. No one understands why I fight so hard for equality, something I see so little of, despite how far we've come. At the same time, no one understands why I myself would hold to conservative standards. What they don't realize is that these are equally my choices. The only thing I've asked for my entire life is to be taken seriously and treated like a free agent, wherever I am and by whomever I meet. I ask that because, like everyone else, I am a human being, made in the image and likeness of God, saved by the blood of Christ and deserving of everything that a man deserves simply because St. Paul was right. There is nothing that separates us before God.

So, why does so much separate me from other human beings?