Doubting Tom's

20 Small Ways to be Consistently Pro-Life

2012-01-28T08:58:00.000-08:00

1. Collect diapers and baby clothes for pregnancy resource centers and maternity shelters

2. Write letters to prisoners on death row

3. Donate professional clothes to organizations that prepare low-income people for job interviews

4. Donate winter clothes for refugees who come here with only the clothes on their backs

5. Volunteer in a school in a low-income neighborhood

6. Mentor a child through Big Brothers/Big Sisters (don't forget teens-they especially need mentors)

7. Write letters to your Congressperson about issues of hunger, poverty, and education

8. Educate yourself about these issues (Bread for the World is a great resource about hunger and poverty)

9. Volunteer at a homeless shelter

10. Help start a community garden

11. Write letters to Congress about environmental degradation (Green America is another great resource)

12. Host a fundraising event through Women for Women International to help women survivors of war in different parts of Africa

13. Make a Thanksgiving basket for a low income family on Thanksgiving

14. Correct your friends and relatives when they make a prejudicial remark about someone based on race, abilities, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or what have you

15. Call someone out on slut-shaming (speaking ill of a woman based on her real or perceived sexual past)

16. Collect supplies for your local rape crisis center/volunteer at your local rape crisis center

17. Volunteer at your local hospital/hospice center/nursing home

18. Advocate for people with disabilities

19. Advocate for paid parental leave and educational/vocational opportunities for low-income people
20. Advocate for education that includes contributions by people of all backgrounds

What's in a Name?

2012-01-01T08:46:00.000-08:00

In my sophomore year of college, I took a gender studies course. My university requires that students take classes in social institutions and, as someone who identified as feminist from age thirteen (pro-life views notwithstanding), it sounded interesting. The course did not disappoint. We analyzed cultural constructions of gender in every single institution, from health care, to the work force, to the institutions of marriage and family life. We did a huge unit on how gender impacts weddings and one topic that came up was name changing. According to some studies, younger women were likely to change their names while older women kept theirs. In my own life, I've found this to be true. I've found that most of my married friends (younger women, like myself) were likely to change their last names. I am probably one of the few who chooses to keep hers. While I do not condemn this choice, I do find it interesting.

I choose to keep my name because, while marriage changes my life and soul (yes, soul, for all you Catholics out there), it does not change my identity. If it did change people's identities, why is my husband not expected to take mine in return? I choose not to change it because I don't believe I disappear into him. The changes that happen within us are the same, yet we still are the same at our core. This is reflected in the way the Church chooses to document marriages. Even if a woman changes her last name in civil documents, her last name remains the same as the one she was born with in Church documents. A marriage is egalitarian and I want my choices to reflect that. Of course, my friends are professional, educated women who still make this decision and I respect that. At the same time, I shouldn't make the same one if I don't find it represents my belief in what marriage is and should be.

Some people are curious as to what we'll do when we have kids. We're thinking of simply giving them both of our last names. People will question paperwork but I'd respond with the fact that it's not quite as complicated as it used to be. In professional circles (and certainly academic ones), we're not that unique. To be honest, regardless of that, I don't believe conforming to culture for convenience's sake is a good idea. In addition, for questions of family unity, that is still preserved. Latin American families still manage to preserve that element and they seem to do fine. Besides, how do families manage paperwork if their kids have two first names (Catholic examples like Mary Catherine or Mary Margaret come to my head)? Yes, people will make mistakes with the names and my own kids will have to figure out how to do it when they get married. I can't let that stop me from passing on good names, just like I can't let society stop me from raising my kids to be devout Catholics.

My name still stays the same and so does my title. I will always be a Ms. unless that is replaced by Dr. (yes, academia is calling to me a bit). Some of my friends see differently and that's fine. However, this is my choice, the choice I and my fiance have made for our family. It is possible to be orthodox Catholics without adhering to the dictates of culture-especially when that does not work to my benefit (aside from identity, it also results in me facing even more discrimination in terms of pay). I want to have a marriage that is pleasing to God and that also shows us as standing on equal footing. To me, keeping our names and passing both to our children accomplishes exactly that.

Non-Catholic relatives and the "hard stuff"

2011-12-30T14:32:00.000-08:00

My fiance and I are both converts to Catholicism. My family is a mix of non-practicing Catholic/Protestant while his is a mix of Protestant and Jewish. In addition, we both have friends on various journeys of faith. As we are both pretty orthodox in thinking and in practice, disbelief about our lifestyle does come up, as well as questions about our opinions on various topics. Because there often is a lack of understanding, sometimes, seemingly innocuous questions come off as endless at best and difficult at worst. How do we face it? Here are some tips.

Don't assume everything is oppositional: Not every question requires a drawn out defense of Catholic teaching and practice. Most of the time, even cradle Catholics don't always understand aspects of Catholic living, especially when it comes to issues of morality. When it comes to living out the Church's teachings on sexuality, for example, people may have an image of the Duggars or another extremely conservative family with many children, a stay-at-home mom who homeschools, where girls aren't encouraged to have a career, etc.* They may not understand that it is possible to live a modern lifestyle while also obeying the Church's teachings.
Be honest about what you don't know: As a convert, I had to do a lot of intense study in order to figure out whether Catholicism was right for me. As such, I often am the "Catholic resource" for both Catholic and non-Catholic family and friends. However, there is still much I don't know. I can't pretend to be an expert on everything and I know that people don't expect me to be. Also, honesty may encourage others to look up different things themselves so that they can better understand.
Laugh it off: While we may know our faith pretty well, some aspects of Catholicism seem downright strange to people. Whether it's our stereotype about "no sex but drink as much as you want"**, taking your temperature every day and analyzing your body to decide when it's OK to have sex, why the old ladies still put Kleenex on their heads, and why, out of all our strict morals, timeliness is not one of them, we seem absolutely crazy. Laughing it off and noting that, "We Catholics can be crazy some times" helps break tension and puts all parties at ease. It also gives us humility: while it's not easy having to explain so much about our faith, it's also not easy to see your otherwise intelligent son/daughter/friend make decisions that drive you batty.
Preach always, use words if necessary: Often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, this quote serves as a reminder to be a good example without getting preachy. No one wants to hear long-winded explanations about the origin of misconceptions and why one has to be stupid to believe them without looking at sources. That's both condescending and arrogant, two things no self-respecting Christian should become. What helps is to live our lives according to the Gospel and to be compassionate and understanding while living with integrity. That impresses people and inspires them. Another way to look at it is that you attract more with honey than with vinegar.
Acknowledge faults: Yes, the child abuse scandal is horrible. Yes, clergy and laity alike have done horrible, horrible things in the name of God/Jesus/the Holy Mother/the Church. Yes, women were oppressed, leaders did endorse slavery of Africans/Native Americans, Muslims/Jews/Protestants/non-believers were burned at the stake on orders from Catholic leaders. No, a torn mother should not have been excommunicated for seeking an abortion for her nine-year-old little girl who was raped by her stepfather and pregnant with twins (if anything, the rapist should have been excommunicated). Yes, the Rwandan Hutu priests who had all their Tutsi parishioners killed during the genocide were in the wrong. We can still believe our Church is true, point out misconceptions and defend our teachings while admitting that those who worked for or otherwise represented our faith have done horrible things. One virtue we stress, even to the point of having a Sacrament for, is accountability. I do not apologize for acts I have not committed personally so, no, it's not my responsibility to atone for those sins. At the same time, I will not pretend the earthly representation of the Church is blameless. It is a sin to lie.
Sometimes, you just can't discuss it: Even if people agree with you on everything else, there are certain issues that are just extremely touchy. Yes, I'm talking about sex again. While I'm willing to discuss my choices if people are simply curious and want some education, I'm not going to answer snide comments or extreme emotion, especially when I have a tendency to get really emotional about certain topics. I understand that I will probably never see eye to eye with my family and friends on most things related to sex and fertility. On those issues, I simply have to do what my fiance and I think is best for ourselves, each other and our relationship with God. Other people may not understand and that's OK.
The choice to convert sets you apart: I'm guessing that, when our parents held us in their arms on the days we were born, neither set dreamed, "Maybe, one day, he/she is going to become a Catholic and do great things for God!" While our families did leave the choice of religious practice up to us, they never imagined that Catholicism would factor in. My dad jokes that it was my "teenage rebellion" whereas others, while they appreciate the significance it has for us, still scratch their heads about it. In our society, religion is still seen as something chosen for you by your parents while the image of liberal, intellectually curious people is seen as tied to secularist beliefs. Especially as I tend to espouse a politically progressive stance and come off as a strident feminist, people often get confused when they find out I espouse traditional Catholic beliefs as well. While, in the eyes of serious, educated Catholics, orthodoxy can go with liberal politics and an egalitarian perspective on gender, they don't seem to blend well in the eyes of others. Again, a lengthy lesson in apologetics is not the answer. People do have misconceptions and may be shocked that you'd choose the faith. Be gentle
Pray, hope, and don't worry: Padre Pio was onto something when he said this. It's natural to want others to share in your faith and the joy that it gives you. However, worrying about your loved ones' salvation, constantly bringing up faith related matters, and trying to get people to agree with you is just not going to work. You believe God is an omnipotent being, right? Leave those concerns to Him. He'll take care of it.

Living the faith is not easy. All you can do is be the best example you can be and pray to God for the rest.

Genetic Counseling-OK for Catholics?

2011-12-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

This post is more personal than anything else. I'll admit, I have not consulted the Catechism or USCCB (U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops) about this, so if you're looking for something more official, this isn't it. However, as my fiance and I both carry an interesting set of genetics, it's been suggested by friends and family that we undergo genetic counseling. I've come to the conclusion that such can be licit for Catholics, as long as it's for knowledge only.

I would like to undergo it, simply to understand the health history of our families better. If we are carrying risks for certain disorders, knowing how likely we are to pass certain traits can help me better prepare if we did have a child with any of those disorders. For me, it would be like learning that your child has Down's Syndrome (in the womb). It would help me better prepare for the future and learn what resources exist for children with different disorders. This would help me understand whether I'd likely have to stay home (as opposed to taking maternity leave and returning to work), hire medical attendants, or figure out special education, as well as how early a child I have can be tested for certain things.

However, there are certain recommendations I'd never be able to take as a Catholic. One, I can't decide to simply not have children if I'm married. While I am allowed to use fertility awareness as a method of birth control, I still have to enter into marriage open to having a biological child (so, no, I can't get sterilized and neither can my husband). If I happen to not have children by mere circumstance, I'm not obligated to put in extra effort (whether through pills or adoption). I simply have to be open-regardless of what my genetics tell me.

I also cannot terminate a pregnancy. As a Catholic, that's self-explanatory. While I do have options if my life and the baby's life were in danger (and the doctors can only save me), I can't directly kill a child within my womb. This isn't simply religious teaching for me, it's an ethical one. While some may say it's more merciful or that you can't expect parents to change their lives so drastically, it's not an acceptable decision for me. Every life is worth living and, in an age where people with disabilities can live longer, happier, productive lives than ever before, there really is no excuse for certain disorders. Also, a child or adult can become disabled later in life. The difference here is that I'd have time to prepare and make arrangements.

In addition, I can't go through extraordinary means to have a kid. Assisted reproductive technologies (different from treatments that simply stimulate ovaries or increase sperm production) are also not allowed for any reason. Some genetic counselors suggest in vitro fertilization so that only healthy embryos would be selected for implantation. As in vitro is forbidden and it would mean that unhealthy embryos would be destroyed, I can't licitly choose that as an option.

It sounds like there are a lot of restraints for me to plan a family, even with genetic counseling. However, choosing to have a child is a sign of hope for the future. I would have my child regardless of whether or not he or she had disabilities. I choose to love any child that comes into my house, biologically or not, simply because I believe that there is a future for anyone who lives on this planet. At the same time, with this love, I'd choose to be prepared so that I could be the best parent I could be. So, yes, I do think genetic counseling can be licit for Catholic couples, so long as they abide by moral responsibilities in terms of family planning.

In a Catholic wedding......

2011-12-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

The things the Church could care less about:

1. Whether or not you change your name: Women are not obligated to change their family names in the Catholic Church. In fact, Catholic documents feature the name a woman was born with, regardless of whether or not she changes her name. In Latin American cultures, women actually keep their names and couples pass both on to their children. If you want to change your name, change it, but you don't have to.

2. What color dress you wear: White dresses do not mean the woman is a virgin. In fact, in our society, most women wear them whether or not they are virgins or otherwise committed to chastity. It was a custom made popular by a queen and most Catholics didn't wear white simply because they could not afford it. If you want to wear a white dress, fine, but it isn't mandated by any Catholic tradition. Wear any color dress you want. Just make sure it's modest.

3. Being "given away": Contrary to popular belief, women are NOT given away in Catholic weddings. The bride and groom are ministers of the Sacrament, which means the priest is simply witnessing (he does perform a Sacramental role in consecrating the Eucharist if you have a Mass but during the vows, it's all the bride and groom). While the Church lets fathers escort the bride or parents escort both spouses if that's what they choose, they would actually prefer for the bride and groom to walk together. Marriage should be a free choice made by both spouses so being "given away" runs contrary to our beliefs.

4. Men being "providers": The Church leaves the choice up to the couple. In his encyclical Mulieribus Dignitatem, JP2 praised women who had careers. While a couple needs to be open to having children and we do have teachings regarding abortion and contraception (no on abortion and only NFP as birth control), the choices about how to raise a family are left to the couple. If man working, woman staying at home works for a couple/family, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. You have to do what you're called to do and that choice is going to be different for each couple.

5. If you like sex: Actually, the Church wants you to like sex, so long as it's not illicit sex. You can use natural methods of birth control (they do work, as long as you're using it properly/no cheating, though none is 100% and you have to be very diligent). Outside of that, as long as you're not degrading your spouse or violating commandments (such as adultery-so no threesomes or "open marriages"), do whatever you want. The Song of Songs is in the Bible, right? Besides, if God didn't want us to enjoy sex, why is it the hardest thing to wait till you're actually married to make love to your spouse?

6. Engagement rings: Again, that's a society thing. It may actually be more responsible to not buy an engagement ring, due to vicious mineral conflicts and the state of the economy. I do have an heirloom ring and he also has a ring (a manly Catholic one, too). What, men can't wear engagement rings too? Show me the exact verse in the Bible or Catechism/piece of Canon Law. I don't think any Pope has made an infallible statement.

7. Needing to finance a huge shindig: Like engagement rings, it may actually be more responsible to not have a huge party. Should you be reasonably stable? Yes, that would be prudent. I don't want to be living paycheck to paycheck. I also don't think I should wait till I can afford a designer gown and an open bar (besides, I don't want people getting drunk at my wedding). Also, people get so swept up in luxury and elaborate plans that they forget the actual significance. If you don't have a ton of money, you can still have a beautiful and simple ceremony. In fact, it may be more profound than one swept in luxury.

Harsh words or tough love?

2011-12-22T11:09:00.001-08:00

When my future spouse and I went to Mass over the summer, the priest spoke of how people should not expect to simply do what they want in terms of getting married in the Church or baptizing their babies (like changing key words in vows, using music not suitable, or having people who don't meet basic criteria serve as godparents). He even went as far as to say, "No, you're a narcissist," when describing the attitudes. At first, I thought he was harsh but now, while I wouldn't come out and say someone is a narcissist, I feel I understand his frustration. At a time when 2/3 of Catholics don't even know the fundamentals of their faith and most simply "go through the motions" when it comes to Sacraments, I think a bit of tough love is needed.

It's not necessarily the fault of the parishioners. They can't be blamed for a couple generations of poor Catholic education. However, I do think we have the responsibility of changing the way we handle Sacraments in most parishes. When it comes to such enormous steps as marriage and the baptism of one's child, people need to be prepared. I think that, when a couple comes to a priest with either request, a conversation about the couple's faith, motivations, and knowledge should take place. If a couple needs to work on any, I'd recommend that they take an accelerated course on Catholicism in addition to pre-marriage and pre-baptism classes. I also believe a couple should be active in the parish and develop their spiritual lives. If they're not willing to do this, they shouldn't be allowed to get married in the Catholic Church and they shouldn't raise their kids Catholic.

Of course, when you mention this, people say, "But they should be happy! It's their choice!" No one is stopping these people from "being happy." If they want to get married, they can do so in a civil ceremony. They can have kids and have whatever secular ceremony they feel appropriate (some couples do secular naming ceremonies for their kids). However, Catholic Sacraments are rites, not rights, of passage and come with responsibilities to God as well as to the community. When you commit to one person in marriage in the Catholic Church, you are promising to help that person get into heaven and you're promising to uphold Christ's command for marriage. That's not something you can take lightly. When you have your baby baptized in the Church, you're promising to keep that child away from evil and help them on their path to God (you're also making sure your child is bound to Catholic teaching). If you can't do these things or don't even believe in these things, why would you do them?

Marriage and raising families are both adult decisions. The decisions you make about either of these things need to be ones you are willing to follow through on, regardless of what others say. You need to be able to do both for the right reasons. If you don't believe in the significance behind the Sacraments of both, why would you be dishonest with yourself and go through with them? People need to be honest about what they believe and if all they see in the Church is an opportunity for a party and a pretty backdrop, as well as an excuse to avoid Grandma's guilt trips, then no, they shouldn't be allowed to go through with such an enormous step within the building. The Church will guide you if you seek it, but it won't bend over backward for you. If you can't make yourself believe in the core teachings, that's fine. Just have a little integrity when you're planning the biggest events of your life.

Empowered, Female, and Catholic

2011-12-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

I am here to proclaim that yes, I am empowered, female and Catholic and that I intend to take over the world with nothing less than my charming smile. OK, I'm slightly kidding (about the charming smile part) but I do intend to live my life, a life pleasing to God and full of adventure, with or without everyone else's commentary.

It never ceases to amazed me that people's definition of "female empowerment' consists of conforming to someone else's norms. As a Catholic and a feminist, I feel I hear no end to it. First, I get criticism for wanting a traveling career, then I get criticism for being young and engaged (in what people see as a fairly young relationship). I get criticism for following the Church's teachings, yet for not necessarily wanting a "traditional" wedding and emphasizing egalitarian principles, values, and symbols. I just don't understand.

It amazes me that we tell our kids to break the norm, to not be like everyone else and that following the crowd can be dangerous ("If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?), yet, as adults, we interrogate those who choose not to conform. The sad thing is, most of these decisions we criticize are decisions that really have no effect and certainly no harm on the general population and usually, they are also personal decisions. For me, I choose to break the norm about certain things because I have been forced to consider what my values are and, if something does not reflect them or contradicts them, I am not maintaining a superficial image to please people. I still have to walk with integrity and do what's best by God, myself, and my future family.

The fact that I do make these choices makes me empowered. I refuse to let the crowd dictate my decisions, even if some members of that crowd are people I love very much. I believe in God, I believe that He gave us His Son and His Church, I also believe He made male and female in His image (Her image?), equal before Him. I've vowed to live my life, my vocation of marriage, and my career according to these principles. Why should the small things in my life not follow?

If I didn't truly believe in these ideals, I would not choose it. As I have, however, no one can say that it wasn't my choice.

My pet peeves as a woman

2011-11-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

1. Any comment made about my body: Seriously, when did my figure become like the weather? Positive or negative, no comment is needed unless from my spouse as a compliment or from my doctor as a concern. If it's good, well, I'd rather you compliment my mind. If it's bad, do what your mama says, "If you can't say anything nice, zip it".

2. "You look like you're in high school!" : Any comment about me looking younger pisses me off. When you're young, no one takes you seriously and either treats you like a little kid or a piece of ass. As someone who worked her ass off to get through college, it makes me want to spit in your face. I've spent my entire life working to be defined as more than just my face and it makes me hate being both young and female. No, I don't want to look younger when I'm older. Older women are gorgeous and they're taken seriously. Besides, I've got my man and I won him over in jeans and a T-shirt, if you're really that concerned. Again, zip it.

3. "How will you have a family?" : Would you ask a man this question? Absolutely not. My family decisions lie between me, God, and my (soon to be) husband, who, by the way, is completely supportive of my ideas. I would love to have kids one day and I do want to do what's best for them. At the same time, I fail to see how following my dreams makes me selfish, especially if it allows me to teach my kids that, yes, there is a world out there. Besides, in this economy, it's vital.

4. Any criticism about my wedding plans: If you think I'm wearing a dress that prevents me from using the toilet by myself, you're messed up. If I am neither 3 nor 93, nor in a serious accident or ill, I will continue to using the toilet by myself. I'm sorry ladies, it creeps me out that this is socially acceptable. In addition, why is it a big deal if I wear a white dress? I am an orthodox Catholic, that's all you need to know about my sex life. You wouldn't ask my husband about his or demand he show his purity. Again, me, hubby, God. Take a note from Salt 'n' Pepa and remember that it's none of your business.

5. References to the state of my womb: If I'm pissed, I'm pissed and it has nothing to do with the state of my endometrial lining. I don't say a guy is pissed because he's not getting any or because his testosterone is too high. Further, if you're the one pissing me off, it's your fault I'm angry. I am emotional but I also come by it honestly and both males and females in my family are. It has nothing to do with the time of the month. In addition, everyone gets pissed once in awhile. We are only human.

6. Assumptions made about desires for children: Yes, I want them. Only two. Maybe three (if I adopt a foster kid). People fail to understand, I work with 27 of them. I love them dearly. At the same time, they make me realize that I am not ready for parenthood. I love children. I am just not ready for the sleepless nights, the fights, the never being able to take your eyes of them, and the constant fear of something happening to them. I also am not in a good place financially. I also want time to get used to being married. We also want to travel, go to school, and do stuff. It doesn't mean I'm not following my faith, it doesn't mean I'm not feminine. I just think it's irresponsible to become a parent when we have things we want to do and when we're not in a good place to support them.

7. Being treated differently: I'm not talking about politeness, I think we should support that. I also like it when my companion gets my chair for me. However, don't call me things like, "Little lady," "Sweetie," and "Honey" if you don't know me, that's creepy/condescending. Don't touch me for any reason if you're not close to me. Don't change my title just because of my age and marital status (if a guy gets to stay "Mr." or "Sir", why can't I be "Ma'am" or "Ms."?). Don't think that a ring is the only thing stopping you from treating me like a human being. Also, if you touch me and I don't know you/like you, I will kick your ass. And you will cry.

8. "Don't make such a big deal!": We make up over 50% of the population and we're still under oppression, everywhere we go. We always have to worry about rape and other forms of sexual and violent attack. We do most of the world's work, yet own the least property and make the least pay. We never get political representation and the most uneducated clerics (of all faiths) treat us as servants and agents of sin. Women's health gets overlooked just about everywhere, women's education lags all over the world, and girls are still sold as property or killed at or before birth just for having XX chromosomes. Damned straight, I'm going to make a big deal out of it.

9. "You're pretty, you'll find someone": Or really, anything about "you're pretty." It doesn't and shouldn't matter. Health should matter, because it's your health. Beauty fades or can be easily destroyed by either accident or illness. What matters is my mind, my character. Obviously, I have nothing to worry about, I found someone who values exactly that. The problem is, this assumption makes it seem like men value nothing other than a hot airhead. That does a disservice not only to women, but to men as well. Men do value beauty but the secret is, that applies to inner beauty. This stereotype not only blocks women, it blocks men. How sad is that?

10. Comparing a woman to her friends/sisters: Divide and conquer is an apt proverb here. There is nothing that makes a woman hate other women (and, consequently, herself) more than making her feel she's inadequate. Whether it's not being pretty enough, not having the boobs, the butt, or the ability to win guys with little more than a smile, this is a surefire way to distract women and keep them focused on petty issues. Point? It doesn't and shouldn't matter. Besides, I bet the really pretty girls get tired of not being taken seriously and the girl who gets all the guys may not be that happy.

I am first, a human being

2011-11-24T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am happy to be female. I don't deny that I am made in God's image and I don't mind the way I was designed. However, I hate it when people act like my womanhood comes before my personhood. If even St. Paul (who did not argue against defined gender roles) could say that, in the end, there is no male or female, that is how I will live.

My womanhood does not and should not limit my ability to do things, such as travel. My womanhood should not mean that my desires to both have a career and a family are conflicting. My womanhood should not mean that, despite my hard work and education, I receive less payment than a man, yet still pay more for services such as haircuts, health care and dry cleaning. My womanhood should not mean that I have to constantly look over my shoulder, for fear of rape. My womanhood should not mean that my chances of political representation are five times less than the population of people identifying as female. My womanhood should not mean my dreams for the future are limited to a white dress. My womanhood should not mean that insults against me are so terrible, so obscene, you can't say them on TV.

It's hard being feminist and Catholic because, at times, I feel that the world is against me. No one understands why I fight so hard for equality, something I see so little of, despite how far we've come. At the same time, no one understands why I myself would hold to conservative standards. What they don't realize is that these are equally my choices. The only thing I've asked for my entire life is to be taken seriously and treated like a free agent, wherever I am and by whomever I meet. I ask that because, like everyone else, I am a human being, made in the image and likeness of God, saved by the blood of Christ and deserving of everything that a man deserves simply because St. Paul was right. There is nothing that separates us before God.

So, why does so much separate me from other human beings?

The body

2011-10-19T02:55:00.000-07:00

A woman's life is tied to her body in a way that a man's simply isn't. People are always analyzing our bodies-whether or not they're beautiful, attractive, healthy (looking) enough to bear a child. It's no secret that our rites of passage involve what I like to call the four M's-menstruation, marriage, motherhood, and menopause. Even today, when we are encouraged to be well educated, have careers and have at least lip service to a political voice (female politicians being treated as they are in the media), the focus is always on the body. Advertisements, celebrity gossip, the well meaning advice of our mothers all still focus on the body.

Yet, when it comes to actually caring for the body, we fall short. Much like a woman's political voice, people pay lip service to the need for better health, especially better women's health but how much of that is actually encouraged? For example, for mothers who just gave birth, especially if they are breastfeeding, doctors advise a slow weight loss. Yet, when a female celebrity gives birth, she's almost encouraged to lose all the weight. How many, "New mom loses 30 pounds in the first month" stories have you seen? Of course, the magazines will sound concerned-until a mom actually doesn't lose the weight like that and they're like, "She admits to letting herself go."

"Letting herself go," my ass. She just gave birth! That's not letting yourself go, that's letting yourself recover! Of course, motherhood is no excuse in our society, we're still expected to be rail thin. Actually, skinny's taking me somewhere. I'm thin. How many times have I heard, "Oh, you're thin! You don't need exercise or healthy foods!" So, because I look small, I don't need to be fit or healthy? Yet, when a woman is larger, even if she DOES eat right and exercise, she faces no end to the criticism. It could be the one day she eats ice cream but, when she does, people are horrified. I could eat ice cream every day, feel like crap, and have the stamina of a 90-year-old woman yet because my body conforms to society, that's OK. Never mind that, even among skinny college kids, they are finding problems like high blood pressure, high cholesterol and other issues people don't think of until you hit your forties. For this, I don't think the issue should just be an "obesity" crisis, it should be a "health" crisis.

Or fertility. Take "control" of your life, even if that "control" means pills that increase your risk of heart attacks, liver problems, and breast cancer, as well as, apparently, making women vulnerable to AIDS. Even if it means horribly invasive surgery that has risk of complications and puts you up for over a month. Even if it means we're the ones bearing the brunt of the responsibility. Even if it means fewer choices when we actually do become pregnant and give birth and stigma no matter what choice you make (I'm not even touching abortion, adoption, single parenthood here-just things like breast vs. bottle or home vs. hospital!). Even if it means doctors who are well-meaning but horribly misguided and who, at some level, have to look after themselves even at the expense of our health.

I'm not even going to get started on the various aspects of the media, sexual preferences or issues like that. The fact of the matter is, this is a huge scourge on our society. A woman's body, like a man's, is a temple. A temple that should be respected, honored, venerated because within that temple contains something more precious: the soul. At the end of the day, the soul is what matters. We need to start acting like it does.

My feminism

2011-10-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

I do identify as a feminist. I believe that, world wide, women should have choices. I deserve the rights to pursue education, a career path, money based on my merits alone, protection from violence and fear of harm, and to pursue and form my own friendships and family. I deserve the right to practice my faith, to speak out on issues, and to be treated as a human being, without fear of any sort of retribution. However, aspects of my feminism are variable and don't conform to any sort of model.

I do believe that people should not face persecution for their sexual identity or choices (unless those choices involve a non-consenting partner, that is). I believe homophobia and corresponding bullying/acts of violence are reprehensible. I don't care what people do with their partners. That's their decision. However, I'll admit, I'm not completely condoning. For example, I think promiscuity (irrespective of identity) is irresponsible. In a society that worries about STI's, HIV, and cervical cancer, even protection can't make up for the increased risk. I'll admit, regardless of gender or sexual identity, I think it's selfish and represents and attitude of consumerism with regard to people. We're human beings, not cars to test drive or clothes to try on before you by them. Save that shit for a commitment!

With regard to abortion: I'll admit, I'm pro-choice with regard to desperate circumstances. Rape, incest, life threatening medical complications, impending poverty, excessive youth (see rape and incest for that one) are all circumstances in which I would deem it a necessary evil. Believe me, I don't want the back alley to come back. Nor do I want women to die or face serious complications (mentally, financially, physically) because of a pregnancy. At the same time, I don't think it's right willy-nilly. Yes, the men need to step it up in terms of support. Yes, we need fair policies. I agree with that. Yes, we need more education. No, I don't think late-term abortions are OK (unless really life threatening and the baby isn't viable at all). I know, most people don't like it/want it, and I'm not saying that. However, hearing about the twin selection abortions (where mom decides, "Oh, I'll just have one") or a recent article in which a mom confessed to, "not wanting to move to a cheaper zip code," I have to wonder. I'm not sure this is a direction I want our society going into.

I just can't jump as easily on board with what other feminists authors would claim as feminist sexuality. Part of that is my Catholicism, which I adhere to pretty strictly. At the same time, it's not even about what people do different from me. Like I said, I don't care if a friend has a same-sex partner or that sort of thing (I won't do likewise but it's between them and God). I just can't embrace a vision of sexuality that reduces us to fifteen minutes. Nor can I embrace a vision of bodily autonomy that puts me at war with my offspring.

Fertility Awareness and an Interfaith Dialogue

2011-10-17T03:01:00.000-07:00

I had learned of fertility awareness in my first foray into Catholicism. When I was converting, I knew that Catholics couldn't use artificial birth control but they could use a natural method. For a long time, I wanted to learn about it, as well. However, my period in Kenya made me question, as I ended up using the pill to help my periods and loved it so much, I figured I'd just stay on it. In addition, seeing women in poverty with eight kids-including one nursing baby and one in utero-made me a tad protective of my lady parts. Of course, then I couldn't take the pill anymore because my doctor was concerned over my liver and then I fell in love with a wonderful Catholic man. I was still nervous, because I didn't really trust condoms (18 instructions-you really going to follow them in the heat of the moment?) and felt I was unprotected. Then, I did my research.

Lo and behold, Planned Parenthood and the University of Maryland both supported Catholic sources saying that fertility awareness methods were effective-as long as you and your spouse (yes, both of you) were diligent. One of my married friends sent me a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility (written by a non-Catholic woman who doesn't feel any moral qualms about premarital sex or the use of barriers on fertile days) as well as some charts and a basal body thermometer. I was reading the book on the metro when a Muslim lady approached me and told me, "Oh, that book is awesome! I've been married ten months and it WORKS!!!!!!!!!!"

Whew!

We had a wonderful conversation about marriage and ended up exchanging numbers. I have to tell you, this woman did me such an act of mercy. Unfortunately, even most Catholics would tell me to use birth control. My own family doesn't know too much about it-my mom once told me it was for couples who need help getting pregnant. Others will say, "What do you call a couple who uses natural birth control? Parents!" Or, "abstention? That's too much to ask of a man!"

Yet, after that conversation and perusal through this book, I too am falling in love. I can actually know what's happening in my body, prevent AND achieve pregnancies, not have any side effects, not spend money (except on software to keep track and on a class, if I feel it necessary), AND my guy HAS to cooperate. I can't imagine a better form of birth control.

My body, my choice. :D

So, How Did It Happen?

2011-10-01T06:27:00.001-07:00

I spent most of my college years thinking my life would be one of travel, a glamourous career, and one spent mostly by myself. If I married at all, it would be later in life, perhaps with adopted children, as I'd be too old to give birth (much like a beloved relative of mine, may he rest in peace). The kind of guy I'd fall for would be likely Catholic, as I still adhere to my faith, yet also somewhat of a hippie. He'd be daring and adventurous, willing to go mountain climbing and surfing with me in dangerous parts of the world. In the quieter aspects of our life, we'd make lattes, do yoga, and play music at open mics. He'd likely be of some type of Mediterranean, as I tended to fall for them, the kind that cooks and enjoys good food, kisses everyone with enthusiasm, has no qualms about alcohol (OK, the northern/mostly Christian Mediterranean type), and has long wild dark hair.

And then God laughed. Hard.

I ended up in a serious relationship my senior year of college. How serious? We announced our engagement very recently. Recently meaning, after six months together. Barely two months after I turned twenty-two. And, while my guy is handsome, intelligent, as much of an urbanite and a willing traveler as I am, he so does not fit the stereotype I just laid out for you. Like me, he has Italian blood, but looks more like the Irish and Scots in his ancestry, with beautiful blue eyes (everyone else had brown eyes). He tends to reserve his affection for people close to him, enjoys good food but wants to learn to cook, isn't a fan of most alcohol, and wears his hair short. He does go to the gym but if I suggest we do yoga together, he looks at me funny. He has many talents but his creativity shows up more in writing and in thought, while my open mic performances will likely remain solo endeavors (once I have time for them). He does enjoy a good chai latte every now and again. Hikes, I could see us doing. Climbing Mount Kenya? Maybe, if we could afford it. Surfing? We like beaches. However, our Italian genes did NOT give us the olive skin they gave to our fathers.

Yet, even though it wasn't what I expected, I'm happy. I had known my companion for a good two years before we ended up together and liked him then. He balances me out in so many ways. For example, while I'm pretty fiery and explosive, he is calm and gentle. While my emotions are tied to my work and my politics, he can detach more easily to analyze situations. While I critique some aspects of my faith, he reminds me why I love it in the first place. We have similar goals and are happy with settling down in the city we love. We love each other, as well as each other's families and friends. The thought of spending my life with him doesn't scare me like marriage did even just last year. Rather, it comforts me.

No longer will it be only my life, but his as well. As such, we will now discuss our adventures on our mutual blog. Check us out at Urban Catholic and follow us to the ends of the earth!

"Are You Two Living Together?"

2011-08-24T04:46:00.001-07:00

That's a question that's come up pretty frequently. When you're in a serious relationship and thinking about the future, it seems like the natural next step in society. Of course, my companion and I are not. Personally, we're both pretty traditional about that and have decided we can't until marriage. Now, if it was a month beforehand and someone was going to be homeless, the other person would obviously make allowances but no, we're not going to. For this year anyway, I live in a small house (with five other people) and he is finishing school while living on-campus and, even if that weren't our situation, we would not live together.

The main thing is, we do want to follow our faith (something we both chose) and honor our commitment to abstain till marriage (yeah, folks, it's doable but insanely hard as is). Living together would make it harder, even if we were sleeping in separate rooms. Just think about it, even if you're not in the same bedroom, it's still just the two of you, seeing each other get out of the shower, in your PJ's, lots of opportunities to snuggle on the couch......come on, if none of that tempts you, you're probably dead. Waiting is already hard and I've come close to falling several times. Why make it harder?

Faith and traditional morals aside, what if, after all that, it didn't end up working? Breaking up is tough for many couples, can you imagine paying money to break the lease, as well as needing to cough up first/last month's rent and a security deposit, as well as a lease fee and an application fee? Not to mention the stress of moving your stuff out. I know moving already stresses me out. I can't imagine this scenario. I've known both married (but obviously separated) and unmarried couples who've gone through this. Not for me.

Also, if I were to live with someone, without making a serious commitment, to me, that would put the idea of, "well, one of us could just leave," in my subconscious. To me, if I am going to move in with someone, share my daily life with him and he with me, there's no turning back. If you're moving in with me, then you better be prepared to stand with me before God, the law, and all of our family and friends and make a commitment that binds you till the day one of us dies. Because, by the point I'm ready to live with you, I've already decided to love you till the day I die.

Twin Reduction/Selective Reduction

2011-08-24T03:57:00.000-07:00

So recently, the NY Times published an article about twin reduction. Of course, with IVF pregnancies, the term "selective reduction" (aborting some babies because there's a lot of them and it would be very high risk to carry them) has been around for awhile. But now, reducing a twin pregnancy to a single pregnancy is becoming a trend. In the article, it mentioned women who remarried later and were hoping for one baby, who didn't want to deal with two teens in their 60's, etc. Something about the article just made my skin crawl.

I'm pro-choice, but in the sense that I think abortion is a necessary evil. I don't like the idea of killing babies, but I also don't want girls cutting themselves up, drinking poisons, or having someone beat them up and cause serious injuries. Also, in cases of rape, incest, mother's health, I think it should be an option. Further, I don't feel it's really my business to tell another woman whether or not she's ready to have a baby.

However, I also don't like the idea that children are commodities and that we can engineer them to be who we want them to be. Aborting a pregnancy because you're really struggling or because something bad happened to you makes sense because you're choosing between two less than ideal situations. Aborting a twin in a healthy pregnancy, where you're otherwise stable, just because you didn't want to deal with extra work sounds callous to me. What will your kid say if you tell them that? It would make sense if their twin was dying but not if their twin was healthy.

For me, it's the same reason aborting babies with Down's Syndrome makes me uncomfortable (since now, more than ever, they have a chance to live happy, healthy, and fulfilled lives). It's the same reason aborting a baby who happens to be a certain gender makes me uncomfortable. Where do we draw the line? Are we going to abort babies who don't look a certain way (which we may be able to know, with increasing technology)? Who don't possess a certain talent? Are we going to turn into Gattaca, where it was looked down on to conceive naturally, for fear it would be genetically inferior?

Of course, some feminists will say, "If you're pro-choice, you have to be for every choice." I don't necessarily agree with that. We're all at different points and there are ways we draw the line. I am pro-choice because I do think there are situations where abortion may be justified and I don't think mothers or doctors should be arrested. However, I think doctors should have ethical guidelines when it comes to anything fertility related. These are babies and potential babies we're talking about. They are not new pairs of shoes, shades of lipstick, or cute handbags. It's one thing to want to plan your family responsibly and to have to make a difficult choice, because of your finances, health, or any other children you may have. It's quite another to decide that you can't love a particular child because it will interfere with your lifestyle somehow. Parenting is hard work, whether single babies or twins, special needs or not (barring ones where pregnancy could pose a huge threat to both mom and baby), boys or girls. If you're not up to it for one, you're not up to it at all.

Oy, veh.........I know I should read the news, but I really don't want to

2011-08-07T08:47:00.000-07:00

The only thing so far that has made me smile in the news was reading about how Health and Human Services has finally made gains for women's health, by mandating that insurance companies must cover birth control, breast pumps, counseling for domestic violence, prenatal care, and cancer screenings. Finally! You want us all to be mommies? Make it affordable. I think our peeps are starting to understand that.

In other news.......we're losing our standing which is a bit frightening. Does that mean it's going to be harder for me to find a job? Even though I have a college degree, make it a point to learn languages, and have some programming skills, as well as experience domestically and internationally? Is it going to be hard for my companion to find a job? I know we've got a buffer year, between my year of volunteer service and his last year of college. At the same time, we do have the future to think about.

It angers me that politicians put their own agendas ahead of the needs of their constituents. Their chutzpah (a word some of them can't even say) with regard to "family values" infuriates me. Not only does it bother me that they're willing to discriminate against good friends of mine, it bothers me that the policies they support create immense obstacles for me to start my own. and to plan it responsibly. It bothers me that I hear all this rhetoric of "support the troops" yet, when we were on the verge of default, they didn't seem concerned with the fact that our men and women in dangerous places might not even see a paycheck. It bothers me that none of the "tough on crime" rhetoric seems compatible with preventing crime by strengthening our schools and providing employment. Further, cheap shots at preventative health care, provisions for our elderly, and volunteer programs that provide young people with skills, work, and passion for their communities just make me wonder where their civic commitment is.

Don't even get me started on their claiming Christianity. I don't like the idea of denying anyone Holy Communion but, if you're gonna deny it to somebody, choose these dudes.

Faith and the rest of the world

2011-08-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

Today, I received an interesting comment about my faith. I was at my previous job, meeting a coworker today and another coworker had seen the stack of books in my hand. One of them was Karen Armstrong's book The Bible. As soon as my other coworker had examined the books I was carrying, she gave me the following,

"Wow, you must really trust this lady to interpret the Bible for you."

Then, she followed up with how she's never read the Bible.

I'll admit, I became defensive and responded by saying that I'm perfectly capable of reading and interpreting the Bible myself. However, looking back, I have to smile a bit. Here she was, assuming that I must rely on others' Biblical interpretations without coming up with my own, yet admitting ignorance. Of course, I should have asked her, why is this a mark of pride? In a nation and world of intense religious debate, not to mention a plethora of religious influence (in governmental policies, rock music, attitudes about morality and social justice), doesn't that mark you as slightly unprepared? Further, in an age where people need evidence for everything and place a high value on education, why would ignorance of any kind be a good thing? Also, how can you even formulate an opinion if you choose to be ignorant?

Of course, with all of this in mind, I will admit that most of us people of faith will rely on another's interpretation of our scriptures to some degree. Why else do we accept the way our religious services run or embrace certain morals and customs? At the same time, this does not excuse anyone for ignorance. Most religions encourage study and meditation of their holy works and there is plenty of room for interpretation. Our interpretations allow us to discern and make decisions about our lives. We may consult a cleric for questions and advice, yet we have to decide how we can best live in light of our faith. We keep other opinions in mind, but we have to sort through all of them in order to formulate our own.

Sadly, we live in a world where having faith is akin to being at best, an uneducated peon and at worst, an intolerant warmonger. Most religions are meant to be positive forces of change in the world. However, it takes education, skill, confidence, and good will, in order to make that change, regardless of what you choose to believe. Having faith is not the problem. Malevolence, apathy, and willful ignorance are. It's sad that people feel that they can accomplish so much with that very last one.

Thank You, Planned Parenthood!

2011-07-29T11:18:00.001-07:00

Over the years, my thoughts about Planned Parenthood have been very conflicted. I always felt uneasy with even the slightest association with abortion, even if they otherwise do great work (sex ed, parenting and adoption referrals, GLBT issues, etc). Of course, after realizing that I am pro-choice, my feelings started to change. I realized that, even if I myself do not agree with abortion, I do like that many of their efforts are bent on reducing abortions. However, they did one great thing for me today. They made me realize it IS possible to adhere to my faith's birth control teachings.

Most people know that Catholics are not allowed artificial contraceptives. Of course, whether this is an outright ban or guidelines is up for debate. However, Catholics are encouraged to use Natural Family Planning to prevent pregnancy. NFP or Fertility Awareness Methods as they are sometimes called, involves closely and diligently tracking your menstrual cycle, to figure out when you are likely to ovulate. Now, women only ovulate a couple days each month, however, sperm can live in a woman's body for five days, so that means a week of not having sex. There are many different methods of tracking fertility, from taking your temperature, charting your cycle on a calendar, or checking fluids for differences. This is OK. However, typical use rates being 75% effective, noting that a lot of the sources I heard from were theologians, and knowing people who use it who have five or more kids didn't inspire a vote of confidence in me.

Yet, when I was reading Planned Parenthood's information, they noted that the effectiveness of Fertility Awareness is dependent on some factors. One, yes, your cycle needs to be regular. Two, it's better if you use multiple methods (taking your temp AND checking fluids AND charting on a calendar) but that also requires an extreme amount of diligence and cooperation from both partners (it helps if you're also monogamous :)). Three, the low effectiveness rate is due to lack of diligence more than anything and, if a combination of methods is used, effectiveness can be up to 99.6% (Phew!!!!). Four, things like breastfeeding can change your ability to read signs but at the same time, exclusive nursing for six months actually helps suppress fertility. Five, you have to be either disciplined enough to abstain for about ten days a month or be OK with using barrier methods (condoms, cervical caps, diaphragms, etc). Six, to actually learn these methods, both partners should take a class. All of this information can be found here.

I cannot tell you how relieved this made me. It's one thing to read from Catholic sources but they do have to say that. To hear this from doctors and professionals who are committed to affirming all women's choices gives me a huge vote of confidence. I had been a fan of it before but I at least wanted to use barriers as a back up. Of course, that choice is still up to me (hey, we do have a conscience clause, right?) but to know that I can use it and it can work by itself, so long as I'm diligent and committed helps me a lot. Obviously, I'd have to be extremely committed and my partner would have to be, but it's nice to know that I can prevent pregnancy and follow my faith's tenets at the same time.

It does bother me that many Catholics have so much animosity towards PP. They are not the type to simply push abortions and pills on women. They also encourage abstinence, obviously have information on NFP/FAM (and even recommend couples go to Catholic hospitals and churches to learn it), have information on body image and actually do help women who choose to raise kids or place them for adoption. Yes, like other organizations and institutions, they have their failings and coverups (which they do rectify) but, as Catholics, I'd like to think we'd understand something about that.

So, thanks again, Planned Parenthood! Thanks for affirming everyone's right to choose. And thanks for making it easier for me to be Catholic!

Don't wait for life to start

2011-07-14T11:15:00.001-07:00

So, I have most of the summer to myself. My job has hired so many people, no one can be full time. Most of my friends have "real jobs" and are quite tired at the end of the day. My boyfriend works more hours than I do and, while he's certainly important, I cannot and should not make him my entertainer. Really, apart from looking at housing and some work days, I don't have that much to do. So, what do I do?

Well, I first try and clean up my space. I've found that I'm much more disciplined when my bed is made, my clothes are clean, and everything is in its place. Also, as one roommate is on vacation and the other has just obtained full time employment, it only makes sense that I would tackle most of the cleaning. While I struggled with organization my entire life, I've gotten over the stage of, "It's my place and my parents aren't here to tell me to clean!" I'm not so fond of not being able to find things when I need them. So, I try and pick up my space and maybe wipe down the counters, the bathroom sink, that sort of thing.

I also work out every day. No exceptions. If I'm going to work with kids all year, I should be in shape. I have my P90X kit, along with weight resistance bands, a mat, and a pull up bar, so I simply do a different workout each day. I find it helps me have more energy, better posture and increased confidence. It also helps that I've been eating better. While I am pretty young, I don't want to count on a fast metabolism forever. I also want to be healthy and I like being active. Even when it's too hot, nothing stops me from working out in my air-conditioned apartment.

In addition, I try to work on my music and writing. I always loved to sing and I find that singing is how I pray. While I can't afford to take lessons right now, nothing is stopping me from singing a few songs every day or joining my church choir. In addition, why not take out my guitar and play a few songs or work out of my lesson book? No, I'm not going to be the next big pop star, but it's something I love and something I end up using, so I might as well practice. In addition, why not blog or write my thoughts or stories? It keeps my brain active and helps me clear my mind a bit.

I also take opportunities to make extra cash. Next week, I'm filling in for someone at a friend's company while she's on vacation. It gives me the opportunity to do something constructive, meet people, and make some much needed money. I'll have something to do with my time and I'll be able to pay for a security deposit and a much needed haircut.

I've been finding opportunities to get involved with my church as well. I mentioned choir but they also have Bible studies, service events, and pizza nights. As I won't be doing everything and the kitchen sink next year, I'll have time to actually be a parishioner and not simply a semi-regular Mass attendee (I do attend every Sunday, just not at the same church due to scheduling). My boyfriend has also started attending with me and now it's something we do together. Now that I have the time, why not start getting to know my community?

Waiting for my life to start is a waste of time. If I'm sick of having nothing to do, I listen to my mom's words of the past and find something to do. In fact, I've been able to enjoy some of this quiet time. Not only have I been able to plan and to become more disciplined, I find it restful. I can only imagine I'll pray for this kind of time as soon as my year starts. In the meantime, I'll do all of the above and enjoy it.

More young people working multiple jobs........Yes, we're educated too

2011-06-28T03:46:00.001-07:00

When we youth complain about our lot in life, the older adults are quick to remind us how "easy" we have it, how they sacrificed to give us a better life, and how we just have to work harder. What these adults don't often realize is that, no, we don't have it easier. In fact, we have it much harder. We have to deal with huge government debts and a swath of problems overseas (caused by these generations of older adults) that we never had to deal with in the past. Now, in this economy, we have to work multiple jobs to survive. According to this article, more of us college graduates are taking multiple part time jobs. Not because we're actors who need the days for auditions, not because we want to live outside of the typical workweek, it's because now, we have to.

Guess what? When we were in high school, applying for colleges, doing sports, music, and community service to have that "well-rounded" application, no one ever imagined this as our lot. While I do believe in the value of a college education (both for the mind and the paycheck in the long run), it is amazing to me that adults in our lives sold us onto college with the idea of making money. Luckily, my parents didn't emphasize that (they just wanted us to be educated), but the parents of so many others did. Further, our teachers would in those "career clusters" we had to participate in. As long as you studied hard, you could make something of yourself.

They didn't tell us it was now more about networking. They didn't tell us that we may have to either afford to work at multiple full-time unpaid internships or do said internship and work at a part time job on top of it to pay the bills. Of course, for the latter, even if you swing the job, you still have to move to a major metropolitan area if you're not already in one. They talk, talk, talk about the importance of a budget, of the need to put money away for retirement, without realizing that there is no retirement. There are no savings, period. Many of us give up our weekends and hopes for vacations so that we can afford our rent. For many of us, moving back home is not an option (nothing in my field back home). What about grad school? I want an MBA-something that requires work experience and something I've been told to let someone else (an employer) pay for. Further, many of my friends who went to grad school or law school suffer even more, due to the increasing amount of debt and the dangers of specialization (study what you want, by any means, but don't pigeonhole yourself too much).

I know I have an opportunity for next year, something I've been very fortunate to have. However, I see the situation of several friends, who either intern (paid) full-time and still have to wait tables, who have applied to nearly 100 places with no interview and no, they won't allow you to follow up anymore, who went to law school and graduated at the top of their game with good internships only to find that no one was hiring lawyers anymore. I have friends who nailed that entry-level job only to find that it doesn't pay quite enough to live and they still need the college job on the weekends (sales associate, restaurant server) in order to even hope for anything extra. Even though they have enough, the economy takes a toll in a different way, the toll of little rest and relaxation.

People bemoan the destruction of values, of families. For many of us, values are important but survival comes first. As for families, we're told we should be independent of our families of origin and, even if we wanted to start our own, we're too poor and too unstable to do so. Trust me, God willing my own relationship survives a couple of years, I'd gladly marry my boyfriend and I always wanted to have my kids young. However, a lot of that depends on our ability to draw a steady paycheck. Everyone says the American dream is to give your kids better than what you had. Well, until I can attain something leading to that, I will not partake. Besides, a kid needs parents who are present, not parents who are working four jobs each to survive.

Feminists-Not All One Type

2011-06-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

People like to portray feminists as evil. We apparently hate men, hate children, hate our own womanhood, try to be men, destroy families, despise religion (yet, we're also all Wiccans, apparently), and mock any woman who conforms to traditional ideals of femininity. Every feminist apparently worships abortion as a sacrament and seeks to castrate every man on site. Well, as a feminist, a practicing Catholic, and in a loving, respectful, EQUAL relationship with my MALE partner, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong.

First, we have crazies in every bunch so you may see those types of women (however, Wiccans are excluded from the "crazies" part, but that's another post). At the same time, my qualifiers for feminism include the following: do you believe women should have the right to vote and to participate politically? Do you believe women should be paid equally for the same work, for the same quality of work, as well as have opportunities for promotion? Do you think women deserve to be protected legally from crimes such as rape and violence, regardless of her choice of wardrobe or whether or not she's sexually "pure"? Bottom line, do you think women should have the right to make their own choices? If you answered yes, you're a feminist.

What does that mean? It means we come in different shapes and sizes. Some of us come from traditional religious backgrounds and still observe these traditions (hello :)), while it doesn't work for others. Some of us belong to the LGBTQ community while others identify as heterosexual (and sometimes, that changes). Some feminists are MEN (my boyfriend is one:)). Some of us love shopping, fashion, and beauty, others could care less, others are middle of the road. Some vote Democrat, others Republican. Even if we respect a woman's right to choose, many of us have our own feelings about abortion (personally, I'm against it, I just don't want to see women die here, like they do in Kenya). Some of us wait till marriage to have sex, others don't. Some are stay at home moms (whether by choice or circumstance), others have careers. Indeed, some of us are stay at home DADS, and some are not. Some of us are parents, period, others are not. Some are young people, hoping to change the world, others are seasoned veterans. Some of us have backgrounds of military service, while others refuse to partake.

You can't always tell someone's ideology simply by looking. We may appear to you in power suits, summer dresses, jeans and a T-shirt, or our workout wear. Some of us may appear to you in clerical garb and religious habits, or with yarmulkes, hijabs (and other variations of Muslim dress), bindis, and other markers of distinct religious/cultural background. We may appear as your managers, your students, your parents, your politicians, your teachers, your scientists, your waiters, your musicians, or a mix of everything. We may talk about things like sports, the weather

18-year-olds make me feel old....

2011-06-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

I was at my restaurant job yesterday, rolling silverware with the other servers. Most of them were just turning eighteen, off to college and spending their summer working and hanging out with their friends. They were talking about their high school friends, previous travel experiences they took to beef up their college applications, and their adventures with fake ID's. It happens every summer. Each new crop of kids, some of whom used to be seating hosts, is now old enough to become a server and earn the accompanying pile 'o cash they can now spend for fun (those days seem forever ago to me). Old enough to know they're legal adults but young enough to still be protected by their parents, they live in a paradox of youthful arrogance and equally youthful naivete. I should know, I was there at one point (though I never had a fake....).

For the first time, however, I felt old. Not old as in, "My youth is done!" but old as in, that feels so far away from me. While they're thinking of summer parties and saying goodbye to friends and high school sweethearts, I'm looking for a new apartment and planning a budget on a stipend. While they are fretting over majors and focusing more on the social aspect of college, I'm contemplating career moves and grad school. While they can shop simply because they have the extra money, I'm making grocery lists and planning trips to Target to organize my space. While they can't wait to leave their parents, I miss mine. While they've been attending friends' Sweet Sixteens, I've been attending weddings. While they revel in the status of legal adulthood, I'm living an adult's life.

It's amazing to think that a human being can change so much in what seems to be so little. Four years ago, I was like them. I myself could not wait to get out of my small town (best decision I made after become Catholic and going to Kenya). I myself was so sure of things, whether of my dreams to be a doctor or of my high school sweetheart. While I did think of the future, my life was more about school clubs and friends. Of course, that all changed. My dreams changed, my relationship ended, I made new friends, and school clubs started giving way to jobs, internships and travel. I'm in a fairly new relationship now and realizing I made a much better decision this time around. I started living on my own and learned how to deal with banks and leases. While I'm a lot happier in DC, I realized that I do miss my family and coming home to visit is pretty nice. I learned that not making my bed every day just made me feel disorganized and that eating ice cream just because I could was the fastest way to sap my energy and make me need new clothes when I can't afford them. I learned that shit happens and all you can do is clean it yourself, regardless of whether you're the one who left it.

I understand why older adults yearn for that period of youth. You're so sure of yourself, because you do have some innocence, yet you're old enough to have freedom at the same time. For some of these kids, life hasn't complicated things for them yet, not through parental divorce, teen pregnancy, or the death of their friends. You feel the immense power of your youth, protecting you from all evils, feeling sure that nothing will ever happen to you. Yet, while all of this will disappear, it will give way to something greater. A feeling of purpose, a drive to succeed and contribute something worthy, a strength that allows you to pull through the difficulties. Friends who really do have your back, who choose to be loyal to you for no other reason than they simply want to. Maybe, one day, a partner who doesn't care about the loss of your youthful looks but loves you instead for what's inside and vows to stick with you till death do you part. Hopefully, it will give way to a greater capacity to love and to give, a sense of humility about your weaknesses and a sense of confidence about your strength. It is through this growth process that allows young people to become exactly what they wish to be.

That's part of why youth is so amazing. Not because of who you are at that time. It's because it allows you to choose who you will become. That's why we all hope to be forever young.

"Oh, if you just put some makeup on....."

2011-06-26T04:36:00.001-07:00

I am not anti-makeup. On the contrary, I do like the ability to hide my zits and show off my eyes and lips. I see it as somewhat artistic and fun. It also never used to be a female only activity. Men in many cultures would do it to show masculinity and power (btw, same with long hair). What I do hate, however, is the expectation that I must wear makeup to look attractive. Especially when that looking attractive determines important decisions such as, you know, your career and your spouse.

I understand the need to look presentable. Even if you were at a party the night before, you should still show up to work clean, well groomed, and ready to hit the deck. That goes for men and women. For an interview, you should take extra time to take care of your hair, make sure your clothes are pressed and that you coordinate appropriately. For a first date, it's good for each party to spend some extra time on their appearance to make a good first impression. However, the expectation we seem to have for women is that they should appear no less than stunning at all times. Whether we face airbrushed ads selling unrelated objects such as cars or celebrities who can afford to have makeup artists, hairdressers, plastic surgeons and personal trainers live with them, we're given the illusion of competition. Rather than competing with our intelligence, our personalities, and our good will, we're competing with our images.

OK, world, how fucked up is that? We tell our little girls that appearance (so long as you're clean and healthy) doesn't matter, that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up and that they shouldn't focus on boys so much. Yet, when these little girls grow up, we're shameless in our hypocrisy. You "need" makeup and constant change of wardrobe to get that job, that guy (what if you don't even like guys?), to impress people. If you're not one of the few natural stunners, then you especially need makeup to "show off those pretty eyes/smile of yours." If there's one thing that makes me doubt our praise of meritocracy (and there are many), it's this one.

Think of how much money we spend, trying to look good. Think of what that money could have been used for. We could be investing that money. We could be using it to pay for our grad school education, to save for a wedding or a house, give it to good charities, or travel. Think of the time we spend fretting over our looks, time that could be spent reading the news, organizing advocacy events, and finding ways to make a difference in our communities.

Makeup in and of itself is not bad. We like to be creative with our appearance. However, our societal attitude toward it is quite disturbing. And that's just putting it mildly.

Why Scots and Italians are awesome......

2011-06-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

Before I explain, I just want to say that I think all cultures have their own awesome ideas, artwork, proverbs, expressions, and food. I think all have something to contribute and I'm certainly proud of all of my ancestries, from the Scottish Highlanders, to the English, to the Germans, the Austrian Jews, the Florentines, and the Spaniards. Yet, my Scottish and my Italian that I've felt the strongest pull to. To me, they seem to be fiery, stubborn, proud, romantic, valient peoples who may not be the most powerful in the world but still manage to capture hearts. For some reason, that always resonated with me. Thus, my ode to the Gaelic and garlic that run in my veins. Why so awesome? Well.....

Scots and Italians have the sexiest accents in the world. Seriously. All I need to hear is "Bellissima!" or "my lass" and I'm sold.

They also make amazing music. The hairs on my neck stand up at bagpipes (which they BOTH have) and at well sung classical music. Celtic dance and tarantellas tend to awake something powerful within me. While music has the tendency to move me, the music of my ancestors will forever be special.

We GAVE fashion to the world. Like plaid? You might be wearing a clan's tartan! Boots and handbags? Italians own the world with those!

Good drinks. This particular contribution is why neither Italian nor Scottish Christians feel bad about drinking. If anything, we believe God gave it to us. Like any gift of God, it should be treated with respect, but we can enjoy in moderation. This crosses denominational lines.

We're very tied to our families and communities and we protect our own. That's why it's important for an Italian to know his region and a Scot his clan. With regions come certain foods, flags and dialects. With clans come tunes, tartans and mottos, as well as other benefits (seriously, in America, they'll give you scholarships).

For the Christians, we give the best in Christian theology. The Spanish, Irish and Germans may have a hold on this one as well, but Scotland and Italy are EXTREMELY respected places to study theology. Of course, Italy for Catholicism, Scotland for Protestantism (particularly Calvinism).

Poetry. Who doesn't know Dante or Burns? Oh yeah, and they're both romantic :D

Thistles and sunflowers :D

Interesting cuisines. Haggis, anyone? How about rabbit? Squid?

Due to every conquest in the world, as well as immigration waves and the need to create strong offspring, we can look like just about anyone. In either nation, you'll find beautiful blue eyed, light haired people, as well as beautiful dark haired, dark eyed people of every possible ethnic combination. And we can still call ourselves Scots and Italians.

We don't need to be nation-states to prove ourselves :D

This is a small list of why I am proud of these two nations that compose a part of my heritage.

When bullying becomes dangerous

2011-06-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

One of my childhood friends called me a few days ago. I was out, so I asked if I could call her back. She said yes. Later that night, when I got home, I checked my Facebook (as I usually do) and saw that she sent me a message. Her message included a link to news of a court case. From the first couple of lines, I knew it was about a dear friend of hers who committed suicide four years ago. Apparently, the boy was tormented by bullies to the extreme. While teachers had witnessed the event, my friend said that they would simply ask the bullies to calm down. The bullies were respected athletes and the teachers apparently cared more for their reputation than the boy's right to feel safe in a learning environment. Unfortunately, the judge declared that the school had no "special relationship" with the students and that they did not have responsibility in the death of this particular student. In response, my friend has written a petition to the U.S. Secretary of Education, stating a need to clarify teachers' roles in demanding accountability for bullies and making students feel safe. Here is the link to the petition as well as the link to the court case.

This all occurred in my friend's hometown, which unfortunately has a reputation for teen suicides. The reasons for these suicides involve excessive bullying. While I don't know all of the details for each individual student, it seems that there is an extreme lack of oversight into students' interactions. My friend is the daughter of a teacher (one who taught in that area) and is studying to become a teacher herself. Through her studies and her discussions with her mother, she has found that teachers must serve as "first responders" to crisis. While the teachers themselves may not have control of what students do at home, they do have the ability to intervene when a student faces intimidation or harassment. Through this, they have the ability to foster a respectful classroom community. As my friend witnessed, they did not. Due to teachers' authority and responsibility, it is natural that she finds this criminal.

I am asking all of you to please sign my friend's petition. In the U.S., it's obligatory to educate our children, usually by having them attend school 180 days of the year. As such, we expect that our children be safe and that our teachers diffuse any hint of a bad situation. More importantly, we are often taught that education is the great equalizer, the key to allowing others to follow their dreams. Those dreams are in vain if we are simply left with dead children.

So much and yet so little

2011-06-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

My life feels like I'm in a doldrum zone right now. Between the excitement of my college graduation, Americorps offer, and first serious relationship, my last semester was an intense wave of excitement. Before me lies an intense year with Americorps, one that I am sure will challenge me. Right now? Aside from waiting tables, seeing the boyfriend, filling out paperwork, looking for roommates and housing and reading Margaret Atwood novels (courtesy of a roommaate), my life isn't that exciting.

In a way, it is refreshing. I need time and space to breath. I have time to get in shape, to finally restring my guitar properly and play it, to spend time with friends, develop my relationship with my boyfriend, and to make some cash (very little extra). I need time to process the past few months and prepare for the next. Most importantly, I need time to do what I want to do. This fall, I'll be working ten hour days. I'll likely get home around 7, which leaves time to work out, eat dinner, prepare my clothes and lunch for the following day, and get ready for bed (hopefully, some nights I can see the boy). Weekends, I'll want to do my errands, see boy and friends and go to church. I get five days per semester to take sick leave or vacation.

Just writing all that made me feel tired. I'll admit, a part of me wonders if I'm truly cut out for this. I know that, despite my propensity toward stress, I thrive in the midst of chaos. Whether I was working nearly full time while taking upper level classes or studying while working in poor parts of Kenya and braving a four hour commute every day, I ended up succeeding. I want to do this work, I want to see where it leads me, I do want to have this experience. However, like before every big change, I'll admit to feeling nervous.

Why intimate relationships matter

2011-06-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

While I do not agree at all with most of those politicians who say they promote family values, I see validity in one of their points. The family is the backbone of society and how we treat and value families is a reflection of what we want our society to look like. For this reason, I tend to focus more on intimate relationships in my blog posts.

Think about it. How you treat your partner and how you expect them to treat you is a reflection of what kind of society you want to live in. Do you want a society directed toward complete equality? Or are you more of a fan of equity (equal in worth and dignity but geared toward different roles)? What kind of family would you like to raise? What kind of community would you like to live in and help shape?

I find this true in my own life. I want a society that values women's place at work as much as at home and shows this through measures such as equal pay, maternity leave, and public support for breastfeeding. I want a society that values men's place in the home as much as at work and encourages this through measures like paternity leave and public support for fathers who choose to spend more time with their kids. I want a society that doesn't simply uphold suburban living as a method of raising good kids but upholds all types of communities, whether they be rural, urban, or suburban. I want a society that encourages community, whether or not it is comprised of a large extended family or simply like-minded folks who strive to help each other. I want a society that truly values families and supports this through supporting quality education, benefits for working poor families, and adequate leisure time for families to enjoy each other. So, why would I not expect this all from my partner?

Maybe I want to live in an urban setting. Maybe I want a good job that allows me to not only survive but to put money aside for things like vacations, my kids' college, etc. Maybe I want to only have two or three kids and focus my resources on raising them well, with opportunities I wasn't able to have growing up and that my parents could only imagine. Maybe I want my girls to see that they have potential and my boys to learn that girls are just as worthy of respect. Maybe I want a man in my life who respects me, who doesn't dismiss certain work as "women's work," and who understands that I will carry the full burden of pregnancy and breastfeeding, even if we split up other acts of child rearing fairly. Maybe I want a man who doesn't care if I make more money than he does and puts more emphasis on his character than on his dick. (Luckily enough, I'm currently with a kind, compassionate, pro-gender equality guy, but I don't want to say anything too soon if ya'll get my drift).

Personal is always political. My personal choices in life are a reflection of my worldview and my worldview is a reflection of my choices. Thus, I do think we need to consider the way we form and treat our own families as an extension of our politics. Families form society. If we want to change things, this is where we start.

Transition

2011-06-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

I never really considered the aspect of transition from college. I've been paying my own rent for two years now, so that's not new to me. I won't have a "real job" for about a year, depending on what else comes up (companion and I are considering a stint abroad but we'll see). I still feel like I'm enjoying a college summer, due to the fact that I'm still a waitress and, when I'm not working, I'm either hanging out at my place, or enjoying time with my friends and boyfriend. As for my friends having "real lives," a good portion of my friends are considerably older and I've been attending weddings and greeting their new babies for quite some time now. However, I've been feeling the transition nonetheless.

Some of it comes from the fact that, when I obtain my lease for the coming year, I will probably not have college roommates. I will also no longer be tied to living near school. I can live downtown, in areas with good neighborhoods and affordable pricing, near metro stations that will likely take me to work. While my companion and others will still have papers and class schedules, I will be working from morning till evening and have a consistent schedule (for once). Appearance will take a greater priority as I'll have a uniform and be expected to look professional and well groomed at all times (not quite the same as a restaurant uniform). My conduct, which has always mattered to me, will matter even more (dear self, please wash your mouth out with soap.......several times).

I will not be purchasing textbooks this fall. Instead, I've been trying to add some adult pieces of clothing to my wardrobe, with the understanding that dress matters if others will take me seriously. I also need to accommodate for hips I seem to have sprouted overnight. I also have decided to take driving lessons, now that I can change my permanent address, and finally obtain my driver's license.

Christians and Tattoos: Compatible?

2011-06-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

For years, I've been playing with the idea of a tattoo. For awhile, I had settled on a red fleur-de-lys, a symbol of both Scotland and Florence (two parts of my ancestry). However, due to the fact that they are both different, I changed my mind and decided on a thistle and a sunflower intertwined. Though I am composed of the blood of about five to six nations, I identify heavily with both my Italian and Scottish ancestry just because they seem to sum up my personality. Fiery, passionate, fierce, hungry for adventure, willing to eat many interesting things (haggis and rabbit, anyone?), lovely music (including bagpipes in BOTH nations), and an appreciation for sexy accents, as well as a healthy dose of stubborn, stubborn, stubborn, it's no wonder that I identify with it and would like to honor my ancestors with some ink in my skin. Of course, Catholic girl that I am, I often hear from Christians who wonder if tattoos are acceptable. Should a good Christian girl participate? Let's see.

Critics draw from a verse in the Old Testament that states, "Do not put tattoo marks on yourself...I am the LORD" (Leviticus 19:28 paraphrase). However, while it's easy to take this as a command from God, Leviticus commands many things, such as not to eat pork, not to wear two different fabrics, not to raise two crops on one area and that women were unclean during menstruation. Most Christians today would not bar a menstruating woman from participation during worship, think twice before putting on that cotton-polyester blend shirt, or eschew bacon and some of us environmentalists find that polyculture is much better for the environment.

How did we come to turn our backs on these rules? While Jesus and the apostles were observant Jews, they also expected His message of justice, mercy, and peace to spread to all peoples. Jesus kept the Law in His life but also made statements about how people's actions made them clean or unclean, not necessarily their food choice or their customs. St. Paul took this further by stating that works of the Law do not save people because, if they did, Jesus would not have had to die on a cross for humanity. Thus, it was not necessary for converts to Christianity to essentially become Jewish as well (probably a good thing for adult male converts ;-)). While we honor the place the Law had in our history, we also understand that it was meant for a time when cultural cohesion was literally a life or death situation. Christianity, however, was meant to be universal while the Law was meant for one people.

As a Catholic, this means I can get a tattoo provided that it does not send an anti-Christian message, it doesn't involve poor stewardship of my resources (such as my bank account) and, if I were a minor child, did not involve disobeying my parents. At the same time, I think having tattoos can be positive for a Christian. It shows that Christians are comprised of different peoples, from different backgrounds, cultures, points of view and styles. I can have a tattoo and be a good Christian, just like I can drink responsibly, date, live on my own, hold a politically progressive stance, go to a secular college, play rock music and wear jeans and still be a good Christian. Christianity is not a question of how I look. It's a question of how I live. As long as I work to uphold my principles, I don't think God really cares about the ink in my skin.

Plus, I'm honoring ancestries that produced some of the best in Christian theology, both Catholic and Protestant! So, it can only be a Christian tattoo :)

Not stuck in a role

2011-06-19T07:15:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I was so reluctant to even consider a relationship for a long time was due to the fact that people kept reminding me of "women's roles." I'd hear it from the more traditional crowd who believed women should marry young, have their kids, and let their husband provide. I'd hear it from the liberal crowd who'd say, "Screw it, have your life, your travel and your fun before you settle into that." Of course, my main question was, why can't I have both?

Obviously, marriage and children require sacrifices, sacrifices I can't think of making till I have a steady source of income. Hence, God willing this goes well, I'm putting such a huge decision off for a good couple of years. This will allow me to make sure I'm making a good decision, give me time to really see my companion for who he is and vice versa, and give us time to get on our feet and do things we want to do, like travel. Even if we decide in two or three years that it is something we want, engagement lasts six months to a year in the Catholic Church and, far from simply planning a wedding, it's a time of greater discernment, to ensure that you're making the right choice. My faith doesn't approve of divorce, thus our leaders aren't really big fans of shotgun weddings anymore (which is probably why the American Church is giving so many annulments--to correct for past mistakes).

At the same time, these sacrifices don't have to require either party to fit into gender roles. I made it clear from the beginning that I would never date a man who didn't believe in gender equity. That means, he couldn't assume I'd automatically stay home with the kids, should support me in my career goals as well as other aspects, had to believe women deserved equal pay and had a place in political office, and could not turn up his nose at the idea of a father having a more flexible career (sometimes, you would not believe how hard this is to find in devout Catholic circles). This doesn't mean I never stay at home, as that could depend on whose career is more lucrative vs. whose is more flexible. Yet I have options that my mother probably would not have had. I could work at home. One of us could go part time. Offices are becoming more amenable to things like paid maternity leave and day care (especially for the types of things I'm interested in). Work places are becoming more friendly to breastfeeding moms and to fathers who want to take an active role in their children's lives (whether going home to see a sick child or to take time to attend school plays, sports games, and music performances). I know women who have traveling careers and still have minor children at home. I know Catholic and other Christian couples who have made these choices.

Finally, if anything, I've learned you can never plan surprises. I have liberal friends who declared they would not marry till their mid-thirties, when they had good careers

Thoughts on Careers

2011-06-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend and coworker of mine the other day. She had started school majoring in International Studies, switched to Environmental Studies, but things happened and she took a break that resulted in her working at the restaurant. Now, a few years later, after working full time and taking classes off and on, she has made the decision to go back to school in her home state and be a nurse. It incorporates many of her interests, will give her an interesting and rewarding career, and put money in her bank account. As she was telling me this, I couldn't help but think.

A lot of us idealists end up majoring in the humanities and social sciences. These are good and worthy pursuits but there are some practical ways to make the world a better place. Health care, engineering, business are some I can think of. The issue is that we seem to be scared off by these, whether due to math or science or due to our feelings about corporations. I'll admit, I've struggled with these feelings myself, having burned out of a pre-med program my freshman year and taking environmental and development courses that, for awhile, soured my view on corporations.

A couple things happened. One, I realized that, despite my burnout, I do have an aptitude for both math and science. I may have to spend more time to truly get something but that's different from not having talent at all. Two, I had a roommate who was a business major and felt I learned a lot from her perspective. Three, the internships I had focused on the need for people in poverty to become financially stable and independent. Four, I am fascinated with finance myself, especially since I've had to learn much in the way of personal finance. Five, depending on who you work for, business school could actually be free. And finally, I'll admit, I want a job that allows me to travel and make a good salary. I do intend to have a family some day and, well, I'm a city chick. Cities are expensive. I tend to go for guys who are into the humanities. You do the math.

In addition, there are a lot of good things I can do in the world of business. I can encourage partnerships between corporations, small businesses, non-profits, and communities. I can aid people in starting small businesses, do work in extending financial literacy education, and help with sustainable practice that respects workers and the environment. I could help market low cost, low tech products that pull people out of poverty (low tech products that allow for higher yields of agriculture, for example). I could aid people in getting access to capital. There are actually quite a few possibilities here.

I'm obviously not jumping the gun yet. However, it does give me an interesting perspective about what I could do with my career. One can still do good things for society, practical things that are needed just as much, while making a good salary. I also want some skills. I need to be able to do something besides write well academically. Speaking languages helps, but I want a skill I can give. And, while money isn't everything, it is nice. Considering I want to pay off my loans, travel the world, live in a city, and, yes, have a family, money is actually very nice.

Our country really is barbaric........

2011-06-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the average age of entry into prostitution was 13?

Did you know that, in the U.S., a child can be convicted of prostitution before they're of age to consent to sex?

Did you know that most prostitution in the U.S. is not simply that of an independent worker making a business deal, but resembles more of a domestic violence relationship?

Did you know a foreign victim of human trafficking gets more assistance than an American one?

I did. However, I just saw a documentary called Very Young Girls (find it on Netflix) which was told from the perspective of women who've lived "the life." Even the founder of GEMS, an organization that works heavily with these women, was originally a child prostitute. As someone who majored in International Relations and studied both human rights and youth rights (and who also has friends heavily involved in human trafficking issues), I was aware of the facts. It was quite different to hear about someone's experiences, about how someone

Should the guy always pay?

2011-06-14T11:11:00.001-07:00

I run into this question a lot, especially in conservative, Catholic circles. Within these groups, people are more likely to embrace the model of man as provider, woman as nurturer. Thus, they'll hold guys to the standard of always paying. They consider it a means of courtesy and hold the idea that women should just accept it, regardless of either of their financial situations. Some of my guy friends, just friends, will always pay for a girl simply because that's how they were brought up (this one transcends faith, since one of my guy friends who does this is culturally Jewish). Naturally, if someone insists on doing something nice (provided they don't consider themselves entitled to anything else), the polite thing to do is accept it. However, what do I really think of this idea?

As many know, my conservative beliefs restrict themselves to my personal (not political) beliefs on sexuality. Outside of that, I think women and men can do just about anything and I find that traditional norms constrict us to a mode that may have worked in, well, 19th century England. However, these norms do not work in my relationship. We both entered with a mindset of mutual giving and a general belief in the equality of the sexes. Therefore, if I expect to be treated as his equal, that means I also invest in this relationship both emotionally and financially. It's also my way of doing something for him. We don't go out obsessively but we do like treating one another to dinner, a play, a movie. It's a nice gesture. It doesn't mean I damage his ego or insult his masculinity. In fact, he appreciates it and is just as willing to pick up the tab when it's his turn. If anything, it makes the burden equal and easier to manage.

I don't expect this for the same reason I don't expect, nor want, an engagement ring. To me, they are symbols of a period when women had little say in their station in life, when my father had more of a say in my choice of spouse, when my husband controlled my money, and when I would have been expected to "lay back and think of England" (how about Tuscany, instead?). I don't want a bodyguard/ATM, I want a partner, a companion, someone who takes life's journey alongside me. Someone who supports me in becoming all that I am and encourages a level of independence, simply because it benefits us. I want someone who supports me in having a career that genuinely excites and interests me and allows all of that to spill into our personal life. After all, if he loves me, does he really give a damn who makes more money? Or who pays? Considering that we've talked about this from day one, the answer is a resounding NO.

As I mentioned, I do have friends who pay for every girl, friend or not and insist, even when I offer to pick up the tab or at least pay my share. Naturally, my response is nothing other than a "thank you" because that's the only polite response. Also, in a relationship, if one of you is making bank and the other is living on peanuts, it's only fair that the person who makes more picks up the tab every time. Of course, if the guy-always-paying mode works for you, go ahead. However, there is no one-size-fits-all rule for relationships. People are different and relationships are different. Thus, the way we handle those relationships should be different as well.

Older adults, these are different times!!!

2011-06-13T08:55:00.000-07:00

I often hear about how lazy and entitled my generation is. We grew up with access to technology and opportunities our parents didn't have

Land of the Free is now Land of the Wage Slaves

2011-06-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

My friends shared this link on Facebook. It's called the "5 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Poor" and talks about things such as pay day loans, overdraft charges, and the prevalence of low paying service jobs with little chance for advancement. Of course, the economy has brought things into harsh perspective. However, as a recent college graduate who's been paying her rent the last two years, it hits a bit close to home.

You see, I've had to pay those outrageous overdraft fees. I have a hard time getting an apartment due to my low credit history and the unpredictability of a restaurant job (waiters rely on tips), despite the fact that my rent has been paid, on time, every month from my first summer sublet. I always need a guarantor, whether it's my father or someone else's parents to even get approved. I had a hard time getting a student credit card due to lack of credit history, even though I needed the damn thing to build credit history (and it would have helped immensely when I was stuck in London and had no money because of debit card fraud). My friends, who all have college degrees, multiple internships, language skills and significant experience overseas, are waiting tables to survive and interning unpaid (AGAIN) with the hopes of finding some kind of full time employment within their field. Other friends have had to make do with temp jobs and constantly have to be on the search. Still, others find themselves waiting tables on the weekends, in addition to full time work, due to fear of finances/getting fired the first three months.

America, are we land of the free? Or land of the wage slaves?

It's frustrating to hear people tell me to tough it out, that I'll just have to work seven days a week a little while longer.......Excuse me? SEVEN???? Wasn't there this little thing in the 10 Commandments called a fucking SABBATH?? To take a day of rest because we are NOT slaves anymore? Haven't I worked enough, writing papers on complicated economic policies while also working 25 (bare minimum) hours a week to pay my bills and send myself to Africa? Or struggling financially one summer because I did a (wonderful) unpaid internship but lost hours in my job and really had to save all my cash? Haven't I busted my ass enough? I worked hard for my degree and my reputation. In addition, my parents worked their asses off to ensure we could have something better than they did. Guess what? I'm probably WORSE off financially with more education. Case in point: my parents were married at 22. Guess who's in absolutely no position to get married, even if she wanted to?

Isn't it just a little unnerving that healthy food costs more than crap food? Or that, for some families, it would cost more money to work or go back to school than to take unemployment (transportation, baby-sitting/child care, work clothes)? Or that a good college education has become more dependent on who can pay rather than who's more capable of doing the work? Isn't it a little unnerving that contagious sick people are handling your food because their managers won't let them stay home and they can't afford health insurance necessary to get treated or provide a doctor's note? Isn't it sad that Americans spend more time at work than anywhere else, including with their children, their spouses, or doing things that would fulfill them and give to other people (hobbies such as crafts and music serving as gifts, etc)?

Don't our service members give their lives so we can enjoy freedom? Didn't our families sacrifice their homelands and, in some cases, their cultures, so that their grandkids could have something better? Don't women and people of color and other minorities especially continue to fight so that they could enjoy the same freedom, rights and privileges as their straight, white, male, wealthy, able-bodied counterparts?

We were not meant to be slaves. We were meant for freedom.

So, politicians and corporate blowhards, be afraid. When this happened in France, heads literally rolled. While I have no taste for blood, I am starting to understand why.

It's none of your business!

2011-06-11T07:03:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember the Salt 'n' Pepa song, "None of Your Business" (am I dating myself here)? Anyway, for all the young'uns who do not remember the 90's and are doomed to the likes of Ke$ha and Miley Cyrus, the song is about how people cast judgments on someone due to their sex life and how they really shouldn't because, well, read the title. While no one is judging me for one night stands (simply because I just don't have them), I'll admit, it does feel like having a love life, period, makes others feel as if they have a right to comment. Even if their opinion was not requested, even if advice was not sought, people still act as if they have authority over very personal and intimate decisions. Yeah, it bothers me a bit.

To all the singles, the "no-strings-attached" folks, those dating, courting, engaged, married, parents, whatever, no one has the right to tell you what's best for you. Yes, if you're a person of faith, follow your faith. Yes, we all should follow basic legal codes and some kind of moral framework for how to live our lives (which include more than just our romantic lives). Of course, some of us come from cultures where the family and community has a much bigger say in your choice of spouse and in the raising of your children. At the same time, you are the one who makes the final decisions.

Even for those whose morals I do not agree with, I feel the need to defend this choice. After all, it bothers me when people constantly ask about my sex life, knowing full well what my faith teaches and how awkward it is to ask when my companion is close by. Or telling me whether I should or shouldn't think about a wedding day quite yet (can we please get on our feet first and finish some other important things? And, if we are discussing, it's none of your business unless I choose to share that with you). Of course, knowing what my faith teaches about family planning (regardless of the fact that I can use this scientifically proven method that's NOT the Rhythm Method and that actually helps me in other aspects of my health), it really hurts when people make snide comments in my direction. I would NEVER nitpick someone else's sex life, I've always been taught that it was uncouth to do so. Why is it acceptable to do the same to me?

You know, this is why, at the end of the day, I embrace a pro-choice position. How can I tell another woman, another family, what to do with such an intimate and private aspect of their lives when I know I hate it when others do the same to me? How can I tell them that they're wrong and shameful, when they've probably agonized, cried out to God, consulted others, and figured they need to do right by their families? Really, it's none of your business.

World, you have no ownership of my womb, breasts and genitalia. You certainly have no ownership of my heart. I consult with God and, while I follow Church teachings in my own life, it's only after much questioning, study and research, as well as plenty of agonizing (and note that I do not expect the same of everyone, simply because I don't walk in their shoes). Other than that, anything that happens in these very intimate aspects are not your concern unless I specifically ask for advice. If I don't, well, then, it's none of your business!

Difference Between Catholics and Christians?

2011-06-02T05:04:00.000-07:00

Growing up in the NYC area (my definition, at most two hours away), I heard this a lot. Most of the kids I went to school with were either Catholic or Jewish and knew little about their own religions, much less those of other people. As a result, there is a lot of confusion over religions such as Islam or religious branches such as Protestantism. However, I would always be shocked to hear people differentiate between Catholics and Christians. It seemed that, whenever kids would refer to Protestant friends and relatives, they would call them Christians, while Catholic relatives were simply Catholics. As a result, there was a lot of confusion about the two. It doesn't help that some Christian groups don't even count us as Christians. What's the difference? Is there one? Let's find out.

The definition of Christianity I like the most was the one my professor gave in my religion class; that Christianity refers to the theological reflection about the person of Jesus Christ (who he was, what he did, etc, etc, slight paraphrase). Beliefs in Christianity include these next few points. One, Jesus Christ died on a cross to save us, then rose again three days later, promising to vanquish death and sin. Two, God is a triune God, meaning one God in three persons: Creator (father), Savior (Jesus), Holy Spirit. Yes, it's confusing. Most of us don't get it either. Suffice it to say math does not exist in Christian theology. Three, baptism (the act of sprinkling, pouring, or immersing in water, invoking the name of the Trinity) is a necessary act for initiation and possibly salvation (depending on who you talk to). Four overarching commandments include, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself." And finally, for most of us, our major holidays are Christmas (Jesus' birth) and Easter (Jesus' resurrection).

That's a very brief summary, but this includes all branches of Christianity. Now, what about Catholics and Protestants and the rest? They are all branches from the same tree, so to speak. Christianity can actually be divided into three main branches, the Catholics, the Protestants, and the Orthodox. Catholics place an equal weight on the authority of the Bible, the church and oral tradition and we experience God through Sacraments, actions that channel God's grace (baptism, confession, communion, etc), as well as through individual prayer. The Orthodox are actually very similar to Catholics except that we split over beliefs on papal authority (authority of the Pope) and they do have different attitudes about sin and such (sin as crime vs. sin as sickness). Protestants split much later, again over issues of papal authority, issues of corruption, and the desire to make Christianity more accessible to the masses. Note, this is a gross oversimplification of two thousand years of history. I can do more in depth blog posts if peeps are interested.

OK, now, why do some Protestants identify as strictly "Christian" while Catholics are likely to identify as Catholics? I think that has more to do with our history in the U.S. Our nation was and still is mostly Protestant so, whenever people talked about Christians, they were speaking of Protestants. Even today, when you see literature and other products marketed to Christians, they're often using Protestant translations of the Bible and Protestant theology. When Catholics first came here, we weren't considered Christians. Our depictions of the saints and our beliefs about certain rituals (Holy Communion) had other Christians thinking we were gross idolaters. Further, while American Protestants may have had prohibitions actions like consuming alcohol or dancing, Catholics did not (we'd lose all the Irish, Italians, Spaniards, etc;-)). As such, we were seen as immoral. Finally, in my area, people don't really know that much about Protestantism, so it's probably easier for our Protestant friends and family to say that they're Christian, just not Catholic. Why no mention of the Orthodox? There just aren't that many of them, except in areas with huge Greek/Middle Eastern(Christian)/Eastern European Christian populations.

Sorry for the long length! Just thought I should cover this :D

Part 2: Where do you want to go...and why?

2011-06-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

As part of my "So You Want a Career in Travel" series, I decided to include a section on motivation. What drives you to travel? Do you want to simply see the world? See the world and write a book, a la Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame)? Feed hungry kids? Save the environment? Spread the word of God via the Bible/Qur'an/Book of Mormon/any other text of a missionary faith? Sell products? Advocate for human rights? Tackle organized crime (drug trafficking, sex trade, etc)? Join the military and defend the interests of the U.S.? Enter the Foreign Service and practice diplomacy? Perform and give concert tours? Why?

Also, where do you want to go? Do you see yourself in mostly "developed" countries, such as the U.S., Western Europe, Australia, or Japan? Or do you see yourself spending copious amounts of time in other parts of Asia, Latin America, the Middle East, the Pacific or Africa (some of which qualify as "middle income" countries, other which are known as "low income" countries? Or do you see yourself doing a mix of everything?

Granted, a lot of the motivations can also apply to one's home country and I'm not labeling any of them as positive or negative (they all can have either positive or negative impacts on the nations you visit). Also, the motivations and desired places can intersect, depending on one's interests and language skills. I'll admit, I want to see as many places as I can and, while my language of choice through school was mostly Spanish (with some Italian and Kiswahili), I still ended up in Kenya. But I digress (and will elaborate on my choices in later posts). All the same, it helps to know what drives your desire, regardless of what or how many reasons you have. Traveling is a commitment of time, energy and money. Knowing what drives you may help you decide what tasks you're up for or even if you're up for the task to begin with.

Don't "fawn over" a man......(vomit)

2011-05-31T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm amazed that whenever I talk to traditional Catholics or visit websites that market themselves to devout Catholics, there seems to be a consensus that fawning over your man is a good thing. It "makes them feel manly" if you're a dainty, "feminine" woman who's "admiring his manhood."

Is there a toilet nearby? I think I need to vomit. I would say shoot myself in the face but A) I refuse to own a gun and B) suicide is bad.

First, I refuse to believe in cookie cutter roles for men and women. I think so called "masculine" traits of protecting the innocent also fit into being a mother (geez, ever heard of "mama bear" syndrome?). Likewise, I think a sense of nurturing helps men to be better gentleman and better fathers. In some cases, if you travel across cultures, including those with separate spheres for men and women, ladies are expected to be tough! I think attaching labels onto people inhibits them from becoming who God intended them to be and that is a grave sin. Actually, in the New Testament, Jesus had very harsh words for people who choose to bury their talents and even harsher words for those who prevented others for getting close to God. To be something other than myself is dishonesty, which is another sin. I thought we, as Catholics, were supposed to guide people to God. You can't get to Him by sinning!

Second, I think excessive ego stroking can be spiritually dangerous. It's one thing to compliment someone on a positive trait they do possess. It's another thing to constantly fawn over someone in an effort to please them. If you love someone, you should be even more motivated to keep them accountable for their transgressions, whether to you, to God, or to other people. In my faith, marriage is about helping the other person get to heaven. You can't get their by sinning! Excessive fawning may actually help them sin and, by helping them sin, you are sinning yourself. In addition, an important spiritual quality, for both genders, is humility. Humility is the act of not acting less than or more than who you are. Fawning over someone excessively does little to promote that.

Third, promoting the idea of man as active leader and woman as passive admirer can also be physically and emotionally dangerous. While people promoting these ideals may condemn intimate partner violence, they don't often realize that abusers may use these images to control their partner. Girls already grow up learning they should please other people. This carries with it devastating consequences, from fearing they cannot stand up for themselves to friends or boyfriends (fueling a lot of the gossip and resentment that poisons relationships) to abusive relationships to eating disorders. While there are devastating consequences for men (feeling they need money to buy love, feeling they can never win a girl by being "nice"), the women unfortunately pay huge prices. For some reason, I don't think this is what God had in mind for men and women. I think God created us to be creatures of integrity, which involves courage, strength, humility, and kindness from all parties.

There are many requirements that Catholics and other Christians have to follow to attain a better world on this planet and salvation in the next life. Conforming to outmoded gender roles is not only unmentioned, it can actually prevent those two things from occurring. I strongly urge all Christians and, really, all people of faith, to seriously consider these, whether you believe in specific roles or not. I don't live my life for a man, I live my life to make the world a better place, whether or not I have a loving companion by my side. If we focused on attaining that, we really could set the world on fire.

So You Want A Travel Career: Part 1

2011-05-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I am a travel junkie. I'd be even more of one if I had money. Throughout my experience, I've encountered lots of questions and some well meaning opposition (usually from people who worry about skinny little girls and forget that we have strong legs and tough hearts). What's my advice to the travel virgin? I was originally going to do a list of tips but figured it would be quite lengthy so I'm going to do a series instead. Here goes.

For the travel virgin still in college (who knows they want to travel as a career), I will not direct you to a specific major. I majored in International Studies, which was good for the framework but I really don't want to discourage those majoring in subjects like teaching, engineering, chemistry, biology, premed, nursing, business, environmental science, or the arts. We need EVERYONE. However, if you have room, I highly recommend that you minor, because the theoretical framework is essential. If you cannot minor, at least take classes in world politics, U.S. politics, and basic economics classes. These are vital courses to understanding relevant political systems, the market structures in place, and the reasons why countries interact in the manner they do. Seriously, I know politics don't appeal to everyone and I know Econ can be dry and sometimes very difficult (trust me, I minored in Econ and it was HARD), but you will be so grateful you took these classes. Also, gain proficiency in at least one modern foreign language. Everyone says Arabic or Chinese but even Spanish or French will help you. Also, follow the news. Kind of helps if you know what's going on.

Not in college or don't have the time? Educate yourself. You can get basic economics books and books on politics from your local library. Follow the news. Follow ALL kinds of news. Invest in a Rosetta Stone or take summer language classes (even audit if it's cheaper, they don't care about the grade, they care if you SPEAK it). Even if you don't know where exactly you want to go, learning a language that's spoken by a wide range of people can help (and learning one language can help you learn more). Having a basic understanding of the world stage and having language skills are vitally important.

For the very basics, I'd stick with this. Regardless of your reasons for traveling, understanding why the world is the way it is and having proficiency in at least one language helps A LOT.

Stay tuned! There will be more to come!

"Geez, Kate, Stop Being So Political!"

2011-05-29T10:18:00.001-07:00

People tell me this when they feel I take my feminism too far. People often tell me I do not value my femininity(which I do), that I don't think highly of men(have you heard me talk about the men in my life?), and that I'm too independent (thank God, I am). Apparently, everything I do is some kind of political statement, whether it's the music I play or what I have in mind for my fantasy wedding.

Well, first of all, everything's political. Second, here's when I'll stop being "so political."

I'll stop being so political when people stop telling me to tart up or put out, in order to find a loving partner.

I'll stop being so political when people stop questioning my sexuality if I've been single for a long time.

I'll stop being so political when people stop treating women like they're dirty for breastfeeding.

I'll stop being so political when people stop using our bodies to sell products.

I'll stop being so political when people stop acting like rape is the fault of the victim instead of the criminal.

I'll stop being so political when employers start paying me a wage equal to my male coworkers and extend the same opportunities for promotion.

I'll stop being so political when people stop judging me for my sexual history or lack thereof.

I'll stop being so political when people stop giving a damn about how I dress and start giving a damn about how I act.

I'll stop being so political when people stop persecuting men for choosing things considered "feminine."

I'll stop being so political when people stop selling women, children and men into slavery.

I'll stop being so political when people stop discouraging me from the things I love because, "You're a girl and it's not safe."

I'll stop being so political when people stop using hair color and cup size as a judge for intelligence.

I'll stop being so political when people stop telling me I need artificial means to be beautiful.

I'll stop being so political when age stops making women invisible.

I'll stop being so political when people stop mutilating our bodies and using threats of death to keep us in line with gender norms.

I'll stop being so political when people stop killing, aborting, or abandoning their daughters, just because they are girls.

Mainly, I'll stop being so political when people start to recognize that women too are created in the image of God and treat us with dignity, equality and respect in all corners of the world.

Until that day, I'll continue with my fight. If you don't like it, too bad.

Postponing Grad School

2011-05-29T08:29:00.000-07:00

In one of my more recent posts, I had written about my decision to not attend law school. Maybe I will change my mind in a few years. Of course, it's not just law school I am avoiding for now. Though professors have tried to convince me to apply for Ph.d's, I've decided to stay away from grad school in general. While I know I will probably have to go back to school to further my career, I figure the best thing I can do right now is to take time off.

First, I am burned out from school. My last semester, while I did well in most classes, I had a hard time forcing myself to do work. Granted, through high school and college, I was the girl who could do papers the night before and kick ass on them (easy to do when the topics include Springsteen, the environment, and the Holy Mother). However, it was hard for me to become excited about my classes. Don't get me wrong, they were interesting ones and I ended up enjoying my SIS textbooks for summer reading. At the same time, it was hard for me to even prepare for my music classes. I just wanted to be done. I'll admit, the one thing I'm looking forward to most is having my nights and weekends to myself next year.

Second, I'm not sure what I'd want to go to grad school for. Law school does appeal to me sometimes, especially international law and immigration law. However, that involves a huge commitment of my time, money, and an idea of where I want to live (yes, they hire you based on region). Also, I've been flirting with studying theology, peace and conflict resolution, international development, development management, public health, going back and studying music, music therapy, environmental politics/management. There are so many topics that capture my fancy. I know that I need more professional discernment before I can make the financial and intellectual commitment to take on more education.

For me, I know that I'm not ready for this decision. I want to work a few years, travel, volunteer, work on my languages, computer, and music skills, and see where life takes me. I don't want to go simply because of the economy and then find myself more in debt and completely clueless. I want to enjoy the fact that, for the first time in my life, no one is telling me what to do anymore. My life is my own to figure out. There is no feeling that could take me higher.

"Sins of the Father"

2011-05-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

On a random search through the Internet, I found this (admittedly old) article. Last year, a daughter of a lesbian couple was denied enrollment at a Catholic school because, "the parents chose to live in discord with the Church teachings." Of course, this, among other discriminatory acts committed by Catholic and other Christian schools (expelling a girl whose mom was a lesbian, firing single, pregnant teachers), makes me somewhat ashamed of my own leaders.

I am not saying that the Church shouldn't teach about actions it considers sinful. However, punishing a child, a child who had no choice and nothing to do with their parents' choice, is a grave sin, in my opinion. This does not show a belief in repentance, this shows a belief in exclusivity and a choice of appearance instead of love. This has nothing to do with the parents who made the choice, it's about making sure they have no association with someone who sins. Sure, they say the girls can participate in Mass and religious education, but I think this has more to do with publicity than anything else.

Also, what other "sins of the father" are you going to choose to punish? Are we going to exclude children whose parents divorced and subsequently remarried without an annulment? What about those whose parents use artificial contraceptives? Had an abortion? Or had premarital sex, especially if they are single parents? Heck, let's put sexual sins aside. What about those whose parents have taken God's name in vain? Or those whose parents refuse to help the poor, raise them in lives of materialism, and teach them that money is everything (a good portion of where I grew up)? How about non-Catholics? How about we say, anyone who's ever sinned or won't stop sinning can't attend? Of course, that would be a problem donation wise.

When you close doors, you close hearts. Children have no say in what their parents choose to do. They are not the ones who sin in these ways, they should not be punished for the things their parents choose to do. However, accepting them may open a door into their families and may be a much stronger witness to the love of Jesus Christ than exclusion. Our Lord Himself said, "Let the children come to Me." An institution of the Church would do well to follow its Leader.

Yes, I'm smart. No law school for me!

2011-05-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

Growing up, I was known as "the lawyer." A snarky nickname from childhood, this was given to me by my parents for my tendency to try and negotiate punishments-for both me AND my siblings. Of course, as I grew older, proved my academic prowess, and came to identify with the marginalized, my father and others encouraged me to consider law as a possible career. "Only bad lawyers don't get jobs," I was told. However, after meeting several lawyers and thumbing through my roommate's copy of Law School Confidential, I am pretty sure that law is not in my future. At least, not my near future.

You see, in this bad economy, people are hurrying back to school in the hopes that an advanced degree will help them make bank or at least buy time. A lot of them will go to law school because, they figure, they did well in undergrad, they can ride out the economy and they can do good things. A lot of these law school grads ended up working at my restaurant. Not because they're not good at what they do. Many had stellar grades and summer internships while in law school. It's because the demand for lawyers is relatively low right now and they're too advanced for other jobs (entry level jobs won't take you if you have an advanced degree and others may not want to pay you that much). One in particular did very well, had an MPA on top of it, and still took nearly three years to find full time employment as a lawyer. This was after several volunteer law gigs, and considerable time doing part time legal work on top of working as a waitress and sales associate to put some cash in the bank. I already have student loan debt, why would I really want to add to it?

Also, while my brain loves a good challenge, let's be honest. I get bored. I had a hard enough time doing my IR readings (though I'd read the same things for fun). I love writing but I hate long papers. I liked being able to still participate in class, think critically, do good work, and not have to devote every waking hour to school or work. I enjoyed my internship in Kenya, where I was on my feet nearly every day, getting to know people and mobilizing, much more than my academics there. I like working with young people, but I'm sure that most of my duties will take place outside the courtroom unless I'm advocating for them in some fashion. I hate sitting down. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I couldn't imagine spending my life at a desk, reading dry, complicated material.

In addition, it's highly unlikely I'd be fighting for human rights at the Supreme Court or the International Criminal Court. Those are for the absolute cream of the crop and would take years and years of making my bones in the lower courts, likely doing civil cases or something like that. While I'll probably have to do years of work for little pay in what I'd want to do and take years to get recognized, I'd rather do something I find more rewarding. My coming year with Americorps is one. A possible stint out of the country doing great work is another (stay tuned!). Working for non-profits with a good vibe and an effective mission, even for little pay and behind the desk is another. Things that have me doing good work now is what I want, not a job that has the potential but in the present, has me doing work I find less than meaningful to me.

If I want to go to grad school, I'm going to go when I know for sure what direction my path is taking me. I don't want to do it because I'm scared of the alternative or because the world tells me I'm too smart not to. I don't want to end up in even more debt only to become a slave to that debt. If I do end up in law school (simply because God has a way of reversing all of my statements), it'll be because I've determined for myself this is the right thing for me and the right thing for the people I work with. Doing anything simply because other people told me to has a way of backfiring. I'm not going to do that at the expense of my mind, heart and my bank account.

Do I "love my country?"

2011-05-24T17:12:00.001-07:00

I'm an American girl who loves to travel. As such, people, mostly from older generations, often ask why I need to go overseas to help or to do things. "Isn't your own country good enough?" "Why can't you help Americans?" "You know, it's dangerous to go overseas." It's interesting to me that people would feel that my love of travel has to do with hating my country. Far from it, people. Let me tell you what loving my country involves.

I am an American and I'm happy to have been born in a country that guarantees basic rights and freedoms. I'm proud that we have a history of forging a path of our own and that, though we've made tons of mistakes and committed atrocities along the way, we were willing to learn and change. I'm happy that I can go to church, marry any guy over the age of consent (and any girl, depending on some states), have whatever job and not be killed or oppressed in any way for it. While we still have plenty of issues we need to work on, I'm glad I was born here.

However, I do consider myself a global citizen. When Jesus told everyone to love their neighbor, He was asked who neighbors were. This prompted Him to tell the story of the Good Samaritan. For those that don't know, the story involves a man who had gotten injured in an accident. The supposed holy ones of the Jewish community at the time walked by but did not notice him. It was a Samaritan, a foreigner despised by the Jewish people, who ended up helping the man. Jesus used this story to say that the definition of "neighbor" goes beyond kin or tribe. Thus, as a Christian, I feel I'm called to serve my neighbor, whether that neighbor is Kenyan, American, Pakistani, or Mexican. Wherever I end up, I should serve. That's where I say the call of my faith ranks higher than my citizenship.

In addition, serving the world helps America, whether America realizes it or not. We are interconnected for good or for ill, whether we're depending on China for economics or Saudi Arabia for oil. By helping others gain their rights and stand on their own feet, we are creating potential allies. Likewise, negative actions (such as deposing of elected leaders and supporting dictators) have negative consequences for us throughout the world. Like most species, human beings are an interdependent group. As people need each other, so do countries.

Loving my country means keeping it accountable. It means encouraging it to participate with everyone else (everyone likes friends, right?). It means expanding tis horizons and helping it to be the best it can be. We'd encourage this of individual people. As an economics professor of mine once said, countries are collections of people. Wouldn't these rules still apply?

No "Cookie Cutter" Vocations-Catholics, take note!

2011-05-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

In the Catholic faith, we recognize everyone's life choice as a "vocation," from the Latin vocare, "to call." While used to describe a call to priesthood or religious life (nuns, monks), this term is also used to describe a call to married life or the single state. Regardless of the choice, these represent the states in life in which an individual can best serve God. Of course within these vocations, God's call is unique to each person. Not all priests, monks and nuns do the same things, not all single people do the same things. What bothers me is that people often believe that married people must do the same things.

I've read too many Catholic and Christian sources that proclaim a woman's duty to stay at home, have a bunch of babies, homeschool and submit to her man. Meanwhile, the man is expected to provide for all the family's needs. Of course, these are not all inherently bad. I know people who do well with big families. Sometimes, homeschooling is best (and may allow kids to go further academically) and, in many cases, it may be better for at least one parent to stay at home (day care prices being what they are). The problem arises when people proclaim these as expected roles and duties for all husbands and wives.

God created us male and female. Yes, female means our bodies are designed to bear children and to provide care after their born (yes, boobs are for food, get over it, America). However, God also gave brains to women and may call a married woman to use them in His service, whether as a teacher, a doctor, a politician, an economist or what have you. God also gave hearts to men, so that they may fulfill His call to love. As such, maybe a man is called to stay at home with his children, or to take a job that is more about nurturing (nursing, teaching, social work) than about money. Maybe God wants a family to only have a couple of children, so that they can best love them and give time and resources to them. Maybe God wants a family to put their kids in public school, so that the kids can get the best education to serve Him (not all public schools are crappy) and learn to love and respect people who are different from them while also living out their faith. Maybe God wants a family to travel.

Just because something is good doesn't mean something is good for everyone. In fact, persuading others to follow a cookie cutter path can cause much damage. Rather than direct their talents to God and His Kingdom, couples are encouraged to conform to an image, found nowhere in Scripture or the Catechism, at the cost of their sanity, finances, physical health (for mothers), and possibly their own faith. Further, to bury the talents God has given you are a horrendous crime in Scripture and Jesus Himself had very harsh words for those who chose to. We work to build a Kingdom, not an image.

Thoughts on "traditions"

2011-05-21T10:04:00.000-07:00

Whenever I talk about my ideal Catholic, feminist wedding, I'll often hear things like, "But those are traditions!" and, "No one DOES that!"

My response? A) Not all traditions are good and meaningful and B) If everyone decides to jump off a bridge, should I jump too?

I'm not against all traditions. I'm Catholic. I like tradition (big T and small t, yes, there's a difference). I like going to Mass every Sunday and reciting ancient biblical prayers. I like saying the rosary. I like that my dad reads the Declaration of Independence every Fourth. I think some of the cultural and culinary traditions of my mixed ethnic background are awesome. Traditions mark our heritage, whether our religious or ethnic heritage or our heritage as a nation. However, I would not deny that some traditions are destructive.

For example, most of us in the West would agree that circumcising girls, a traditional practice in many countries, is a destructive tradition. Most of us Westerners would agree that paying a bride price for women is wrong. In my faith, some religious orders have bucked the tradition of the habit (the garb of religious Sisters and Brothers, as well as some priests) because they found it prevented them from reaching more people (whether through intimidation or anger at negative past experiences in the Church). Parades in Northern Ireland (Orange Order and Apprentice Boys of Derry, for example), while defended as cultural traditions, are often seen as extremely divisive and a potential catalyst for violence.

Yes, these are a bit extreme. No, not everyone is going to come to a consensus on what constitutes a good tradition or a bad one and there are some we will be indifferent about. At the same time, I disagree with doing something simply because we've always done it. Traditions should be meaningful, should be seen as a source of unity, and should be positive. Otherwise, they seem superficial and carry the possibility of sending a negative message, if not destruction of others.

My Ideal Catholic, Feminist Wedding

2011-05-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: This does NOT mean I'm thinking of getting married quite yet. I need at least two years to get my life together first!

Now that I've hopefully addressed concerns that Katie may be rushing things (when you end up in a relationship, everybody's got an opinion.....Sheesh), I think I should mention what sparked this blog post. The Washington Post published a "Spring Cleaning" article, one that listed twenty things our society needs to purge. One of the authors wrote about the engagement ring. Long treasured as a symbol of romance and commitment, the author mentions the implications of consumerism, ownership, and self-entitlement that go along with it. To me, that's how I see most modern weddings. Of course, in my opinion, we've cheapened the ideals of marriage in the first place and placed greater emphasis on "her" day while including traditions that imply male ownership simply because it's "tradition." Don't even get me started. Anyway, being a both a fiery feminist and a devout Catholic, I thought I should talk about my ideal Catholic, feminist wedding.

For the engagement, I would not want a proposal or a ring. To be honest, I would not date if we were not discerning some type of future ( and I believe discussions of marriage should be frequent. It's so easy for us to stay with someone because the emotions are strong, thinking at first that we don't have to marry them, but becoming so devoted to them that it takes us by surprise. I think that, for a relationship to be successful, a couple needs to constantly discuss their future. Once we've decided that, yes, marriage is in our future, we both can pick a day to "become" engaged. For me, this would involve hosting a party for our friends and families (not telling them why) and then reciting heartfelt promises to marry each other. We would exchange small tokens (matching wristbands or something) that mark us as engaged. To me, it shows that the decision to marry is a mutual decision, that we will belong to each other, not solely me to him.

For the wedding, I'd walk down the aisle with my intended and instead, have my family serve as my wedding party. Why not my father? In a Catholic wedding, no one "gives me away." The man and the woman are ministers of the sacrament of marriage and, while a priest or deacon is present, they are there simply to witness and officiate at other parts of the ceremony. It makes more sense for me to walk down with my intended because we are giving ourselves to each other. Having our families participate in the ceremony makes more sense because it shows how they both prepared us for this journey and served as the first to teach us about relationships. Now, I'd still dance with my father afterward, because I am a daddy's girl and I think it's cute (I vote a Springsteen song for that). I just think the idea of the father bringing the woman to her husband smacks of old ideas of women as property and it doesn't sit well with me. Unless the groom walks down with his mom, or both walk down with their parents, it doesn't make sense to me. Also, having my family as my wedding party removes the drama behind choosing bridesmaids (plus, I don't want to have to deal with picking dresses).

For my dress, I don't want white. I've heard so many times that people will, "Think I'm a slut." OK, in our culture, how many of those brides are virgins? Second, why isn't the man showcasing HIS purity? Last I checked, Catholic teaching applies to him too (and yes, whomever I marry will be Catholic). Also, if people really know me and love me, would they really refer to me by degrading names because of a friggin' color? To me, white isn't even about virginity, as most Christian women did NOT wear white dresses until Queen Victoria made it popular. White became the fashion because it symbolized wealth (it's difficult to clean so you could only wear it once). To me, symbols of consumption seem incompatible with Christian teachings on sacrifice. Also, I tend to be loud, fiery, and crazy, which means color is in order! To me, I'm thinking royal blue. Why? Blue showcases everything I love like Mary's mantle (Mary's painted in many ways but we all know her by a blue mantle), the ocean, the Kenyan sky, parts of my ancestry (Italy's team is the Forza Azzuri or the Blue Force and it's also part of the tartan that marks the clan of my Scots ancestry), my graduation from university (our robes were royal blue). Royal blue because everyone always told me it flatters me. To me, it seems to reflect my essence. My essence is what I present to my groom on my wedding day. Why shouldn't my dress reflect that?

No diamonds for this chick. Exploitation of children in Africa does not seem like the greatest aphrodisiac in the world. Even conflict free ones just smack of expense and extraction of minerals just reminds me of environmental damage. Maybe wedding rings made out of recycled metals? They can still be beautiful, meaningful and appreciative, while also affirming our love for the earth. To me, that's another theological incite, as Adam came from the soil, so man was to be connected with the soil. Original sin broke relationships between men, women and the earth so I see it as a symbol of attempts at reunion and reconciliation.

Reception time? Everyone dances. Everyone eats. Everyone drinks (responsibly, I WILL throw you out if you're a drunken buffoon). I dance with my husband, with my dad, and with my friends. I like the whole, bride dances with her dad, groom with his mom. There will probably be a lot of Springsteen, U2, and the Eagles as well as whatever he likes. Oh, did I mention there will be food? Mangia, mangia!

I also will keep my maiden name. My refusal to change it does not lessen our unity. Our unity will be showcased through our home, our life and our children. Yes, I know, it's my father's last name so I still have a man's name. But that's because it's from a long tradition of women changing their names. I also don't mind mine too much. Marriage makes us one but it doesn't mean I forsake my identity. I am open to giving my kids their father's name, simply because everyone will know they're my kids (hard to hide a pregnant belly, especially on a skinny frame). Or name blending. I just want to keep mine. Many Latin cultures (which are very Catholic, by the way) involve women keeping their names and giving both to the kids. To me, there's no theological reasoning for it, so I won't bother myself with it.

I'm not knocking anyone who chooses to go the traditional route. Rather, I'm proposing we reflect on WHY we choose the traditions we choose. To me, (yes, to ME), may of these traditions have become meaningless and don't coincide with my understanding of both femininity and my faith. To me, unity implies a combining of souls, bodies, houses, and resources to produce something powerful. We both bring unique talents, personalities and thoughts to the table so marriage should be an equal partnership. Not me under him, nor him under me, but both at an equal level. If we are truly ministers of the sacrament, and if women are also made in the image of God (and therefore, powerful in their own right), our ceremonies and customs should reflect this. So, for me (again, for ME), this is what a Catholic, feminist wedding looks like.

Terrorists and IMF leaders

2011-05-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

What do they have in common? They thought they could mess with NYC. Instead, the U.S. messed with them. Of course, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, leader of the IMF, obviously missed that memo. Either that, or he thought his wealth, his status, and his country's condemnation of our walks of shame would protect him. For those who don't know, Mr. Strauss-Kahn was arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting a hotel housekeeper. He tried to run from the cops.

Sexist and classist comments aside (referring to her as a "girl" when she's 32, barely even mentioning her), I have to wonder. France is bitching because they don't like photos of him in handcuffs. They say it makes him "look guilty." I don't know about you but I think running from the cops makes you look guilty. Others mention him as a loving husband and father, you know, because cheating on your wife really shows your family how much you love them. Seriously, what was he thinking?

There's no excuse for his behavior. Anyone who commits sexual assault deserves a nice spot in the big house. I don't care how wealthy you are, how famous you are, or how many movies you make (yes, Mr. Polanski, I'm pointing the finger at you. My middle finger, that is). That act proves that you are a dangerous person who cannot be trusted. To whom much is given, much is required and, even if it wasn't assault, he shouldn't have been cheating in the first place.

Mr. Strauss-Kahn, listen to Marlon Brando and act like a man. All the money in the world can't hide your character. I'm surprised this is your crime, because you obviously need to grow a set. If you cannot, I will lend you mine.

"Taking Care" Of Yourself

2011-05-16T04:42:00.001-07:00

"I want someone who takes care of themselves." OK, that seems reasonable when you're looking for someone to marry. If they don't take care of themselves, they may not take care of you or the kids, right? Yet, something in me smells a heaping pile of bullshit and I think I know why.

Ever notice people are usually referencing someone's weight when

they say this?

Weight is one of those things that has become extremely dicey in our culture. On one hand, we make it very clear that we do not like the idea of fat. People will refer to a plump person as "disgusting" and chastise them for "unhealthy habits" while our magazines feature skinny women (who are either starving or snorting coke) who somehow have huge boobs (yay, silicone?) while the men are built like a Greek goddess' wet dream. Our grocery stores are filled with "low-fat" and "fat-free" everything and diet pills and fads come and go. There is extreme pressure on postpartum mothers to drop the weight as quickly as possible, even if they are breastfeeding (another loaded issue in our puritanical yet hyper-sexualized culture). Doctors diagnose eating disorders in younger and younger girls (and boys too), simply because they are absorbing the messages they see on TV and in the movies and simply want to be pretty, even at the risk of sudden heart failure. It isn't even about being healthy, fit or taking care of yourself. It's about fitting into a certain image, determined by people eager to make a few bucks.

On the other hand, our culture (as well as our corporations and politicians, through subsidies and cheap products) makes it easier for us to be overweight. Especially in impoverished neighborhoods with little access to grocery stores (and more access to overpriced convenience stores), soda is cheaper than milk and it's often cheaper to buy boxed foods than to constantly have to buy vegetables (which have a low shelf life). Our chaotic work schedules make cooking (a healthier choice) seem like a luxury and a long commute cuts into work out time. Due to standardized testing, young children spend more time than ever sitting down in school and find their gym and recess times cut short (and we wonder why they act up in class?). Further our culture of instant gratification makes healthier choices such as cooking (rather than microwaving) and losing weight over a longer period of time when it is an issue very unappealing. Thanks to TV's, the Internet, and other fun distractions, who needs to play outside?

I mean, seriously. How many skinny people do you know who are out of shape? Who drink soda like it's water? Who may have high blood cholesterol? Who want to pass out after walking up one short flight of stairs? Yet, how many people tell them, "Oh honey, you can eat as much as you want! How lucky?" Or encourage them to eat like crap, because at least they still conform to our beauty standards? How many people have told me I don't "need" to work out because I'm slim, not knowing that, yes, osteoporosis, runs in my family, so I better hit the gym? The whole, "taking care of yourself" is utter bullshit. If we really did believe in that, we'd make it so our culture wasn't so sedentary. We'd hold corporations accountable for pushing crap foods on us and make it so politicians didn't subsidize unhealthy products. We'd acknowledge that lack of access to healthy food is a sign of a hunger crisis, even if our hungry people may not look like a "starving kid in Ethiopia" (feed the hungry, damn it!). We'd stop cutting recess and gym time for our kids and encourage interactive learning that involved them moving around. We'd make time to work out, regardless of age, and make it part of our social, family and love lives. We'd offer healthy, yet delicious, snacks as a sign of hospitality.

Yes, we all need to take care of our bodies. Taking care of our bodies means ACCEPTING them. It DOES NOT mean forcing them to conform to an idealized image. It means learning how we best can preserve our health and lives and acting on it. It also means fighting so that others may not only be educated but that they may also have access to healthy food. It means we give other people dignity and treat them with respect, rather than make degrading comments about them because of struggles they may have. It means we'd affirm people's looks when they look healthy, not when they look skinny (I can't tell you how much it hurt when people told me how good I looked by "losing weight" when I was actually stressed out, tired, working too hard, and barely eating). It means we stop nit-picking celebs for their looks (especially when we have daughters of our own. Yes, I'm talking to you, Mr. Beck) and critique them on, well, their purpose as actors, musicians, public speakers, and what have you.

So, kids, take care of yourselves (for real), love each other, see your physician annually and don't do drugs. Actually, some recreational drugs are acceptable (moderate amounts of caffeine and alcohol). Just don't do the stupid ones. Yes, I'm including diet pills in this one.

Take that, Kelly Clarkson :D

2011-05-16T03:52:00.001-07:00

Our culture prides itself on independence. Individual rights, Independence Day, "pulling one's self up by the bootstraps", the list goes on and on. While we have taken it too far, to the point where we spend too much time isolated from others and forget the needs of others (how often do we ignore the homeless guy on the street or forget to say thank you to our servers and bus drivers?), independence is something I value and cherish. I've become pretty financially independent in college, having paid my own rent since summer 2009, and I've lived my own life since attending school. I think young people, especially young women, need to learn independence. What do I mean by this?

Independence means being your own person. It means knowing yourself, knowing what makes you tick. It means learning to appreciate all your traits, with the intent of using them for good things. It means learning why you think negatively about other traits and trying to change how you use them (for me, it means not using my temper to lash out, but using the fire behind it as a motivation to make the world better instead of simply wishing I wasn't so fiery). It means embracing your own means of expression and developing your own interests and hobbies. Why are these important? It's these traits, these interests, these hobbies, that help you to develop your life's work and purpose. If you know who you are and own who you are, you can use this as direction for a few important decisions such as your education, your career choice, your future spouse. Independence means the courage to use this knowledge and make these choices, regardless (and sometimes despite) what family and friends say.

Independence means survival. People use this in the financial sense of the word (in the end, I have to present my own check to the landlord) but I mean this as a means of emotional survival as well. We all need the love of our family (whether biological or of our choosing), our friends, our communities, and our partners. At the same time, there are points when we need to depend on ourselves. People die, people leave our lives, people change so, as much as they love us, they can't and won't be around forever. I'm not advocating a hermitage type of existence where we simply eschew human contact. Instead, I'm saying that, while we should absolutely reach out to others and love people in spite of their faults, we can't depend on them to complete us. We need to show respect, we also need to demand respect. We should take time to just be alone (and not hooked to technology), in order to reflect on ourselves. Am I where I want to be? Am I who I want to be? Is this person good to me? Am I good to them? This not only helps us become better people, it helps us determine if those in our lives help us to be better people.

Independence does not mean we shut ourselves off from love or from our loved ones' desires to help us. It means constantly discerning whether these displays of love or help are actually loving or helping. It means becoming comfortable in your own skin, trusting in who you are to make positive change in your own life as well as in the lives of other people. Rather than isolating, independence can serve as a powerful mechanism to connect people. I would say that claiming the title of "Miss Independent" enabled me to love others better by helping me love myself (yes, people of faith, loving God means loving yourself because, guess what? You already believe that God made you). Kelly Clarkson was wrong when she equated it with refusing love. Strength means the ability to go it alone when you have to and only a strong heart can truly love others.

How Do I Feel? Post Grad Emotions

2011-05-14T13:59:00.001-07:00

Last weekend, I made a milestone many of my family have not finished. I graduated college with a Bachelor's degree. While they seem a dime a dozen now, college education continues to be a luxury for many in the world, especially women. As you can imagine, this was a huge deal for my family, who all made the six hour trip to DC to see it. On top of it, I finished college in the midst of adventures, from lobbying Congress, to studying in Kenya, to now heading south for a year with Americorps. Nonetheless, my family is very proud. Yet one question sticks in my mind.

"How does it feel?"

A week later, I don't know what to say. I did feel a burst of excitement as I processed in and again as I was about to walk. Afterward, I felt overwhelmed by everyone's outpouring of love for me and teared up quite a bit (the most when my grandfather told me how proud my grandmother would have been). Yet, for the most part, I don't feel different. I mean, I still live in DC, I still work at the same restaurant that I've been with for nearly three years. I hang out with my friends. I sing/play music, I cook, I clean my apartment. I pay my rent like a good girl. I listen to music and go on Facebook. I do my own brand of light reading (usually, same stuff as school but on my terms). You know, the usual.

There are times, like just now, where I realize it, usually because I'm filling out roommate requests, uniform size sheets and forbearance forms for my student loans. I feel excited about it, a new adventure, an opportunity to serve, the beginning of what hopefully will be a long and glorious career of I-don't-know-what-except-it's-awesome. Yet I do feel sad. Sad to be leaving the city I've lived in and loved for four years. Sad that it's my turn to say goodbye. Sad that it's an end. Sad that I'll be leaving someone I've come to love dearly behind (I have hope for us, the leaving part just sucks).

To conclude, I'm not sure what I feel. I think I feel many different things, all at different times. Am I happy? Yes. Proud? You bet. Relieved? Damn straight, I want time off before I return to the walls of academia (hopefully with more purpose and drive, as well as some funds). Sad? A bit, more about leaving DC than finishing my time at AU. I feel everything and nothing but I guess that's just how life is.

What Would You Die For?

2011-05-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

I love to travel. My love is apparent in the fact that I lament only having been to six countries before my 22nd birthday (never mind that my parents have only been to two each, my father because he was born in another one). It became pretty clear when I chose to study in Kenya for a semester, rather than graduate early. It was even more obvious when I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum about traveling with me in the future before agreeing to become a serious couple. Let's face it, I love it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Trust me, I've seen quite a bit of ugly.

People often question this love. They never fail to remind me how it will be difficult to have a family, how I need to settle down at some point. They remind me how expensive it is, how time consuming it is, and how mishaps always occur (lost bags, delayed flights, credit and debit cards screwing up). Finally, they often remind me how dangerous it is.

The other stuff to me is very easy to work around. If men can travel with families, why not a woman? I've known several woman with both traveling careers and families. To me, that's remedied with a supportive spouse and prudence in location choices when young children are present (like, I would not be opposed to living in Kenya or Peru with a small child. I would be opposed to living in Somalia or Mexico when I have small children). Expense takes care of itself with financial prioritizing, plus I can accept jobs overseas and earn a comfortable salary. Mishaps happen all the time and make for hilarious stories later on (I have PLENTY of stories from being stuck in London for two days with no money). However, I do need to talk about danger.

Travel, like anything else, has risks. Anything that attracts tourism is likely to have pickpockets. Further, in other places, there are risks for infectious diseases, and some places have high rates of kidnappings, security threats and in some cases murder. As a woman, I face the risk of rape wherever I go (whether that's in the U.S. or in other countries but I pretty much have that risk alive or dead and that is something I've come close to facing). Yes, we can get our shots, have local guides, live in high security compounds, boil our water, wear our wallets and documents under clothes, and make sure our phones can be used in any part of the world. At the same time, I want a career in Peace and Conflict Resolution. What does that mean? It means Katie's putting her life on the line.

Yes, I may die as a result of my career. Maybe I end up in unfriendly territory, I stand up against the Mafia, I do research on a specific conflict. Maybe I catch a disease no one can cure as a result of my work. Maybe the plane crashes or there's a natural disaster. Maybe there's a fire and the building codes aren't up to par like they are in the Western world. I'm not advocating recklessness here. I would never go looking for trouble, would gladly take any health and security workshop I needed and would honestly research and discern certain placements and opportunities before jumping the gun. I would invest in traveler's insurance and always make contacts before I head to a new place. However, to deny the real and sometimes mortal risks of my chosen path would be an act of dishonesty.

In truth, I could die from just about anything, young or old. The risks I mentioned happen in the U.S. as they do in the rest of the world, albeit in different frequencies for each risk. Yet everyone dies at some point. I could not think of a more fitting death than one which involved serving my fellow man and doing what I truly loved. In addition, if I can't find something I'd give my life for, what do I have to live for?

Osama's Dead..........

2011-05-02T06:06:00.000-07:00

I'll admit, my initial reaction was, "Ding Dong, the witch is dead!" As someone who still remembers 9/11, all the kids called home from school, families worrying if their loved ones would make it home on the commute from the city, how we tried to get some of our firefighters home (at least one didn't make it), how people feared anthrax in Halloween candy and the fear, my only thought was, "Finally." But then, my fellow Christians gave me pause.

Yes, what Osama did was truly evil. He, at the very least, needed to be stopped. Yes, the relief is understandable, especially for those of us who lived close to NYC or DC, were in them, lost family, or survived. However, there are still thousands like him, who wish for our deaths. There are even more who will now hate us, due to our intense celebrations of his death. While violence, unfortunately, is sometimes necessary, it should never be the primary solution and should always come with sorrow and repentance.

Further, to all the Christians, the Lord's Prayer/Our Father has a line stating, "Forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." We're asking God to forgive us as we forgive our enemies. If we can't forgive our enemies, isn't it presumptuous to ask God for His full forgiveness? This doesn't mean pardon or excusing the action itself. It means letting go of the anger and the bitterness to see that the wrongdoer was still a human being, equal to us in standing and dignity. Yes, we may have to punish the person, but in the hopes that they will turn from their wrongdoing. If that is not possible and the lives of the people are at stake, then we may have to use violence. Again, this should be done with sorrow.

American Christians need to remember that vengeance is not our territory. It is God's and God's alone. If we want to be people who truly love Jesus Christ, we need to follow His commands. These include loving your enemies, forgiving 70 * 7, and working for peace and justice in this world. While we have to punish violence (sometimes using violence), rejoicing in suffering makes us no better than the people who hate us. Let's not be like those who danced at the deaths of our loved ones when my beloved cities were struck by evil.

How to Promote Healthy Body Image

2011-04-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

I'll admit, though I'm a skinny girl who has received compliments about her body proportions since age 10, I too have struggled (and still do, in some sense) with negative body image. I find that this is one area where society speaks double. We promote unhealthy consumption and sedentary lifestyles, yet we expect women to remain skinny while also possessing "tits and ass." I've done some thinking and found my own ways that people in society can promote a positive body image, especially for girls.

1. Promote healthy eating for EVERYONE! No matter your body shape or metabolism, sugar, trans fats, high fructose corn syrup, and overly processed foods hurt everyone. Eating healthy and drinking plenty of water don't only help shed unwanted pounds, they give you energy and remove toxins.

2. Healthy eating includes proportions. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you feel satisfied (not necessarily full). Chew each bite thoroughly, this actually helps with digestion. And, if you're so worried about waste, take your food with you or stick it in your fridge. And, for the love of all that is good, stop encouraging your skinny relatives to gorge themselves. I still struggle with overeating because I heard enough of that growing up.

3. Don't compare sisters' looks to each other. Yes, some girls are born with incredibly stunning features. Maybe their sisters aren't as much, but still can be beautiful in their own right. It's no fun to have family members, friends, and strangers compare your height, face shape, hair thickness, and cup size as if you were at a meat market. Plus, it encourages sisters to be jealous and harbor resentment to each other. Fastest way to destroy self-confidence and familial relationships.

4. Encourage exercise, especially weight training. Not only will this give us our shape, weight training also builds and maintains bone density. As women, we're susceptible to conditions such as osteoporosis, which weight training can easily prevent. However, don't neglect cardio and flexibility training. These are just as necessary to maintain endurance, increase energy, and prevent injuries. Plus, physical strength encourages self-confidence and a positive feeling about one's body.

5. Helpful advice about clothes and styles that would flatter can be nice. However, don't overdo it and don't push the shopping thing. Let us figure out what we'd like to wear and how we'd like to do it. Emphasize proper hygiene, appropriate outfits for various venues (in our preferred styles) and the importance of taking care of our nicer things. Don't push materialism or needing to be "in style."

6. For all the romantic partners (male and female): do your best to keep your eyes faithful. Yes, there are attractive people and you notice. Noticing isn't bad, it's when you keep your eyes on the other person and are virtually ignoring your partner that it can be dangerous. Also, tell her how lovely she is, especially when she's tired or feeling insecure. Trust me, we NEVER tire of hearing that.

7. For friends: affirm each other's looks as well as our other qualities. You don't have to overdo it, but when one of us makes an effort to look good, say so!

8. Never say "you look nice." That makes it sound like we put in effort but can never be gorgeous.

9. I hate hearing, "you look good, have you lost weight?" That's because the semesters I did hear it, I was under serious stress and not eating properly. STOP ENCOURAGING UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS!

10. Don't make any comments about weight. At all.

11. Don't tell me to show off or cover up, based on what you do or don't want to see. Some of us wear whatever we want because we feel like it. Also, for those that do cover, maybe religion dictates we do and we make the choice (yes, our choice) to be faithful to that. Or maybe we don't need to show off our cleavage to feel good. Or, maybe we're sexual assault survivors and we feel more protected when we cover. But don't tell me I need to show off to get a man. That's bullshit.

12. Stop encouraging post-partum women to lose it as quickly as possible! Not healthy for her, not for the baby, especially if Mom is breastfeeding.

13. Breastfeeding isn't dirty, so stop treating it as such. If the Vatican deems it OK to have pictures of Mary nursing Jesus (with fully exposed breast) and if people in countries with higher modesty standards don't care, we shouldn't. Breasts aren't sexual any more than legs are and people can be attracted to just about anything. So stop with the lies already.

14. Fight negative body image in the media. Write to companies that use womens' bodies in advertising to stop. Buy products from companies that don't do it as much.

15. Fight for kids' rights to healthy food, ample recess time, and gym class. It's not that more kids necessarily have ADD/ADHD, it's that we're making kids adjust to lifestyles that aren't healthy for their bodies or ability to learn. If your school board threatens to cut recess or gym due to a need for the kids to take meaningless tests, fight it! And, while we're at it, fight for hunger policies that encourage healthy eating in poor communities.

As you can see, healthy body image is tied to health, relationships (romantic, familial and friendly), and social justice. Women are not objects you must divide and conquer. We're people. It's time we were treated as such and it's time we treated ourselves and each other in the same light.

Did NOT Watch the Royal Wedding :D

2011-04-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

One of my professors (also AU's Methodist chaplain) shared this blog post a few days ago. The author gives plenty of reasons for Americans not to watch the wedding, namely because our attachment to anything royal flies in the face of our founding and tradition. I'm not saying anyone who watches this wedding is a dirty loyalist scumbag traitor. The truth is, Americans love watching the weddings of high profile people, due to the voyeuristic nature of our culture. However, it did give me some food for thought.

Why would I even bother watching the wedding of someone I don't know personally and who's life honestly has no bearing on mine? Why would I worry myself over Kate Middleton's dress, her title, the fact that she will no longer be able to vote (a tragedy if there ever was one) when the world itself is exploding? Why would I bother over the British royal family when I need to finish my study of our economic systems and a paper about the influence of religion on American and Irish rock stars (the latter nationality especially holding little fondness for the English)? Why would I bother with the romance of strangers when I've got my own to take care of?

It is sad that, while people are dying (literally, dying) for their freedom in the Middle East (something you'd think America would follow intensely, due to our own glorification of democratic/republican governments), we're concerned with how royals choose to wed. It scares me that, at a time when our own leaders have very little accountability and our own voting holds more of a symbolic power, that we'd choose to admire those whose power is also largely symbolic. To me, it's just another expression of how vain, vapid and meaningless our culture has become. Sadly, we've forgotten who we are.

So, in honor of the big occasion, I am going to sing "I Just Can't Wait to Be King," read the Declaration of Independence, and revel in the fact that the only title anyone will ever use on me is Ms. Forget about the monarchy, we're a republican/democracy, damn it, and we need to reclaim power for our own people. Let's focus on more important issues. We have the potential to create something truly great.

Contrasting Romance

2011-04-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

I remember spending one Friday morning with my boy before his internship. That day, we could not have looked more different. He was in his suit, had shaved and had a recent haircut. With his glasses, he looked very much like either a young professor or soon to be politician. I, on the other hand, was wearing jeans, Birkenstocks, and my Carpe Diem punker mens' sized T-shirt, complete with French braids, a black bandanna, a huge Ethiopian cross necklace, and assorted jewelry brought to you by Kenya's artists. To me, that seemed to classify some differences. A clean cut conservative boy and an adventurous hippie girl fall in love.

Our differences stand out in other ways as well. I'm more of a foodie, he's very much into comfort foods. I'm high strung, he's very easygoing. He emphasizes his Gaelic, I emphasize my garlic (though we each have both). I'm more liberal in my faith interpretation, he's more conservative. He's into anime and gaming, I'm into music and languages. He's interned at Congress and think tanks, I've interned at non-profit policy and grassroots organizations. I'm a morning person, he's a night owl. Our family backgrounds are different in a variety of ways.

Yet we also have much in common. We both are converts to Catholicism and take our faith very seriously. We both are concerned with issues of social justice and are conscious of privilege. We both like living in cities and don't want to have to deal with mortgage + home maintenance. We love to laugh A LOT and hold a deep, abiding love for Weird Al, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. We enjoy musical theater and take pride in having grown up in(for him)/around (for me) NYC. We grew up around classic rock. We are the eldest children in our respective families. We both enjoy intellectual debate. Our dreams coincide with each other and he's supportive of my wanderlust (though I'm sure we'll miss each other this fall, provided we're still together).

In addition, our differences balance out. I find he stabilizes me, he tells me I bring out his adventurous side. He encourages me to be more open-minded, my stubbornness encourages him to stick to his guns. When talking about justice issues, I hear from him about the policy angle, he hears from me about the grassroots angle. I now ask questions about anime, he's started using Swahili in sentences. We also learned to appreciate differences, to see them as the spice of life, as part of the person we've come to deeply care about.

I guess we confirmed that in our conversation from that Friday. I told him how I felt so underdressed next to him. He just said, "Nah. You look gorgeous."

Dear American Christians, You're Not Persecuted.

2011-04-26T05:11:00.000-07:00

Now, stop whining.

If you are a Christian in America, whether Catholic, Protestant, or Orthodox, you are unlikely to experience the following (except in very isolated cases).

You will not be denied housing because of your faith.

You will not be denied employment because of your faith.

You will not be denied the right to marry whomever you want because of your faith.

You will not be denied the right to political office or political participation because of your faith.

You will not be considered a terrorist because of your faith.

You will not fear for your life because of your faith (whether it's through attending a worship service, wearing a religious symbol or just doing day to day things).

You will not be targeted by cops for no other reason than your faith.

You will not be pulled aside for "random security selections" because of your faith.

You will not be a victim of attempted genocide because of your faith.

And on and on and on...........

Christians in Egypt and other parts of the Middle East have more reasons to worry. Christians in Northern Ireland (depending on which denomination) have more reasons to worry. Catholics in China and even some in Scotland have more reasons to worry (Archbishop and football coaches receiving letter bombs). Christians in parts of India have more reasons to worry.

People in the U.S. may not understand you and may make fun of you, depending on how traditional you are. But they won't set out to marginalize and destroy you.

Now shut up.

"Wah! I'm not Perfect!" Good. Now, shut it.

2011-04-25T12:58:00.000-07:00

You know who you are. And, yes, you heard that right.

No, you're not perfect. Mankind is inherently flawed, according to every major religion and philosophy in the world. Every person, and I mean every person, has done something wrong, made a crazy mistake, failed a test, or something to that effect, once in their lives. Everyone has broken a relationship, lost friends, hurt someone's feelings, spoken too soon, lost their heirloom necklace, broke their cell phone, whatever you can think of, once in their lives. We all scraped our knees when we were six and scraped our brains (figuratively......I hope) when we were sixteen. Whatever you can think of, at least one of us has done it.

Am I excusing poor behavior or laziness? Absolutely not. However, too many of us at my university, including yours truly, are way too hard on ourselves. We don't do well in one class and we think it means we're dumb. We get an A- and something's wrong, right? In addition, we often attempt the balancing act of school, work, internship, friendships, relationships, school clubs. Yes, we're all insane and no, we don't sleep. Or eat healthy. Seriously, where's the time? We're too busy trying to be perfect at everything. You know, because it's AU. If we don't get an A in every class, have an awesome internship with a member of Congress, enjoy a social life and a love life, and hold down a job (to pay rent and consume massive amounts of alcohol needed to cope with the chaos), we're starving people in poor countries. Or something like that. On a less snarky note, we feel like failures.

You know, it's really sad that we feel like we need to maintain this level of craziness. It's an obsession and obsessions are never healthy. I cannot tell you how many of my peers do not get a good night's sleep, never relax (except to numb their minds with Facebook, Twitter, etc) and only go out to get bombed (can you blame them?). We're so obsessed with that perfect record, that perfect resume, the perfect connections, and the perfect college experience (complete with aforementioned social life and love life), that we forget who we are. Even more ironic, we came here to fix problems in the world and instead obsess over problems with ourselves.

To put it succinctly, just chill. Do what you can, give your best, and prioritize. We are made for multitasking (specialization is for cells, peeps) but no one person can do it all. If you fail, acknowledge it, atone for it, and move on. Ask for help when you need it. Accept defeat as it comes. Don't forget the people who love you. Yes, I promise, at least one person in the world loves you, so don't give me any crap about it. And don't eat worms, either. They're gross.

And, if I have to hear you complain because you got an A- and you think your professor hates you, I'm gonna give you something else to complain about. They're worse things in the world like climate change, world hunger and Justin Bieber. So please, cool it and think for a second.

Emotions and Explosions

2011-04-23T05:47:00.001-07:00

I am an emotional person. I'll admit, though, I don't like to be. I like to be the tough, snarky girl who doesn't cry. I'll sit through Braveheart and Finding Neverland with a steely gaze. I've always been known to keep stuff inside (to the point of explosion). I hide emotionally because I'm not good at it. I was always the weak one, the one who needed physical therapy and who was sensitive to bullying (for the latter, I felt like it was my fault. Yeah, by the way, that's bullshit, but people have no spine). Then, things happened and, as mentioned in my Take Back the Night post, adults didn't respond to me, so I virtually shut down until my freshman year of college. Things have gotten better and I've found more of a balance. At the same time, this semester has been a crazy outpouring of emotions. I'm able to control it during school and work. My friends and boyfriend, however, have had to deal with flash floods as a result of Hurricane Katie.

I know why it is. It's my last semester of school. I've been loaded with work and I haven't felt motivated to do it(no worries, it's getting done, but it's a battle of wills. Prof always beats me). That's a combination of feeling overwhelmed and guilty. I have to move out in a week and a half. I graduate school in just over two weeks. I'm moving to a part of the country I have little experience with. I'm saying goodbye to friends. I didn't expect to get into a serious relationship but I am and I'm dealing with that, as well as a subsequent meeting of the parents. I still have to work, at a job I don't particularly enjoy, but I'm trying to be thankful for some short term employment. To put it lightly, it's a lot.

I know I don't have to deal with every single thing right this second. I know I'm just tired. I know I'm not alone. I know I'll be so relieved/happy/excited when I walk across the stage. I know my dad's not going to buy a gun and threaten my boy with, "You make her cry and I'll make you cry" (not so sure about my grandpa.......;-) And my girlfriends DID ask if they can still keep their baseball bats.....). I know I'm going to do fine in school without harm to my GPA and that it doesn't matter as much (not letting it all slide but you know). I have had several friends move around and I know people will come and go in my life as they are meant to. I know this.

Despite knowing this, that's what I'm feeling and I'm OK with that.

Now, time for P90X. Then, back to the grind until church and a subsequent Easter party. Because there ain't no party like a Catholic party and the Catholic party don't stop! :D

Why, Indiana?

2011-04-17T05:58:00.001-07:00

According to this, a woman in indiana was recently thrown in prison for murder. What was the dasatardly deed she committed? She tried to commit suicide. She was imprisoned? Well, little fact. She was pregnant. Bei Bei Shuai tried to kill herself around Christmastime last year when her boyfriend and the father of her baby went back on all his promises. He had promised to marry her, had told her he was divorced, only to later reveal that he was still married and that he intended to go back to his family. In a moment of recklessness, she bought rat poison and took it (didn't work). Later on, while driving through a friend's neighborhood, she ran into a friend and her husband and confided in them about her suicide attempt. They took her to the hospital and she received medical care. Unfortunately, while she recovered, her daughter died a day after she was born. Shuai was extremely distraught by this and spent a month in the hospital, grieving. She ended up going back to her life, only to find out that doctors had notified the authorities and that she would be charged with murder. People would say, well, she's selfish, she tried to kill herself while she was pregnant! However, here's a problem. Most people who commit suicide are not in the right frame of mind when they do so. As evidenced by Shuai's reaction, she wasn't even thinking of her pregnancy when she made an impulsive decision to take rat poison. Further, she ultimately chose to accept help, to save her life and the child's and it was under a doctor's advice that she took her daughter off life support. So, if a pregnant woman attempts suicide but decides to change her mind, that's when she should be charged? Also, I wonder how many of those same people would say that she should have had an abortion or at least gave up her rights as a parent if she was going to attempt to do so. This also disturbs me because it makes the assumption that pregnant women do not have the same rights as others and should be punished harshly for behaviors that others would merely be judged for. For example, if a woman is addicted to drugs, she could be charged with child endangerment in some states, even if she told a doctor out of request for help. As many rehab centers don't accept pregnant women, her treatment options are already limited and withdrawal may in some cases be more dangerous for her and the baby. In other states, lawmakers are trying to make it mandatory for women to report miscarriages to the cops, regardless of the fact that doctors themselves don't even know what causes them. These laws don't ultimately protect unborn children. What they do instead is to deter pregnant women from seeking medical treatment if they fear arrest. Women with drug problems won't seek treatment, women with suicidal tendencies may ultimately ending their own lives instead of seeking help, and women who lose their babies may not go to the hospital, even with complications. What these laws ultimately accomplish is turning pregnant women into second class citizens. As a result, both women and children pay the price.

I need to do something

2011-04-14T12:18:00.001-07:00

Everywhere I look, something explodes.

Around me, I see youth revolting against oppressive regimes. I see them come together, armed with a greater education and tech savvy, willing to do what it takes to topple oppression.

I see my own government become more repressive, making itself a slave to corporations and in turn, enslaving us. I see my rights as a woman, my opportunities as a youth, being bartered over an excuse to "cut spending." I see my media, once a watchdog, now made into a docile lapdog of the wealthy, no matter their political slant.

I see my own Church leaders forgetting their mission, their obligation, to social justice when it's not politically convenient. Whether it's child abuse (that they're only now starting to fight) or a governor's desire to cut funding for medical care, I see them turning their backs on their obligation, their own clerics, and their own people.

I see my environment made worse. I worry about the water I drink, whether it's tap water with carcinogens or bottled water of questionable origins. I worry about the food I eat, wondering if it, too, is poison.

I come into an economy that doesn't seem to want me, regardless of my education and skills.

I see my society become disconnected from each other. Young and old, rich and poor, we separate. Once thought to love, support and help each other, we fight, each trying to protect our gains.

I want to do something.

I need to do something.

Assault: Where Personal Meets Political

2011-04-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!! If you cannot handle content that deals with sexual harassment, sexual assault, or rape (yes, their is a difference between the last two), do not read this. Also, Mom and Dad, if you are reading this, you may not want to as, yes, this is a personal account.

OK, warning aside. Now for the reason. Tonight, on campus, they are holding the annual Take Back the Night event, a night to raise awareness about sexual assault, domestic violence and rape through A) noisemaking and a march through campus and B) sharing of testimonies. It's a very powerful event and one I've had the honor of taking part in. I would be there tonight, if it weren't for a term paper plus a couple computer codes.

I have always been passionate about these issues but it was not simply because I want to make the world better. The reason I am passionate is because these issues have actually touched me, literally and otherwise. While, thankfully, I have not been raped, I have escaped multiple times on pure dumb luck alone. At the same time, incidents do leave wounds. These wounds have, for the most part, healed, but they have left some scars.

When I was a little girl, I was bullied quite a bit. I had some bad habits, big teeth, a skinny, small body, and a sensitive personality. I didn't have a lot of friends and, for a long time, HATED going to school. Most of it was verbal until middle school. Then, in gym class, I noticed it became physical and sexual. I remember being slapped multiple times on the back in one gym class by a boy I liked, grabbed in the chest during games of tag (I developed early and it happened multiple times), called names like "bitch", and was made fun of when I asked a question during a sexual harassment presentation, simply because I was trying to figure out whether I should tell someone.

Later, knowing how innocent I was, kids would draw dirty pictures and show them to me, to see if I knew what it was and ask me detailed questions about what I knew about sex or if I was a virgin or a lesbian. My freshman year of high school, a guy who was much older pursued me quite a bit, to the point of being annoying, and tried to solicit oral sex from me (I didn't even know the terminology used until I looked it up and was horrified). My teacher told higher authorities, who called me into the office. I told the truth, was promised it would stay confidential, only to have my name leaked to the kid who was doing this to me. Luckily, there was no retaliation, but I was scarred by the whole experience. To this day, that was probably the greatest betrayal of my life.

When I was sixteen, I had a lot of friends but still kept to myself quite a bit. I didn't feel I had people to really talk to. One day, I was hanging out by myself (I stayed after school for a club meeting and was waiting for my mom to pick me up) when an older guy asked if I'd show him a classroom, because he was looking for a job. After school hours? I should have known better but, being the naive, overly nice girl I was at the time, showed him around. Well, that was NOT his intention at all. I got scared. Luckily, when I did, he didn't try anything physical and simply left me. Later, when my mom picked me up and gave me a lecture of not staying too long when I don't have anything else to do, it hit me how horribly lucky I was. That one kept me silent for years.

That wasn't the scariest. The scariest was when I went to a bar. I needed to use the ladies' room. When I left the ladies' room, I found myself pulled into the mens' room with my hands pressed against the wall and a lecherous grin in my face. I screamed and shouted as many obscenities as I could. Thankfully, another guy heard and pulled the dude off of me, while pushing me out of the mens' room. I didn't let myself react after that (and admittedly was quite cavalier about it) because I remembered all my friends and loved ones who were raped and reminded myself it could have been worse.

None of these happened when I was drunk (even at the bar, I had one beer). None of these happened due to what I was wearing (and I mean, come on. I was eleven or twelve when some of it started). None of these happened because I had sex before or was a sex worker. None of these happened because I started to have sex and then changed my mind. And, even if any and all of those were true, it SHOULDN'T MATTER! You don't refuse to prosecute a burglar because the owner left their house unlocked. Let me tell you something: people break into houses with locked doors and people rape women when they do everything to be safe (and sometimes, break into aforementioned house to do so, or they live in the same house because their an abusive spouse or family member). We need to start treating rape and assault like crimes, not gossip, not jokes.

I am OK. I am horrendously lucky that none of these turned into a situation that could have had drastic consequences both physically and psychologically. However, they did leave scars. Even today, I have a hard time trusting men I don't know very well, especially if I can't read their intentions. Anytime people mention "sexual assault", my back is already against the wall. And, if someone jokes about rape, it's all I can do to NOT introduce them to God in person. I'm lucky I haven't been raped. I know this. I'm lucky I have a kind, respectful, gentle partner who would die before he dreamed of hurting me and a posse of people who would probably kill anyone who tried. At the same time, all these incidents have changed me.

Assault is not OK. Harassment is not OK. Rape is not OK and hitting people (unless they're striking you or someone else) is not OK. Rape isn't a joke you can wear on a T-shirt . It's one of the greatest acts of betrayal because you no longer feel safe in your body. It is one of the worst forms of dehumanization and is sadly one of those crimes that often goes unpunished. While we must work to create a peaceful society and foster an attitude of forgiveness, none of this comes without justice. Justice does not come until we see each other as equal human beings, endowed with dignity by our Creator. Let's fight for this for everyone. Thousands of years of human history have been long enough.

"Sweetie, You're So Young!" Bite Me............

2011-04-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

If I never have to hear the quoted part of my post title again, I will be a very happy woman. It seems that, because I'm on the precipice of graduation, everyone feels the need to give me advice. Some of it is genuinely helpful. Others is unwanted, unnecessary and downright condescending. I understand that I'm young and I have my whole life ahead of me. At the same time, I am a woman with agency, legal standing, and experience and I don't want that discounted.

By bare bones legal definitions, I am an adult. I am over eighteen, so I am considered responsible enough to carry a gun, vote, get married, sign a lease, have consensual sex, pay taxes, be employed full time, sign my own waivers and serve in either the Armed Forces or the Peace Corps. I am over twenty-one, so I am also considered responsible enough to drink alcohol, gamble, and carry a credit card. This is only the legal aspect. I am also an adult by experience.

How am I an adult by experience? I made the choice to go to school far from home. During the time I've been in college, I have held down a job (working nearly full time hours), paid my own bills, paid taxes, traveled by myself both domestically and internationally, lived overseas, made professional networks and gathered experience, and have signed my own leases (without a guarantor). I've escaped potentially dangerous situations in the nick of time, made mistakes, developed relationships and made my own decisions. Even with my more spontaneous decisions, I've managed to make ones that worked for me and learn from the ones I didn't. While I may not be fully developed as a person (who among us is?), I can say I know myself pretty well and I go after what I want.

So, no, I don't want to hear some condescending comment about how young I am and how I still either don't know anything or should not be taken seriously. At this point, age isn't more than a number and I've seen people twice my age act much younger than their years (for better or for worse). I may be young but I am strong and I need to learn for myself. I may fall but I won't break until it's time for me to die. Advice is good but I'm not a five-year-old. I'm an adult who can decide her own future. Please talk to me accordingly.

Playing with Possibilities

2011-03-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

I graduate in just over a month. Pause while I freak out.

OK, freak out over.

I know what I'm doing this fall. I'll be volunteering with Americorps in a program called City Year, one that focuses on tutoring and mentoring children in under-served areas. My placement is in Little Rock, Arkansas and I'm both excited and nervous. I'll be in DC till July, so that I can earn extra cash (to put down my security deposit and first month's rent) and have my last hurrah. It runs from August till June, so we'll see what happens. I realized how much I loved working with children and young people when I was in Kenya, so this seems like a perfect fit.

It's funny because it just hit me how much life I have ahead of me. It's not like turning eighteen, when you're considered an adult in the loose sense of the term but you don't really feel like one yet. At almost 22, however, it feels real. In the last four years, I've held down a job, completed two internships, lived in Kenya, paid my own rent, made a ton of mistakes, networked, questioned my faith, fell in love, and made amazing, lifelong friends. Now, I see a variety of dreams, opportunities, and possibilities.

I almost wonder, what will happen after City Year? I do hope to go back to DC, maybe work a few years. I kind of wonder. Will I go abroad for an extended period? Get my Master's? In what? Theology, Economics, or International Relations? Go for a Ph.d? Where will I work? Will I move back to DC? To NYC? Will I be a policy wonk? A teacher? A youth minister?

It's not fear anymore. I'm genuinely excited to see how my life will turn out. I know now that it's my choice at this point. It kind of reminds me of that quote on Braveheart, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." I hope I always remember to have that courage.

"But I'm an Adult!"

2011-03-24T06:37:00.000-07:00

Many of my friends have been negatively affected by the economy and, as such, had to move in with their parents for a brief period (luckily, most of them are now out and on their own). One thing they always complained about was not being able to stay out late or bringing dates home. I said, "Well, it's their house." "But we're adults!" a friend responded.

Yes, moving back in with your parents after you've gone away to school-especially if you paid for your own apartment or studied abroad-sucks. You don't want them to see you as the kid they've known for eighteen years. You want to be treated with respect and seen as more of a friend or at least have them play more of a mentor role in your life. You're doing it because you have to, not because you necessarily want to, because you need a place while you look for jobs and save money to move out. You still want to be able to live the life you've been living for the last four years.

At the same time, I can understand the parents' point of view. They're not always trying to treat you like a kid. Rather, the whole staying out late/bringing people home may be more of a courtesy thing. If your parents have to be up early to go to work or are light sleepers, they may not want to hear someone rolling in at 2 AM. Bringing dates home may fly in the face of their morals (which they have a right to enforce in their own house) or may make them feel vulnerable (you're bringing home someone they don't know, who may steal their stuff for all they know). They may expect help with the chores or minor rent payments, as a sign of responsibility.

Neither side is perfect and that aspect of transition is a tough time. Don't make it harder by demanding your own way in the face of their feelings. It's their house. After legal adulthood/paying for school, they may feel they're doing you a kindness by letting you come home for a brief period. If you go in with that understanding, you can make your stay a pleasant one.

HUNGER for Righteousness

2011-03-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

I've been fasting. It's hard. It's hard to ignore that growl in my stomach, that intense craving for delicious food. It's hard to ignore my heightened sense of smell for all things delicious. It's hard to ignore the pain in my head that tells me this isn't right. It's hard to not pray for the sun to sleep so I can fulfill my craving.

It's funny because, in the New Testament, Jesus says, "Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness." Reading that on a normal day, I can appreciate the sentiments on a more shallow level. Now, though, I feel I can understand it a bit more.

"Blessed are those who HUNGER and thirst for righteousness." Hunger is painful! Yet righteousness and justice are sorely lacking on this planet. Everywhere in the world, people are starving, thirsting, for physical food and water while a small percentage makes millions off of their sweat. Everywhere in the world, fertile land is made barren by others' greed and we lose not only the Earth's beauty but its ability to feed the planet. Everywhere in the world, people put each other on the same level as the commodities they purchase. Yet, where is this intense hunger for change?

Our hunger for righteousness should be hard to ignore, like the growling in our stomachs. Our hunger for righteousness should be a warning sign that something isn't right, like a hunger headache. Our hunger for righteousness should give us a heightened sense of smell for injustice, like the heightened sense of smell for food. More importantly, our hunger for righteousness should give us a longing to make the world a better place.

Once you feel the pains of hunger, you have no choice but to act upon it. Let our hunger for justice be strong so that our work can make us full!

Fasting

2011-03-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

For Lent, three of us girls plus my boyfriend all decided to try something. We decided to take the idea of fasting for Ramadan and apply it to Lent (one of my girl friends was raised by both a Catholic mother and Muslim father). We decided to wait till after the break (wanting to enjoy meals with families) so today is day one. I had done a Catholic fast for Ash Wednesday (one full meal, two lesser meals, plus water) and abstained from meat on Friday but I wanted to see what it would be like to go without food for thirteen hours. So, with a couple modifications (no fasting on Sundays, as they're feast days for Catholics, and no forgoing water, as I have had health issues), I started.

It doesn't feel too hard for the first couple of hours. I start feeling a bit hungry, but it's easy to ignore. I feel a bit slower but in a good way. I feel I can take moments at a leisurely pace and I feel peaceful, spiritual. I realize that I don't need to constantly be snacking on something. I tend to eat a lot, many times out of sheer boredom, the need to have something in my hands, or because there's a lot of food and I don't want to waste it. At the same time, I feel this inability to master my appetite. Part of it comes from always being told I was too skinny and feeling the need to prove that I'm not an anorexic (that stuff stays with you when you're a little kid). Another part is I just love food. So this kind of freedom has proven I can master my desires.

After awhile, it hurts. It's hard to concentrate. My stomach gnaws at me. Everything feels tedious and time feels like it takes forever. I want nothing more than for the sun to go down right now. I said a rosary and it felt boring to me. It bugs me that I have to wait about three hours from now before I can break fast. On top of it, I really have to focus on homework. At the same time, I don't want people to see grouchy, hungry Katie. I want them to see a happy Katie, one who genuinely is trying to become a better person.

That's when I realized that this is the point. The whole point of fasting is that it's painful and challenging. The challenge is, are you going to master your hunger? Or, will you let it master you instead? Will you give in to the temptation to snack? Or will you hold out just a bit longer, saying a prayer for strength and focusing your mind on other things?

People may think I'm crazy for doing something that seems so extreme, even in the eyes of other devout, practicing Catholics I know. On the other hand, is it really that crazy? We live in a society where people are slaves to their desires. People overeat, drink too much, have promiscuous sex, consume houses, cars, shoes and other things they can't even afford, and they forget about other people. We don't even know whether the people who make our products earn a living wage, the people we sleep with are looking for something deeper, or whether the food we eat is even beneficial to our bodies. And the thing is, we don't even care. It's all about us.

To me, it's especially poignant because my career goals all have to do with ending poverty and fighting for human rights. How can I fight for justice and work to end those things that enslave others when I can't even free myself? How can I work for change in this world when I can't even change myself.

Fasting does not automatically make you a better person. Rather, it's the attitude that brings it out. If you can beat the obstacles of fasting, you can fight other urges that are much more destructive. If you can take it as a time to slow down and clear your mind of all that isn't necessary at that moment, you will be able to think clearly when it counts, when you are already nourished. If you can take it as a time to be grateful for food, especially when so many of the world go hungry, you'll be more sympathetic to the plight of those who have little.

Fasting is not fun. It's not sexy. It's not that glorious. Yet I find it to be a necessary ingredient to our humanity. Even if you cannot fast from food, you can fast from something else (Facebook, chocolate, sex, etc). It's hard to resist temptations. At the same time, becoming masters of those temptations is how we become better people.

What would it look like if everyone fasted for one day? What would it look like if we not only fasted from material things, but also fasted from our negative actions? What would humanity look like if we did that?

Venting

2011-03-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

I talk a lot. Women, when we're together, will DEFINITELY talk a lot. We'll talk about all kinds of things but one thing I notice we talk about is our relationships. Our friendships, our romantic companions/spouses, kids (if applicable), our work relationships, we discuss everything. It IS good in a sense, to be able to talk about our lives and share ideas about how to surprise loved ones and how to navigate difficult relationships. However, one positive act of this can become quite negative. Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about venting.

Venting should be a healthy way to expel negative emotions. We need to be able to talk about bad things in our lives so that we don't turn everything inward and become self-destructive. We need to have close friends, people we trust, to be able to do it. However, I've noticed, with myself and with others, that our venting can become destructive. With our words, we have the power to tear someone down and completely vilify them in a way that does not suit their offense. I'm not talking about domestic violence issues (btw, if that applies to you, PLEASE tell). I'm talking about how someone you care about does something that pisses you off and, even before you bring it up with them, you tell all your friends. Naturally, knowing you and having loyalties, your friends will take your side. Then, you end up patching things up with the person but your friends have this picture of him or her as the bad guy.

How we think of people influences how we treat them. Supposing your friend or partner is not a bad person but, like we all do, just pissed you off in one instant, it isn't fair to him or her to have people they may not even know judging them harshly simply because you didn't feel the need to tell THEM you had a problem with them before you told all your friends. In my faith, under the sin of lying, we also consider it a sin to disclose the faults of others without grave reason (such as an abusive situation). Also, if these are the people we love, why are we tearing them down behind their backs? Isn't love about building other people up, for better or for worse?

I say this because I've learned how destructive I can be with my own words. Physical wounds can heal without memories of pain. Words, however, can wound for life. The worst injuries we receive are the ones we cannot see. Let's use our words to bring about positive change and take some negative energy out of this world!

Ash Wednesday

2011-03-09T05:23:00.000-08:00

Today marks the beginning of Lent, of 40 days of fasting, prayer and almsgiving, to remind us of the 40 days Jesus spent in the desert, resisting temptation. The conclusion of Lent will come with Palm Sunday and the beginning of Holy Week, when we remember Jesus' Last Supper, death, and Resurrection. Today, however, you will see many Christians, both Catholic and Protestant, receiving ashes. There is a bit of irony in this. You see, we receive ashes to show that we have sinned, to remind us of our fallen state, and to encourage us to grow in faith. Yet even non-practicing Christians will show up in droves to church to get their ashes. Of course, I am not supposed to judge but it does puzzle me a bit. It's almost a mark of pride when it should be a mark of humility.

For Catholics, we are required to fast, allowing only for one full meal with maybe two small snacks if anything else. Other than that, we are only allowed water and the meal we do have cannot have meat in it (fish is OK). Of course, there are exceptions, like you are only required if you are between 18 and 59 and in good health. Pregnant and nursing women are exempt. In our faith, which is huge on solidarity, the idea is to pray for those who are hungry and to take the money you would have spent on your own food to pay for a hungry person's meal.

For me, fasting is a difficult exercise. Blessed with a high metabolism and Italian relatives and neighbors who always tell me I'm too skinny and need to eat more, I go crazy when I can't even have a snack. To top it off, I've always ended up working on Ash Wednesday and working at restaurant does surround one with temptation. However, after living in Kenya and working with energetic children (many of whom only had one full meal and a meager breakfast, usually only because their school provided it), I find a need to connect with my brothers and sisters who don't have enough. For me, it's not only a spiritual purification (one that encourages me to smile through the pain and offer my hunger to God, to help me avoid sin), it's an exercise in solidarity as well as self-control.

We are a society that believes in instant gratification and justifies selfishness. What would it look like if we took a day to deny ourselves? And, in that act of denying ourselves, chose to smile through it and reach out to other people? What would it look like if the entire world did it? After all, doesn't it start with us on some level?

One of my friends in Kenya goes hungry. Every day, she struggles on a dollar a day to take care of two children (one hers and the other, an adopted nephew) after leaving an abusive husband. Despite this, she also took me in one night when it was too late to go home safely. She always fed me an abundance of food each time I went to her house. Though I have not her contact information, I still carry her kindness. Is it too much to ask me to go without for one day and give what I would have had to someone who goes without for life? And is it too much to ask me to not complain but to give with a smile?

Peace be with you all, of all faiths. And strength to those who fast today!

Politics scare me.............

2011-03-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

So, in the past week, I have learned that the GOP is at it again, this time with bills that could ultimately prevent young people from voting and could give women the death penalty for having miscarriages or procuring abortions. While these are local bills (one in New Hampshire, the other in Georgia), these really scare me. As a woman and as a youth, I'm starting to see my rights rolled back, piece by piece.

First of all, I may be young and not completely financially independent, but does that mean I should lose my right to suffrage? Does this mean I, who have lobbied my Congressman, who have paid my rent, who's lived overseas, should not have ANY political standing whatsoever? What about MY rights, about issues that affect me? Like, financial aid from the government, the draft, my right to participate in my government, my right to own a weapon, my right to have a good time with my friends, hell, my right to marry or move out? What about the fact that I could still be tried as an adult, regardless of whether or not I'm considered one? So, you want to use my boys for service and would consider me old enough to put to death, but you don't want us to have any say in it?

Second, the death penalty? For losing a baby? Rep Franklin, you outta your freakin' mind? Or did you miss school the day they handed out sensitivity? Miscarriages are NOT FUN for women. By the way, neither are abortions. We KNOW it's a baby. It's a painful, difficult decision that most of us hope to NEVER have to make. Do you think it's fun for women (mostly young) to feel like they're not only having a particularly bad period but to know that they're losing a baby in the process? Or, if that baby was very much wanted, to know that they won't survive through birth and, by the way, their own lives/health are on the line? Or, if they already have a child, to struggle between keeping this one or being able to bring up the other child with a shot of escaping poverty? Or to relive memories of a rape all over again? So, you would condemn women to death because we lost a child? Or felt our hands were tied behind our backs? Really? Do you hate women, Rep Franklin?

Young people have fought and DIED for freedom, certainly here and certainly elsewhere. Women all over this country and throughout the world take on most of the burden to keep societies going. Why, oh, WHY does my country, the very nation that cries, "Freedom!" hold us in such contempt?

Boy Advice.........

2011-03-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

It may seem funny that I start giving advice to my single friends (usually to stay single) right AFTER I end up in a relationship. However, looking back over the last month (!), I have been able to understand why, after nearly four years of relative singlehood, I finally feel comfortable in a relationship. For me, I needed those years of being single to honestly analyze my values, explore my talents, develop my friendships, and take travel/academic/career opportunities. I needed that time to learn to be comfortable by myself, to understand that it's only by following my God and learning what I can give to the world that can make me happy.

For many (heterosexual) girls I know, that isn't the case. I've seen so many end up in long term relationships that end up stuck in dead ends, but have been in them so long they're so afraid of leaving. I have friends I've known for years and can name one partner for each year. I have friends who date guys they KNOW aren't good for them but because the guy knows how to smooth talk them to death. I have friends who give up opportunities like studying abroad because they're afraid of leaving said boy. Really, ladies?

You see, when I first came to college, I was just getting out of a relationship. It was long distance, long term, with little communication and nothing other than a FB declaration to prove that we were together. Really, it was time to get out but I still was hurt. At the time, I was a very naive freshman, may have been book smart but definitely not street smart. Luckily, I had older friends who were willing to show me the way. On top of that, they helped me when I realized I had some emotional trauma I needed to deal with. To put it lightly, freshman year, especially spring semester, was a tough year for me and I lost a lot of confidence in myself, academically (burnt out of a premed program) and otherwise. That would NOT have been the time to enter into a new relationship. I would have dragged the poor schmuck down with me.

Sophomore year, I started rebuilding. I got my first job. I earned all A's and found the major that was truly right for me. I started looking for internships and had a really successful one. I spent a week in Cherokee Nation. I got an even better job and was able to move off campus summer before junior year. Junior year, I took up a minor in economics and started considering study abroad. Senior year, with the help of those who love me and a ton of work, I went to Kenya. Within that time, I learned how to stand up for myself, developed lasting friendships, and went on some amazing adventures. And this fall, I'm going to AR for Americorps, to tutor children and youth.

Why do I point this out? Because, senior year, I also finally entered into a relationship with someone who shares my values, is good to me, and encourages my dreams, even if it means we have to be apart from each other this fall. I was able to enter into this, because I now have confidence and strength I did not have four years ago. I was able to bring happiness into a relationship. We also have been willing to discuss difficult things, things couples usually neglect to talk about, for fear of driving the other away (even if it means a discussion of values). It's still very new to me, but, regardless of what happens, I know I won't break. Even if we don't make it, I know I won't lose myself in the process. And, if we do, well, I waited for someone good and that's all that matters.

There is a lot of value in finding yourself first. Love isn't a game. It's a choice and a willingness to die for someone if need be. You have to be strong and whole to make that choice. After all, wouldn't you want someone to do likewise for you?

Decisions

2011-03-04T11:05:00.000-08:00

We teach our kids that they can be anything they want to be. We encourage them to go far in school, to take every opportunity and to conquer the world. We teach them that they're brilliant, special, and that they deserve so many things. But do we teach them to make adult decisions?

You see, we send kids off to college, with the expectations that they will figure things out. But is that the right way? What would it look like if, instead, we had kids truly explore different career options, brought in trade school representatives and brought in real networks for gap year programs (instead of just paying lip service), and honestly validated any career aspirations they might have? Why not give them an idea of what their futures could look like, rather than pouring expectations down their throat, expecting them to "find themselves?" Why not give them the ability to decide whether or not academia is truly for them rather than attach those futures to our checkbooks and their lack of financial independence?

With that, why don't we encourage kids to start commandeering their own finances? Why not encourage them to start their own lemonade stands, dog walking services, and do extra chores for that iPhone? Why not encourage them, when they're older, to take that CPR class so they can babysit or really push them to get a summer job as soon as they're old enough. With that, why don't we teach them how to budget and save and allow them to make their own mistakes with money (provided nothing illegal or immoral)? Why don't we give our children the message that they can control their own futures with their pocket books and give them the tools to be responsible for themselves?

Why don't we encourage kids to own their own faith, instead handing them religious coloring books and promising it's "all over" after their Confirmation or Bar/Bat Mitzvah? Why don't we encourage them to ask questions and have serious conversations with them about the various scriptures we read? Why don't we encourage their curiosity about God, rather than freak out about their supposed asceticism? Why don't we give them practical applications for faith, such as opportunities to serve other people, to lead a community, to take their work seriously, and to build lasting relationships? Why don't we encourage them to question, at least so they can gain a deeper understanding or be honest with themselves (and God) about what they believe?

And, while I'm thinking of it, why don't we teach kids to take control of romantic relationships? Why don't we encourage them to see behind their companions lovely eyes and smile straight into the heart? Why don't we encourage them to honestly consider what they want in a partner, as they should consider their careers and general life directions? Why don't we encourage them to focus on becoming the person they want to be, rather than the person a supposed significant other would want them to be? And why don't we encourage them to consider serious decisions such as marriage and family when they themselves are ready (whether that be early twenties or late thirties), rather than when they've got their first child's college fund already saved?

A twenty-two year old adult should be able to function as an adult. By this point, we're above the age of majority and probably have made our own mistakes. Even if we can't see the next 80-odd years crystal clearly, we should be able to stand on our own, make responsible choices and take control of our futures. We may be young but that should not equal powerless. We also have strength, vigor, and intelligence. If we can take care of ourselves, we can take care of the world. Let's go after it.

Real Men

2011-03-04T07:25:00.001-08:00

What is a real man? I'll tell you, he's not a macho stud-muffin who gets his way by aggression and domination. A real man doesn't consider women trophies, on a par with fancy new cars and big houses. A real man doesn't terrorize other men, simply because they also do not meet the same standard of manhood and masculinity (whether by personality or sexual preference). A real man doesn't treat the vulnerable as obstacles to his success.

OK, Katie, what is a real man? What does one do?

A real man is assertive without being aggressive. He understands that aggression is only meant for life threatening situations, not because the restaurant doesn't have plastic bags.

A real man genuinely listens to others and tries to contribute to society in positive ways.

A real man is secure in who he is and doesn't need a list of sexual partners to prove himself.

A real man is attentive to his companion and does not pressure them into anything that makes them uncomfortable.

A real man would rather die than lead his beloved into harm (physical or spiritual).

A real man is generous and humble and does not consider certain tasks as beneath him.

A real man seeks truth and goodness and constantly considers the consequences of his actions.

A real man believes there is such a thing as fidelity.

A real man sees women as sisters and friends, not commodities.

A real man encourages the people in his life to go after their talents, regardless of gendered expectations.

A real man knows that strength is for healing and protecting, not hurting. He also knows that women can be strong, physically and otherwise.

A real man looks at the heart more than the face.

A real man has integrity and stands his ground for what he believes in.

And if you tell me to my face that one doesn't exist, I'm gonna tell you you're dead wrong. Because I have one. So there.

Why the emphasis on "commodity" dating?

2011-03-03T08:23:00.000-08:00

Our society is so commodity based it's not even funny. We've been encouraged to treat values, relationships and important life decisions as if we're picking a new pair of shoes. It's to the point where people don't even know what's right anymore, rather, we always second-guess ourselves and don't want to make commitments to anything. The sad thing is, it carries over into our romantic lives in a huge way. Your SO is almost an accessory and, when they stop making you look good and feel good, it's time to find another. Of course, we even tell young people, "Don't settle for this one. Shop around." Shop around? Really? How does that prepare you for the rest of your life?

It doesn't.

First, most of us hope for monogamous marriages. Part of being in a monogamous marriage includes forsaking all others. So the idea of "looking for someone better" in terms of dating doesn't really help much. It doesn't prepare you to love one person, regardless of their flaws, regardless of how you fail each other (of course, excluding huge sins of adultery or abuse), regardless of whether or not you constantly have butterflies in your stomach. Dressing up for every single encounter doesn't prepare you for each other when you are sick, tired, grouchy, when your hair is a mess and all you want to do is wear sweats, curl up in a corner and die. Constantly covering up important values because you're so concerned with impressing the other person doesn't prepare you for those much needed talks on finances, children, in-laws, and sex. Constant dating may give you something to do. It won't bring you intimacy.

Second, because we're told to constantly date, yet not get married until we've saved for retirement (HA HA HA!!!! In this economy), I've seen so many girl friends get caught up in a cycle of serious boyfriend after serious boyfriend. They don't even know who they are by themselves. Rather than think honestly about what they would want from a husband as they would about a career or educational opportunity, they willingly let others sweep them off their feet and define their worth by whomever is on their arm. I mean, it's one thing to date because you think there is something deep but it doesn't work. It's quite another to have had a serious boyfriend every year from before you even started your college applications. If you're that insecure about yourself, how can you trust your ability to truly love someone (for better or for worse) until one of you dies?

Honestly, if you want a lifelong companion, that involves carefully considering the traits you would want in a spouse. That does not include looks, the size of their bank account, or the ability to knock your socks off with every single kiss. That includes traits of integrity and character, a sharing of values, compatible personalities, and a willingness to fight for each other so long as God wills you together. And they usually come when you're not seeking. People are gifts, not objects. Perhaps more marriages would be successful if people realized this.

Traditional Morals, Liberal Politics

2011-03-01T06:02:00.001-08:00

I am known among friends as the traditional Catholic. I do attend Mass every Sunday and holy day, I pray, I consider my faith a huge priority in my life, and find it does drive me to be better. This also carries into my romantic life, as I still have not engaged in sexual contact and have become more firm in my belief to wait till marriage (though there were questions and are still struggles). At the same time, politically, I am pretty liberal when it comes to issues of gay marriage and abortion rights. To some, this may seem a huge contradiction and others may even question my validity as a Catholic (of course for those, I was baptized and confirmed a Catholic so I am one till I die, regardless of any sin I commit). So, why the contradiction?

Let me start out by saying that my morals are a choice. That's right. I chose them. No one, certainly not any man, influenced my choice (in fact, my male relatives think I'm too conservative!). And let me say, it's a hard one. Now that I do have a companion, I do understand why people don't wait, but it is out of respect for him (as he and I are on the same page) and myself that I wait. I do encourage others in this, as it takes a lot of strength. But, because it requires strength, I have to understand that not everyone agrees. Especially as I live in a country where people are of different faiths and no faith, I do not believe I can impose my moral choices on someone else. As for the sexuality angle, I have questioned my own extensively and knew how difficult that was. To be honest, I'd rather that two consenting adults commit to each other and run their own families than encourage a culture of promiscuity among all, heterosexual or not. I think sexuality is more of a cultural thing and would find it not only intrusive but dangerous if Congress started legislating our bedrooms (except for needed consent laws).

Now, for the abortion issue, it's been well established that I do not like abortion. I think it is a tragedy but I also understand that most women are not running to the clinic in happiness, getting abortions as they do haircuts. Most are very torn, especially because we all KNOW it's a baby. At the same time, there are many circumstances surrounding it and, as our government and economy fail to recognize that maybe fairer policies toward mothers (you know, paid maternity leave and daycare benefits) could actually help those falling through the cracks, it's no wonder women may need to buy some time. Do I think these women, who are desperate to NOT be pregnant, should be throwing themselves down stairs, perforating their cervices, or taking harmful drugs? No, but that's what does happen when it's illegal. After living in Kenya and learning what happens to women in a country where it is illegal, I could never again believe it should be illegal. If I don't believe in a death penalty, why would I institute one? While I do believe we need to make changes, a lot of them will take a long time. I don't believe we should see the deaths of countless women and girls in the meantime.

I believe that God alone judges human beings for their actions. While there are certain aspects of morality the government should legislate on (not just to prevent corruption, murder, and theft, but to ensure people can make a living and have their freedoms protected), these are not those aspects. I would hate to see my country become a theocracy. I want people to love God on their own, not because the alternative is death or social ostracism. Further, I believe there are other moral problems (like corporate strangleholds and environmental degradation) that all of us of all faiths and no faiths can conquer. Let's direct our fire to making a true change in our society.

Sexual Assault and International Work

2011-02-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure we've all heard of CBS correspondent Lara Logan's sexual assault in Egypt. If you have not, read here. In any case, she was beaten and sexually assaulted for a good half hour before she was saved. It raised anger in me, as a woman, and as someone who's had her own near misses, both in the U.S. and overseas. At the same time, it made me think about a few things, namely the ideas of women traveling and working overseas.

You see, if you're a woman who wants to travel, the first thing people worry about is your safety. Sadly, people will often discourage women from traveling, whether she's backpacking across Europe or working in a developing country. If you do travel and something happens to you, well, you accepted the risks of the job, didn't you? If you're Western, well, you have loose morals anyway, right? This is because, regardless of how "enlightened" our society is, traveling is still not seen as an acceptable "space" for women. The punishment for leaving said space? Well, you shouldn't be surprised if something happens to you!

The sad thing is, rape is a unique exception to risk situations. If a soldier is wounded or dies in battle, he or she is considered a hero. If someone is mugged (regardless of whether they're out or they carelessly left their wallet out in the open), we feel terrible for them and the thief, if caught, will surely be punished. If a woman is raped, we start asking questions. What was she wearing? What was she drinking? How much was she drinking? What time of night was she out? Who was she with? Where was she going? Was she a virgin? Was she married? Is there a war in her area ("Well, rape is a weapon of war anyway!")? Was she conservative/liberal? Was she ever a criminal? We ask questions that are completely irrelevant to the crime that was committed. It doesn't matter that someone dared to force themselves on a woman (which is violence in and of itself), it matters if she somehow did something to "deserve it."

It angers me for two reasons. One, I know a ton of amazing men, as friends, as brothers, as family, and it bothers me that we live in a paradigm that assumes they are no more than wild beasts. I think men are better than that and that truly decent men would stand up and defend everyone's right to feel safe in their bodies. I am blessed to know truly honorable guys who have taken initiative in leading events like "Take Back the Night", who call their buddies on inappropriate jokes and who show that they care for the women in their lives. When this violence is justified as someone else's culture, it also carries a racist element. Having known good Kenyan men in a country where I was often harassed and grabbed helped me to work through an element of prejudice and realize that it is even more crucial for men to step it up, regardless of cultural context.

The other is that, when it comes to work and travel, if it never becomes safe for women, it can impact much of the work we do overseas. For example, when it comes to sexual violence in other countries, women will be more open about their experiences with a female journalist rather than a male. Or, in cases of economic empowerment projects for women, it is much more culturally appropriate for a woman to lead these events. In many countries and cultures, people feel more comfortable if things such as women's education, economic empowerment and women's health were addressed by females. If we cannot do this work because it's considered "too dangerous", who will? Now, I'm not trying to squash local initiatives or say that we Western women are the ones who will save the world but I am trying to point out that, where our expertise and knowledge is requested, we need to be able to provide services in a culturally sensitive manner. For women's issues, they have to be handled by females.

There is no excuse for violence against women. We may face risks that men do not often face but these are risks we face, not only when embarking on great adventures but in our day to day lives. What a sad day it is that, when we do face these risks, we are often branded as the bad girl. In the end, we lose sight of the real heroes among us.

Dear Congress, Corporations and Political Groups

2011-02-16T06:38:00.000-08:00

Leave my health care alone.

I mean it. Unless you are going to help me access good health care, allow my doctor and I to decide my treatment (rather than convenience or my pocket book) or eliminate restrictions that prevent me from making important medical decisions, I want you to butt out.

I should not have to explain an assault in graphic detail to see if it fits your definition of "forcible" rape (rape is always forced, you idiots). I should not have to give personal and private details about aspects of my life just because I want to pick up a prescription. I should not have to listen to lessons on morality from anyone but a clergy member and, even then, at my own discretion. I should not have to get a permission slip to access a safe medical procedure. I should not have to die in an emergency room simply because a hospital deems it "immoral" to treat me.

I am not a second class citizen and will refuse to be treated as such. I have a right to feel safe in my body, should someone threaten me. I have a right to medical treatment if something happens to me. I have a right to be treated like the legal adult I am and to make my own decisions, provided they do not violate the laws of this country.

So, please stay out of my doctor's/midwife's office (unless they're doing something dangerous). And, while you're at it, stay out of my (in my case, marital) bedroom.

Sincerely yours,

A fed up American woman

An A- is "Substandard" in my School.........

2011-02-04T06:45:00.000-08:00

OK, I always knew SIS used grade inflation. How else can you explain the amount of students who graduate Summa cum laude or Magna cum laude? Granted, many students I know who enter SIS are usually overachievers anyway, but still. On top of that, I am almost always amazed by the complaints I hear about professors. "She gave me a 94 instead of a 95!" (overheard in Ward). "My GPA COULD be a 4.0 if only my professor was fair!" "My professor makes it IMPOSSIBLE to get an A!" It is easy to dismiss these as students with egos bigger than their work ethic and a severe misunderstanding of their problems as compared to their studies (usually involving poverty, war, environmental degradation and security threats). However, you know it's worse when you hear your professors say the following about a short assignment, "If I gave you an A-, it was because the work was substandard and, if you really didn't get it, I gave you a B."

I almost died.

I'll admit, I love getting A's and I will work for them. I want to graduate with a stellar GPA too (also to make up for my premed burnout three years ago). I want to get into those awesome grad programs as well. But I grew up with the understanding that A is for "awesome" and an A or A- was reserved for work that was truly excellent. You didn't get an A because you did what your teacher or professor told you to do. You got one because you went above and beyond what they asked you to do. One of my professors actually has a great quote about this, "If you do everything I ask you to do, you will receive a B, a perfectly fine grade for perfectly fine work," and goes on to say that A's are for those who take it further. That's what I always believed. A's are awesome, B's are good, C's are OK, D's are dangerous and F is failing. Apparently, A's are now good and everything else might as well be failing.

I can understand if my professors thought, "Oh, it was the first assignment and most of the work was actually good," but it still bothers me. Have we become a generation so entitled, so forceful, so convinced that we are deserving of all good things that now people are afraid to give us consequences? Have we become like the auto industry, that is, too big to fail? Have we lost our work ethic so much that we have to get the highest marks for merely doing what we're told? Have we lost a sense of responsibility for our actions or lack thereof?

Finally, if we're all graduating with degrees in IR and plans to go into politics, law, economics and other positions of relative power, what does this mean for the world we are serving? Are we going to shirk responsibilities and only do the bare minimum when it comes to the environment or reducing poverty? Will we still expect our gold stars then? If the answer to these is yes, I am truly frightened, not only for my school but for my generation.

"What WILL you do?"

2011-01-30T05:12:00.000-08:00

I found this blog post and thought it was brilliant. This post tells you how to answer the question, "What do you do?" As a graduating college senior, people often ask me, "What WILL you do?" Of course, my mother implied that it may not be very nice to answer with, "How the hell do I know?" so I've been inspired to modify it a little bit. You see, I am graduating with a liberal arts degree (International Studies with a minor in Economics) in a bad economy. I mentioned in a previous post that I may be living off of volunteer stipends for awhile. However, I'm only 21 and realize that people are just curious and don't necessarily expect me to have everything planned till retirement. Here's what the long version looks like.

One: I really want to go back to Africa. I know it may be awhile before I see Kenya again but the classes I took over there and the things I experienced made me curious about the rest of the continent. Africa is much more diverse than our American education gives it credit for. The cultures, the people, the imperialist influences, the music, it's all different. I wouldn't mind doing work in West Africa (of course, this may result in me asking for French lessons for my birthday). Options I have on the table: Tostan, Peace Corps and any Africa organization that I can find. Of course, this would not happen till 2012, due to application processes and, if applicable, the need to raise funds (as well as to perfect any French skills I gain).

Two: I want to do something with youth. I am applying for City Year, a program with Americorps. This would allow me to tutor children and young people as well as to work with youth groups and plan projects. This would be for the coming August up until next June. Of course, I need to hear back from them before I can make any Africa/abroad plans because my departure date depends on my acceptance or rejection from this program. If I do get in, yay. If not, I will look for other opportunities to work with young people during the year I remain in the U.S. Tutoring, volunteering with an organization that works with trafficked girls, and some others come to mind.

Three: I would like to find a way to include music in all of this. I used to do music quite a bit in high school and in college, it stayed dormant. That was, until I realized I could take voice and guitar lessons as part of my credit hours. Then, upon bringing my guitar to Kenya, I realized how much of a role music plays in culture, in livelihoods (for some people), in giving others a voice and how much it brings people together. It factored into many of my encounters with people, my research, and my dealing with culture shock. I don't know how, but I'd like to find a way to keep up. Currently, I still play, I am taking voice lessons again as well as piano, and I sing in my church choir. We'll see. I don't expect to become a pop star (Lord, have mercy) but I do know that music does fit somewhere in the grand scheme of things.

I do know these three things. I also know that I would like to go to Italy at some point for an extended period, provided I come up with funds to do so. I do not mind taking this time to experiment and find out who I am. What I don't want to do is to get locked into a job/career and not end up taking that time. I also don't want to commit to grad school (and more debt) when I'm still not sure what I'd go for (right now, I am thinking either a Master's in Development Management or an M.Div but that's all subject to change). I do not know what the future holds but I'm up for exploration.

How's that for an answer? :D

I hope Egypt makes the switch, soon and more peacefully..............

2011-01-29T13:11:00.000-08:00

Praying for all involved, including a few good people still over there................

Young and Expensive

2011-01-23T06:41:00.000-08:00

After graduating college (especially in this economy), let's face it. Most of us won't be making that much money. They call it a starting salary for a reason and those of us in my field might not see much more than a living stipend while we take opportunities to establish ourselves. At the same time, we feel like we should live lives of kings. With sophisticated clothes, an apartment in downtown DC, fancy restaurants, why shouldn't we take advantage? The problem is, the lifestyles we seek to live are lifestyles we simply cannot afford, at least in this stage of our lives. With small starting salaries (provided we achieve employment), student loan debt, and a high cost of living, it just isn't doable. Something's gotta give.

It just amazes me to see how many young people splurge on everything. Constant shopping sprees, rents close to what they make in a month, take out, restaurants, bar hopping, lattes every morning from Starbucks. Is it any surprise that we're freaking out at the month's end, wondering how we'll pay rent, pay back student loans, get groceries? Forget about saving for retirement, this is paycheck to paycheck plus a credit card! Is it any wonder we don't get to do the things we want to do, like travel more, pay back our loans more quickly, possibly save for a wedding should it come up? We miss out on so many opportunities just because we can't live without our Starbucks and our happy hours. Or because, we HAVE to have our cushy one bedrooms on the Hill instead of sharing a room in Southwest. Does this make any sense?

The thing is, we can't and shouldn't have it all right now. In order to make the big bucks with accompanying lifestyles, we have to work for it (and, for some of us, maybe consider a career change). In the meantime, we can't just blow our money on stupid things. If having your own room is important, that's fine, but live somewhere you don't have to spend most of your earnings on to afford it. If having your morning coffee is important, make it yourself and bring a thermos, or just drink what's in the office. You don't have to blow your money on Starbucks. You don't have to go to expensive places to hang out with your friends (if you do, you need new friends). You don't have to constantly shop to have a nice work wardrobe.

I'm not saying don't ever splurge. We all do on occasion. However, saving is important. You need to have a cushion in case something happens. Like, you lose your job. Or, something happens to you and your insurance won't cover a huge portion of the costs. And it's not too early to think of retirement. If you have a good job, you should put at least a small amount of savings away (and employers will usually match it). Social Security payments just don't cut it anymore and pensions are virtually obsolete. Also, if I ever develop a condition in my old age that makes it impossible for me to work, I'll have wanted to save while young to cover whatever expenses I need. Or, if my kids got in a bad situation (not of their own fault), I'll want to be able to give them some assistance.

Yes, I still intend to have a life of travel and adventure. I understand that I may be living on stipends and part time jobs for awhile as I accomplish my goals and establish myself. It may be a couple years before I can start my retirement fund. In the meantime, I will work hard to not live above my means. I need to take care of myself and to be smart about what I spend. I hope other young people take this to heart.

Will I raise my kids in my faith?

2011-01-20T17:35:00.001-08:00

Most of you know that I was not raised as a Catholic. Rather, I converted into the faith as a teenager, though I had been exposed as a child via Catholic school and various Catholic relatives. Still, my parents ultimately gave me the choice. I have to say, I hold a ton of respect for them for not forcing us into a religion that they couldn't even bring themselves to subscribe to (unfortunately, I've seen that happen to many of my peers). Of course, because I was allowed to have a choice, people ask me if I would extend the same choice to my own children.

I have been conflicted for awhile. You see, I want my kids to be able to appreciate faith and I know I appreciated it because I chose it. However, my parents also chose to raise me with their values (hard work, education, humility, propriety, a willingness to serve, and a willingness to question) and I have to say, if they hadn't, I would not have been able to make the choices I have made. If I brought this attitude of appreciation into the lives of my children, from baptism on, they could very well choose to appreciate faith.

What about the hard questions, questions I still hold? What about when my kids start questioning, particularly if my daughters want to know why they can't be priests or if my kids come out to me? I will tell them what the Church says (and why, people seem to forget that) but that their mom also struggles with these things. I will encourage them to keep studying (from a variety of sources) and keep looking for answers. I will encourage them to pray. If their prayers lead them elsewhere, I will support it, but only if they've honestly sought and studied (not because they want to sleep in on Sunday or play video games all day). I at least want to bring them up with the basic values, traditions and practices of my beliefs so that it serves as a firm foundation for the rest of their lives. And they will KNOW it. Mama Katie will make sure they KNOW what's in the Bible, what's in the Catechism, what Pope Whomever is saying. They're not going to be like the kids who go through Confirmation without knowing even what all seven Sacraments are.

What about the priest scandals? Look, those piss me off as much as they pissed anyone off. And the deflection I saw from the top was enough to make me wanna buy a baseball bat and scare the living daylights out of anyone who even LOOKS at a child inappropriately. It was even more maddening to see my own diocese go through scandal after scandal after scandal. What were they THINKING??? At the same time, they are also in danger of abuse from teachers, from relatives, from family friends, from strangers. Let's face it, it's downright terrifying to be a parent sometimes. What I can do is educate my children that, if someone says something to them or touches them in ways that make them feel uncomfortable, they are to tell me immediately. That they don't have to worry about protecting the other person, that we will do everything to keep them safe. That includes, ESPECIALLY includes, those who have a hand in the spiritual formation of my kids.

All in all, I want my kids to grow up knowing that faith in SOMETHING is important. They need something that grounds them, centers them, and something they can turn to in all aspects of life. I can at least give them the basics. When they're older, the rest is up to them (and God).

What'ya gonna do when life comes for you?

2011-01-20T09:52:00.001-08:00

Excuse me for the Cops reference. All I can say is that life is coming and it's coming quick. I will be turning 22 this year, graduating college and trying to figure out at least the next couple of years. It is hard to believe that I am graduating. It feels like yesterday my parents had dropped me off at AU at the start of my freshman year. In that time, I have changed my major, held down two jobs, acquired a minor, lobbied Congress, written music, gone out with a few guys (ooh la la), studied three languages formally, went back to my roots, went to six countries, and done a bunch of other crazy things. Now, everyone wants to know, what's next, Katie?

Because I can't keep secrets if they're about me, most people know that I'm applying to Americorps and Peace Corps. The Americorps program I want would be for this coming year and Peace Corps wouldn't happen until next year. I am also keeping other options, such as a year with Tostan, an African organization I really like (the only issues are that I would have to pay for it and I need to speak a high level of French. Also, Americorps and Peace Corps have loan deferment). I would like to give a couple years of service and my passions involve development, business, youth and music. Not that they'll all be married all at once, but I've got the time to explore. At some point, I'd like to go to Italy for awhile, study Italian and music, and just explore my roots a bit further. I figured I might as well do all the crazy gigs now, go after the wildest dreams I have (provided I have the means to do so), before I commit to what people call a "real" job. Let's face it, no employer wants to hear, "I'm going to Senegal for a year, is that OK?"

I have come to realize that there is no reason I cannot do these things. The ability to travel, to give service, to be changed, to learn, to grow, those are all adventures. If I am able to make it work and take care of obligations, such as student loans, then I'm going for it. I'm only young once and I've always been unconventional. I refuse to live with regrets. When I get into a career, a family, grad school, I am IN. I just want to take care of some things first.

As Bon Jovi would say, "It's my life!" We only come around once. I want to say I went after it for all it was worth.

The dreaded six-letter word

2011-01-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

Beauty. This word conveys so much good and yet so much controversy. Ladies, let's admit it. Most of us think we're ugly on some level. Too fat, too skinny, too dark, too pale, too dry, too oily, and don't even get me started on the hair. To make things even worse, society bombards us with images of women with skin so flawless, they have no pores and thighs thinner than my pinky yet stronger than a horse. We deal with pressure from friends, from family, from lovers, from spouses, all who say, "You would look so much prettier if you would (insert drastic, soul sucking change here)" or, "Boys would like you so much more if you would (insert torture worse than Dante's Inferno here)." Even compliments such as, "You look nice," can seem loaded, like, "you're not a stunner or anything but you look OK." Trust me, if anyone has struggled with any of the above, it has been (and still is) me. However, I think I may have found an antidote.

One, we need to take care of ourselves. There is no need for a fad diet (they don't work) but we should try and eat healthy. Sometimes, we don't have time to cook and we may not have the funds or access to organic goodies, but eating a balanced diet is so crucial to a healthy body, as well as glowing skin and gorgeous hair. Drink lots of water. Exercise according to your ability and your interest (you don't have to be lifting all the time, but swimming, walking, dance class, kickboxing class, Pilates DVD, all of that counts). Exercise gives shape and tone and also is good for preserving health and keeping us young. Of course, hygiene goes without saying and it's good to at least keep our hair trimmed every couple of months. Basic steps like these go a long way.

Two, we need to figure out what style works for us. Some women rock long hair, others short. Some like it straight, others curly. Some want crazy colors, others are more neutral. As long as it's healthy and you feel good, who cares (sometimes, even employers don't!)? Same goes for makeup (hell, if you don't like makeup, don't wear it!). As for clothes, as long as they're seasonably appropriate (meaning, you're not wearing short shorts in a blizzard), clean, and suit you (your style, your shape, your culture if applicable, etc), it doesn't matter! OK, it does, but you can still find appropriate clothing for various occasions that reflects who you are! Find what you like and rock it.

Third, all of the above means nothing if we don't try to develop inner beauty. There is a quiet confidence present in the sexiest of ladies. A woman may not be conventionally attractive yet can stun an entire room with her smile, her laugh, and her impeccable inner strength. There are a couple secrets to achieving this. One, we must develop our skills and talents, knowing we have something valuable to contribute to the world (and acting accordingly). Two, we must be humble and gracious to all those we meet. Now, humility isn't about beating ourselves up. To be humble means to not act either less or more than you are (trust me, still working on it). It means controlling impulses and only acting defensively if there is something worthy to defend (such as our lives or that of someone else's, also principles). Three, we must love other people. While many of us dream of romance, we sometimes forget the love of our family and our friends. In addition, we forget that each person we meet is just another person and should be treated with respect (which comes out of love. Not "warm and fuzzy love" but a desire for good for other people).

Finally ladies, we must love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, there is no point in trying to improve ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, we can't love other people. For the Catholic/other Christian ladies reading this, Jesus even said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Well, if you can't love yourself, you're going to do a shitty job of loving your neighbor!!! My religion teaches that we were made in the image and likeness of a benevolent deity. By nature, we ARE beautiful. Let's start believing it!

Adult Decisions

2011-01-16T12:48:00.000-08:00

It's my last semester of college. What do I do with my life? I mentioned applications for Peace Corps and Americorps but, while I aim to finish the latter app soon, I am not so sure anymore. A few things I want to take care of are starting to take shape, plus there are other opportunities that I feel sound a bit more like me.

I would love to do a year with Tostan. For those that don't know, Tostan is an organization based in Senegal that does work in mostly Francophone West African countries. They are a wonderful organization that is mostly local (99% of the staff is African) and does sustainable work (as in, their communities are not constantly dependent on volunteer assistance). They seek to not only aid communities in improving health quality and education but to encourage democracy via community involvement. As of now, the only issues I have are: A) a need to learn French and B) I would need to raise the money necessary to sustain myself (could easily work two jobs to that end).

Another thing I would like to do is go to Italy for an extended period and study both Italian and music. This is something I have been wanting to do for awhile, especially because there are many programs within the city of Florence that offer these opportunities. Of course, I have other reasons for going to Florence (such as needing to connect with the "land of my fathers") which nearly seals the deal for me.

I would love to do both of these. I'm in my twenties and would like to take advantage before heading to a "real" job, to grad school. I'm only young once. But we'll see what happens.

Can (Predominantly Straight) Men and Women Be Friends?

2011-01-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

I may wonder why I am asking this question. I myself have many male friends. Throughout adolescence and young adulthood, I found I got along easier with boys. They didn't bring their drama into things and we talked about interesting topics such as politics, war and the merits of both Star Wars and Monty Python. Two of my best friends in the world are guys (and they sure like to give me hell..........be careful, I know a female relative in each of your families :D). At the same time, as I've gotten older, I've found myself reaching for my female friends a bit more. While I certainly want my "bros" to stay in my life, I have noticed friendship dynamics changing. As we find ourselves settling into adulthood (including long term relationships and marriage), we also find ourselves adding some consideration for decorum. While I do believe men and women can be friends, I also think that these friendships tend to have more boundaries than same-sex friendships do (assuming, of course, that all parties are straight).

First, there are things I talk about with my girlfriends that I just won't talk about with the boys. These issues range from, "Does this look OK?" to, "I'm on my period, I'm bloated and this SUCKS!!!" Fashion and biology aside, I find I want a female confidante, someone with whom I can just chill and talk about all sorts of things. While some of my male friends are sensitive and compassionate (and I do feel comfortable talking about things with some of them), they can't really play this role. You can't really have a slumber party with your straight male best friend, it looks and sounds completely inappropriate, even if all you were doing was chatting, watching a movie and eating popcorn. I also wouldn't find it appropriate to constantly confide in one guy when you're dating someone else. Sure, you can be close friends, go out for coffee, keep in touch, but there are just lines you can't cross. For me, I feel more comfortable having the "no-holds-barred" conversations with the girls.

Second, sometimes lines get blurry before you even realize it. It's great if it turns into a loving, romantic relationship that ends in marriage. It's not so great when you've been buddies forever and, all of a sudden, you have feelings and he doesn't. Or vice versa. That can make a friendship turn awkward. Of course, then it turns into, "I want to keep our friendship going," but this can prevent people from moving on because there's always that hope. Sometimes, everything turns out fine, especially if there are periods when you don't constantly have contact. It's harder when you see/talk to them every day. Also, sometimes it does turn into a romantic relationship only to end in a really bad breakup and consequent end to the friendship (though, given time, there is the possibility of patching things up).

I think it's good to have friends of the opposite sex. I think these friendships give us perceptions and insights that neither romantic nor same sex friendships can provide. Like I said, I love my boys! However, it is good to be prudent. You don't have to observe every gendered expectation out there (and I would tell you to challenge them). Hell, if none of this post works for you, don't follow it! Just always make sure you consider your own values, your own boundaries (of course, this should go for any friendship). For me, I've had some personal experience with these, which is why I'm writing this post. Good day, everyone!

Going Back to School Tomorrow...

2011-01-07T14:48:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow, I return to the District for the first time in about five months. Having been out of the country, I naturally feel a bit of disconnect. I am nervous about seeing people I haven't really talked to for awhile, especially because I know I've changed. I am also nervous for a different reason. This is my last semester of college. Afterward, I actually need to do something with my life. Hopefully, that something does not involve waiting tables, at least not for too long. What to do, what to do?

I am considering a year with Americorps to work with children and youth. My goal is to finish my application by next weekend. This program would allow me to tutor children and young people, serve as a mentor, work with after school programs, and plan community projects in a U.S. city. Of course, competition is stiff and there are no guarantees for getting in. I also have started a Peace Corps application, knowing it takes at least a year. Work with Americorps would qualify me for Peace Corps but, if Americorps does not work out, I can at least talk to a recruiter about how to make my application stronger.

In addition, I am looking at programs with Tostan, a wonderful development organization (Peace Corps would be valuable but it's not development in the way I see it). The only catch to that is I need to save money and learn French (most programs are in West Africa, particularly Francophone Africa and yes, there is a French requirement). Professors think I should do research but, again, that takes a year to apply and write a proposal.

I would love to come back to Kenya. My colleagues have told me they're praying I come back by 2012. In addition, one of my Kenya mates said to me before I left, "Kenya in 2012?" I want to, but I want to do something constructive. Peace Corps will not send me back to Kenya and Tostan does work in West Africa. I would like to take the opportunity to do something else, but I do feel I left some unfinished business in Kenya. I am still in the "I just got back from Kenya, it was freakin' amazing and now I miss it like hell," stage (yes, there is one, just talk to two of my dear friends). So, I don't know.

Grad school is out of the question for now. The programs I am interested in require field experience first, which is understandable. I also would like to pay off one set of debts before I assume another. I am taking peaks at my friends' GRE books and keeping my eye out for programs but I do want some "real world" experience first. Plus, I can use a break from studying. It's out there but I'm waiting awhile.

So, to anyone who asks me, "What do you want to do after graduation?" the answer is, "I don't know, I'm still figuring it out." Of course, don't expect a five-year-plan and don't expect a run down of what I can possibly expect to do with a major in International Studies and a minor in Economics ("I'm going to make decisions that affect YOUR life!" is my response to that one). I haven't decided if I'm going with God*, the government, or an independent organization, or if I just want a regular job. Hell, I haven't even bought my schoolbooks yet! I can assure people that I will do something I love, I will do something constructive, and I will work my ass off, giving everything I've got. This, I can promise you.

*For those who may be offended about my "going with God" comment, I was going for a bit of snark here. I always go with God, I was simply referencing Catholic orgs (NOT proselytizers) and trying to be just a little cheeky. I do not mean to offend, nor do I mean to jeopardize my immortal soul. Thank you.

Dear Bishop Olmsted............

2011-01-06T10:56:00.001-08:00

Dear Bishop Olmsted,

You never cease to amaze me. First, you excommunicate a nun for allowing a vitally necessary medical procedure in a hospital that's supposed to take care of sick people (including mothers whose first trimester pregnancies may worsen deadly conditions). Second, you strip same hospital of Catholic status (and funding) for allowing these procedures to continue (never mind that this is the only case of abortion seen, that sterilizations are NEVER performed at this hospital, and that a family would have lost BOTH mother and child if this had not been allowed to occur). Third, you stay remarkably quiet on other life issues, including those in need of transplants yet who have lost coverage for these transplants due to state cuts in Medicaid. Nice going! You have shown yourself severely lacking in both compassion and a backbone. You hide behind your cloak of power and prestige while people, including members of your own flock, continue to struggle and suffer. How's that for Christian charity?

Dear Bishop, you are supposed be shepherd, yet I think you forgot a few basic tenets of our faith. First, Christ taught us that part of our duties include feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, healing the sick and many other duties that involving giving charity and dignity to those who are suffering. In the case of the mother, she was in her first trimester of pregnancy (meaning the baby was not viable yet), had a severe lung complication, and could not still be pregnant for the surgery she needed at that moment. This mother was a mother of four, she would have died, left behind these children and, in addition, her fifth baby would have died. Even our Church states clearly that if, during a pregnancy, the woman suffers from a condition where both lives are stake, efforts must be made to save one life. So, even by our theology, Sister Margaret was doing the just thing. She was healing the sick, much like Jesus Christ had commanded us.

Second, I am stunned by your hypocrisy and that of others in your rank. One thing that continues to appall me is the willingness of the bishops to shame politicians for abortion legislation, yet I hear almost nothing if these same politicians choose to support the death penalty, voted to go to war in Iraq (which Pope JPII had referred to as an "unjust war"), cut funding for nutrition programs, cut funding for health care and education, or live morally repugnant personal lives. Our Church demands a consistent life ethic, one that holds that no human life is more valuable than another. Yet, I find that you and others will ONLY support those if they fall in line with the politicians they choose to back. You all speak of abortion out of convenience, yet you choose life out of convenience. These patients have just as much of a right to live as you claim unborn babies do. Yet, you chose to stay silent. Christ never stayed silent. Aren't you supposed to follow his example?

Bishop, life is not a matter of convenience. Life is a gift from God and must be cherished. If that's not enough to convince you, then maybe you need to talk that over with the Almighty. Remember, Christ said not all those who call out, "Lord, Lord" will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. If you denied the poor, you deny Him. Kings have a long memory, especially if they're the King of Kings. I'd rather see you sleepless here on earth than sleepless in Hell. Just sayin'.

Signed,

A Pissed Off Catholic

Workouts are for Women :)

2011-01-05T14:46:00.001-08:00

I cannot say enough about what P90X has done for my life. I've only consistently done it for this past week (though I've tried to follow something similar in Nairobi, when I didn't have it). Already, I feel a significant improvement in my posture and carriage, more flexibility, and less stress. I had been trying for awhile to find a physical activity that worked for me, from rugby (yes, I did rugby) to running to workouts you'd find in magazines. I am happy to say that I have found one. I want to encourage all the women in my life (men too, but especially women) to find something that works for them and stick with it. In addition, I'd like to bust some myths.

1. Workouts make you look manly: Look ladies, if you're not pumping steroids, you don't have that much to worry about. You can do pull ups, lift weights, and do crunches all day long but you still won't gain a manly physique. We don't have the testosterone for that. Actually, if you lift weights, as a women, you typically go for a lighter weight and more reps, so you'll get a long, lean look. In addition, you'll have a more developed shape and better posture. Strength training also helps us keep our bodies strong for childbirth and builds and maintains bone density (preventing osteoporosis). Finally, it can work to prevent heart disease and a variety of cancers. What's not sexy or feminine about THAT?

2. Workouts are boring: Not all workouts are as seen on TV. Go for whatever turns you on. Do you like kickboxing, yoga, ballroom dancing, swimming, running, or cycling? Go for it! Of course, don't forget other aspects of your fitness. You may love cardio, but strength and flexibility are important components. At the same time, you can find fun ways to incorporate all components. Talk to your doctor or a trainer at your local gym.

3. All workouts are too intense and I'm too out of shape: I cannot emphasize the following enough. START SLOWLY!!! The only reason I can do P90X is because I was already in relatively decent shape to begin with. I had to walk everywhere, I was waiting tables (manual labor if there was any) and I was going to the gym at least three times a week. Even if you get outside for a walk for thirty minutes, you're already making change. Some movement is better than none and, if you start at a level too high for you, you put yourself at risk for injury. There are light options. Again, talk to your doctor or a trainer about these.

4. I can just lose weight with a pill or diet: First, unless this is to improve a medical condition and was prescribed by a good doctor (not one who simply wants to make nice with Big Pharma), skip the pills. They're dangerous, they've got side effects and you just don't need them. Second, yes, diet is important but not a fad diet. You need to eat a balanced diet (with whole foods), supplement for what you're not getting (vitamins and good workout drinks are helpful), and drink tons of water. At the same time, it's not everything. Exercise does even more to help maintain weight by increasing metabolism. It helps you maintain your shape and works well with a good diet. Bottom line: if you want it, you have to work for it. That's the only way to get lasting results.

Ladies, I ask you to consider the following. We are more likely than men to get osteoporosis, are at risk for heart disease as well as a variety of cancers and are the only ones who will participate in childbirth (the most arduous work a woman will have to do in her life). Wouldn't it be nice to keep our bones intact, prevent diseases that can strike us down before our times, and have an easier time bringing some bundles of joy into the world? I don't know about you, but I want to run after my grandkids and lift them up when I'm old. I want to be around for the crazy adventures I plan throughout my life. And, if I can look great in my grad dress in the meantime, that would be awesome. Hence, I keep up with my P90X. Let's bring it!!

Dean Obeidallah and Race

2011-01-04T05:01:00.000-08:00

My family and I were watching Axis of Evil last night. I first heard of it in my World of Islam class sophomore year, when a classmate used a Dean Obeidallah clip for a presentation. Now, my family has Netflix which means I was finally able to watch the entire show. Of course, there was a lot of laughter in the Gerry household. In addition, there were some deep thoughts, particularly when Dean Obeidallah mentioned what it means to be white. He said that white isn't necessarily a color but a status. He meant that in the sense of, when white people do bad things, no one blames it on every white person they see. Whereas, if one Arab or Middle Eastern person does something for example, they must all be responsible.

It was definitely a moment for me. I have tried to explain the concept of white privilege and found I could not put it as well as Mr. Obeidallah has. The truth is, white has so little to do with the shade of one's skin. If it did, Jews would not have had to suffer as much as they did and, for a long time, were not even considered white in the eyes of the U.S. Italians and Irish weren't even white for a time (now, you know something's up when they don't think the Irish are white and I've known my share of blonde Italians, northern and southern). Rather, white is more of a concept. It's about who's considered worthy of fair treatment in the eyes of the law, of business, and of society. It's about who's considered cultured, civilized, and contributing. That's something people don't really understand.

No, people should not use their race or past treatment to justify criminal actions. No, people should not use it to hamper their own development because they're afraid of "acting white" or "abandoning their roots." At the same time, there is a real difference in treatment. My black and Latin friends are more likely to get followed (by security in the mall and cops on the road) than I am. Even acts such as speaking Spanish result in being treated differently (friends and I will get asked about citizenship and ethnic origin because we chose to practice our Spanish that day). Jewish friends of mine have gotten accusations about money habits and their role in the death of Christ. Muslim girlfriends of mine have stories of getting harassed or asked ridiculous questions because of how they choose to cover and friends and family get "randomly selected" by airport security just because they look Middle Eastern. Now, Muslims can be white, people from Central and South America can be white, Jews mostly are white, and black people can have white ancestry. But none of this matters because having white skin is not even enough to be considered white.

Yes, things have come a long way. They're still not perfect. We need to keep going as a society, to keep improving ourselves and the lives of others around us. If we truly believe as the Declaration states, that "all men were created equal", we need to start treating each other like it. Instead of fighting over who gets to be white and who doesn't (regardless of who actually has fair skin or not), we should eradicate that idea and start seeing people. Otherwise, we will continue to give our enemies the fuel to destroy us.

New Year, New Me

2011-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of 2011, I have already done a few things that surprise me. Due to the extreme amount of change I underwent in Kenya, I decided that I would switch a few things up yet again. Here's what I have done so far.

1. Got a perm. Yes, yours truly is a throwback to the 80's anyway, with her socks-and-pumps, leggings, U2 obsession and huge earrings. I decided my hair should reflect this. You see, I've always wished my hair was curly. When I was little, I had every set of rollers imaginable. As I got older, I would curl my hair for special occasions to hear my girlfriends say, "You look so HOT!" Inspired by this confidence, I decided to go for it. If it truly went to hell, I could just shave my head and start over (OK, maybe not that far). However, I find I like it a lot. I feel more confident about my looks and style and I can now say I love my hair.

2. Got a P90X kit. I am not always good about working out. I try to be but I find I'm just not that disciplined. However, when I'm home, I use my parents' P90X kit and find Tony Horton to be the greatest motivator (and ass-kicker) of all time. I not only do it every day, I don't even hit pause or fast forward like I usually would for a DVD workout. In addition, due to a physically demanding job, a love for travel (a very strenuous activity) and a family history of osteoporosis, I figured it was high time I put on some bone density. Yes, my life is busy, but I can put an hour in each day. I'm at my prime, I need to build up my strength for later.

3. Went to Times Square for New Years Eve. Yes, everyone says it's overrated but I figured I should do it at least once. For me, it was like Inauguration. It was crowded, it was miserable, I couldn't even leave to go to the bathroom. However, when the clock started counting down from one minute, I found it was the magic everyone thinks it is. I never felt so proud to be from this area like I did while listening to Sinatra croon as I'm escaping the crowd at midnight.

4. Decided I am actually open to a romantic relationship. For all who know me, this took AWHILE. I tend to be guarded and I think of my boys as my bros (particularly my "Godfather crowd", you know who you are). However, after a few experiences in Kenya and in the U.S., I realized I wouldn't mind welcoming someone into my life. Just because I am an independent woman who values work and loves to travel does not mean I cannot find someone who values the same. We'll see what happens this year. I am just happy knowing that I'm open.

Love and Peace, everyone! Happy New Year!

"Well, I know you were influenced by......."

2010-12-10T12:16:00.000-08:00

I really hate hearing this in debates. Yes, we all have biases, due to our upbringings, our status in society, and a multitude of other factors. At the same time, I find people use this one when they're so sure they are right that they pity your inability to come to their truth. I hate hearing this line because the person using it basically uses it to smear any credibility you have, usually without knowing or considering your life story, your thoughts, or your reasoning. I'm not going to lie. It pisses me off.

Guess what? I'm young. Yet I'm still an adult, I still possess a brain with relative intelligence. I've been living pretty independently for someone who is still in college. Hell, I've been living in Kenya for the last three months. Unlike most of my elders, I grow up in a much different time, in an era of constant exposure to information and enough mental stimulation to send the entire Roman Empire into a perpetual state of sensory overload. Thus I am quite capable of finding information, analyzing it and deciding my viewpoints on various topics after having that exposure to different viewpoints. It's how I've formed (and CHANGED) my political views, how I've researched for my IR and Economics courses and how I've decided (questioned and evaluated) my own religion. After living in Kenya, I've been exposed to even more diverse viewpoints, extreme situations and have been forced to reconsider views I long held to be sacred convictions. So, yeah, I think. I think a lot. I still have to make a decision about what I think.

No one decides my viewpoints but me. Not my parents, not my Church, not a rock band, not my friends, nor anyone who manages to sweep me off my feet. Yes, they've all shaped my viewpoints, somewhat. However, at the end of the day, it is I who decide what I believe and what I will stand by. I'm the one who stands before God. He gave me the gift of free will. Why don't we all do likewise?

I know I write about abortion a lot.........

2010-12-04T21:55:00.000-08:00

Women's health has always been an issue of passion for me. I remember being ten and wanting to be a doctor, "the kind that delivered babies." Even today, I still waffle about going into nursing, midwifery, or public health or even back to a medical school path. At the same time, I remember being pro-life. In middle school, I accidentally found a website with photos of aborted babies and it haunted me. Even earlier, I remember being a second grader in Catholic school, being told (likely on the Roe v. Wade anniversary, it was January) that we were going to have a moment of silence for "unborn children murdered by their mothers." It horrified me. I think I came home and asked my mom about it and I wonder how uncomfortable she must have been with it. It seemed to always be part of my life.

My thoughts and beliefs, my ideas haven't changed. I still think abortion is hard. I don't think most of us wake up in the morning and think, "I'm going to have an abortion." I find that yes, there are ways to reduce the need. However, I have come to see that there are times when it may be necessary. Times such as, two doctors think this woman will die or harm herself. Times such as, birth will kill the baby. Times such as, there is just no other way for my family right now. I think we should absolutely provide more support to women who want to keep their babies, support such as, increased chances for education and employment, affordable housing, fair practices in the workplace, paid maternity leave, access to childcare and healthcare. I also think there should be increased sex education and access to birth control (hey world, married people use contraception too). I don't think most pro-choice people only support a woman's desire to abort. Choice also means the choice to give birth, whether to parent or place the baby up for adoption.

I also don't want women to feel their only option is to engage in dangerous activities to end pregnancy. I don't want women to feel trapped by issues (such as health) that make it impossible for them to have a baby. I don't want a girl, a little girl, to die giving birth (and lose the baby, too) all because she was abused. I don't want women to be without access to procedures that could save their lives (abortion procedures are also used to help with a miscarriage, to ensure that a mother doesn't get an infection). Finally, I don't think medical decisions belong in the hands of politicians or the public. What happens between a woman, God, and her doctor should remain between those parties.

I probably wouldn't have an abortion. I do still consider myself a Catholic. I do support organizations on both sides that genuinely want what's best. I still want to ensure that all women have access to health care that is right for them. I'm not God. I don't know all women's situations and reasons. I don't think it's fair to paint all women or all doctors with a broad brush. Women need to be trusted. End of story.

Older Post But Still.......

2010-12-02T05:51:00.000-08:00

Some people in my life are extremely shocked by my switch from pro-life to pro-choice. I will admit, if you had told me three years ago that I would switch, I would have called you a liar. Back then, I was so committed to a pro-life vision, even planned on going to medical school to become a pro-life doctor (and would not have offered birth control *shudder*). Back then, I was also still pretty naive. I was always able to have good dialogs with pro-life and pro-choice friends yet I still believed in it. That was until I realized something: an ideology that puts an unborn's rights above all else can actually serve as a detriment to the child and the mother. It was when I started reading stories like these that convinced me to change my mind. Yes, this is a January post, but think about it.

If we were to give full legal rights to an unborn baby, what does that mean for the baby's mother? Let's say, she has a smoking addiction or a drug problem. Withdrawal is hard enough on an adult's body and can prove dangerous for a fetal one, so doctors will either put women under very strict care or tell them to wait till the baby's born (many rehab centers won't take a pregnant woman for liability reasons). With regard to smoking, they may think it's healthier for her to quit after birth for the same reason. Should this mom be put to jail for child endangerment?

If so, where do you draw the line? Should women be arrested for drinking alcohol, even one sip of champagne at a party? What about eating too much fast food? Or not exercising? Or not taking prenatal vitamins? What if women get so sick from morning sickness, they can't keep anything down and have a difficult time gaining a healthy amount of weight for the baby? (No lie, that DID happen to a friend of mine). If a baby is stillborn, should she be charged with manslaughter? What about if she miscarries?

Finally, what if a woman aborts a pregnancy? Should she be charged? I hear many pro-lifers say no, that she's a victim. OK, does that mean she doesn't have the agency to make a decision with full knowledge and consent of will? At the same time, is she really a murderer?

Having health issues during pregnancy sucks. Going through the pain of a miscarriage or stillbirth or having to make the decision to keep or terminate a pregnancy is extremely difficult. With all that pressure, do we need the State cracking down on every personal and private decision we make?

Finding a Mate

2010-12-01T18:54:00.000-08:00

Oy veh. Dating. Those two syllables are enough to send shivers down my spine. As a young teen, if you asked about my relationship status, I probably would have told you dating was a fate worse than death. Even today, my response is usually to laugh in someone's face and make a snarky comment about not wanting to commit incest (as my male friends are "brothers" to me). Honestly, it scares me. It's not because I fear commitment. I've come to realize it's because I want it too much.

In reality, I don't want to date lots of people for fun. I'd rather learn about people, discern if there's a mutual attraction, compatibility in personality, values and life goals and, once I find that in a person, marry him. However, I find that I simply am not ready for marriage. I have hobbies, talents, and dreams I'd like to pursue first and I find my life simply moves too fast. After graduation, I don't know what will come next and I'd like to make a decision without a relationship deciding for me.

Then there's the issue of my "dude friends." I have a lot. People say the ideal person is found in someone who is already your best friend. Here's the issue. Some are truly like your brothers in the sense they may be good buddies, they may be attractive, and they may be someone you mesh with but you feel related to them. You don't feel a romantic context is possible. For friends that have the potential to be "something more", the prospect is terrifying. Especially if you are emotionally close, the risk of losing a dear friend to a bad breakup can seem too costly. Or, you may put yourself out there only to realize your feelings are completely unrequited and then it's just too embarrassing to try and go back to where you were. Though many couples are together because of a friendship, getting past that first barrier is a wee bit difficult.

Then there are my values. On the one hand, my Catholic faith is important. I attend Mass every Sunday, I do believe in things like Confession, I want to marry in the Church and raise my kids in the faith. I also don't want to have premarital sex. For some people, this is a problem. At the same time, I am very liberal politically and believe in gender equality (I probably won't take a man's last name when I marry). I've found it difficult because I know guys who will respect the faith aspect (as in, they'll go to church with you or couldn't care less if you did and wouldn't mind marrying/raising kids in church), are liberal themselves or respect a liberal viewpoint, but still expect premarital sex. On the complete opposite side of things, there are guys who would respect the premarital sex decision, go to church and practice the faith, but they'll tend to be much more conservative about even non-political issues. For example, there are those Catholic guys who think girls shouldn't take birth control pills for their periods (a situation I am currently in). Or there are those who insult other faiths which, as a descendant of Protestants and Jews and as someone who has friends of all faiths, would not sit well with me. And, I'm sorry, but I can't be with someone who defends the Pope in cases of sexual abuse committed by clergy yet thinks a woman who makes a difficult decision to abort a pregnancy due to health or caring for other children should be excommunicated.

My conclusion? I do hope to be with someone at some point. In truth, I'm not a complete cynic about romance. I understand the time will come and I will be ready to pursue it. I'm just realizing why, even as my friends are marrying, I find it so hard to cross the first bridge.

Women's Health, Lives, and Autonomy

2010-11-26T23:53:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, I never would have guessed I'd be writing this today. I would have been shocked at myself, fearful of my immortal soul, and wondering whether I was committing acts of good or evil. Yet, I have realized that I can no longer espouse an ideology I've held so dearly. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not pro-life.

I can no longer accept a movement that places women's health and lives on the back burner. I can no longer accept a movement that spreads misconceptions about health care in their quest to fight for an agenda. I can no longer accept a movement that puts the onus of reproduction completely on the woman, regardless that it takes two to have sex, regardless of whether she even consented to sex. I can no longer accept a movement that will do everything possible to criminalize abortion yet do absolutely nothing once the baby is born (granted, there are good pro-life organizations, like Feminists for Life and others that address needs for fair pay, maternity leave and others but they are not the majority, nor are they the ones leading the pro-life movement). I can no longer accept a movement that fails to do anything about pregnancy prevention (again, there are the pro-life organizations that work on that but, once again, think of who's LEADING).

I will admit, there are good pro-life organizations that do awesome work with regards to addressing needs for policy and comprehensive sex education. There are conservative pro-life organizations that do not work to deceive people but are up front about the services they offer and referrals they provide (in fact, abortion clinic counselors will refer patients to some of these honest ones, if she decides after all that she wants to keep the baby). There are those who live it with their lives, who take in women with no place to go, adopt children no one else will adopt (older children, children of color, children with disabilities), and give time and effort to fighting hunger and other wonderful causes. I have utmost respect for these people and hope that we can all work together on gaining rights for women and children.

At the same time, I cannot believe that making abortion illegal will solve problems. It will not solve the problem for a girl so desperate, she turns to a coat hanger or harsh chemicals. It will not solve the problem for a woman who has health problems and could die in childbirth (not to mention that usually, there are also health risks for the baby). It will not solve the problem for women who will lose their jobs, be trapped with an abusive partner, or be put out of streets (I understand that there are larger issues involved, but a baby may mean she can't buy time). It will not solve the problem for a woman and her husband struggling to provide for kids they have already and spending sleepless nights wondering how they will keep their house or provide groceries.

Do I like abortion? No. I will still work for policies to reduce the need for abortion. I will still work for policies to allow for maternity leave, access to health care, harsher punishment for rapists and abusers (as well as a greater involvement of good men to support women in all of their choices and stand up for equal treatment), access to education and job training and comprehensive sex education (as well as access to birth control). I will still support the good organizations that offer a helping, non-coercive hand to women, whether pro-choice or pro-life. At the same time, I cannot consign the women in my life to coat hangers and back streets. After living in Kenya, where the results are more painful, I can no longer say abortion should be considered criminal homicide.

Regardless of what anyone says, I still hold true to my faith and beliefs. These include a just, forgiving, merciful God who understands more than all of us what suffering is like (as I do hold belief in Jesus Christ). I hold true to a belief that God hears the cries of desperation in mothers and that even He Himself has fought with the desire to create (Noah's Ark, anyone?). I hold to a belief that, as the Holy Mother said, God will cast down the proud and lift up the lowly. For centuries and across cultures, women have been treated as the lowly ones, unable to make decisions. It's about time that this changes.

Will abortion necessarily solve all of this? No. But a woman needs to consider ALL of her options when faced with a crisis and be able to exercise her rights to make the best decision for herself and for her family. God gave women the unique power, yes, power and blessing, of bearing life. With that power comes an enormous amount of responsibility. A woman needs to decide whether or not she can accept it.

For all those working for a better world, regardless of which side you've chosen, I salute you. I sincerely hope people will use their fire, their passion for these issues in a creative, controlled manner rather than in a destructive, oppressive one. I hope we can all look at ourselves, in the hope of changing, to ensure we're doing more good than harm.

I don't have all the answers. I just know I am sick of reading of desperate deaths in the news.

"I LOVE the smell of death in the morning!"

2010-11-22T05:23:00.000-08:00

During my time at AU, I have come to appreciate the sensibilities of my vegetarian friends. I love how light and healthy their diets are and I appreciate their reasons for eating as such. Whether to keep themselves healthy, to protect the environment, to make a stand for animals or to follow their God, they have their own reasons for doing so. At the same time, there are those I cannot support. Like any other group, vegetarians have their own proselytizers. Those are the ones who grate at me to no end.

First, I am not a vegetarian. While I do like the idea of becoming a vegetarian, I simply like meat too much. In addition, I have a high metabolism and plant proteins have done little to alleviate this. I need at least a small amount of meat to make me feel full. This actually hits me hard on meatless Fridays. While I like the idea, my stomach has a harder time with it. I am glad I can at least have fish but fish even gets tricky some days. Thankfully, the Vatican does make allowances for people with health concerns. So, while I certainly support reforms in our meat industry (organic meat, better treatment of animals, sanitary and humane slaughter practices) and believe that we all should eat healthier, I do not see myself joining the ranks of vegetarians. I think some vegetarians should keep aware of metabolic differences and tastes of their omnivore colleagues (as well as remember that they too are omnivores by virtue of biological structure). It's not like we wake up and scream, "I love the smell of death in the morning!"

Second, I have a hard time with people who think their way is the only right way. Aside from basic morals and ethics, as well as the laws of our countries (unless they prove unjust to people), there are many gray areas we face in terms of moral and ethical decisions. Whether it's our path to religious salvation, methods of fertility control, whether elephants or donkeys make one a great politician, or which animal is OK to eat on which day, human beings will never agree on these gray areas. A Muslim girlfriend of mine may feel called to protect her modesty via a head covering while jeans and a T-shirt may suffice for me. Likewise, I may have to attend Mass on Sundays, to fulfill my requirements to God but my Jewish friend does not. Our cultures, climates, legal systems, and beliefs may mandate different things for different peoples. I believe vegetarianism is one of those things.

Fight for a healthier world. Fight for fair treatment of animals, whether used in meat or not. Just please accept that my strategies may be different and that my needs may be different. A love of meat does not make one a brutal killer. Just like vegetarianism does not mean you're helping the environment (please tell me you don't fly private jets to make your point to developing nations...............while you criticize people who dare smoke a cigarette.......).

Now, I must finish this post so that I can attend a PETA meeting. What does PETA stand for? People for the Eating of Tasty Animals, of course! Bring on the meatballs!

Average Should Never Mark A Leader

2010-11-18T08:16:00.000-08:00

One of my nightmares may end up coming true. Sarah Palin has stated here that she may end up running for President in the year 2012. Her reasoning? She's just your "average Joe", a "hockey mom" who is just like "everyone else." She believes she can beat Obama because she is not as "isolated" from the American people. Because of her so-called commonness, she believes that this will make her an excellent leader. Naturally, I beg to differ. Aside from the fact that she's really not in touch with most of America (I doubt she even knows what she's saying half the time), I also find that being merely "average" can backfire in your quest to lead a nation.

If you are a leader, it means there is something special in you that calls others to follow. Intelligence, charisma, integrity, compassion, courage, these are what mark a leader. While the ability to relate to people, to listen, understand, and identify their concerns, is crucial, I doubt that it makes one an "average person." Sadly, I find those qualities to be rare. Even in good people, there is a tendency to do what is easy, to follow the crowd. There is the attitude of talking more than listening, of instant gratification, of "me first", of never going one step further that I find in the average person. A true leader makes sacrifices the average person does not make. Thus, I do not think a Presidential candidate should market themselves as average. Nor do I think that the American people should value that over all the qualities I've listed above.

Second, I'll admit, I want my President to be "above average" in a few qualifications. I want my President to be intelligent and well-educated. While a Bachelor's or Master's is not the only thing that should qualify you for the Presidency, I want to see that my President cared enough for her or his education to pursue it full throttle. If he/she doesn't care about his/her own education, how will he/she care about the education of the nation? I also want my President to be wise on foreign affairs, to have traveled a bit. As President, you would have to deal with the leaders of nations, all of which have their own diverse cultures, internal issues, and complex histories. While I wouldn't expect my President to be an expert on all the nations of the world, I'd want them to be familiar with world issues and have some foreign experience. No, seeing Russia from your house is not world experience.

"To whom much is given, much will be demanded." To be President, much IS demanded. The Presidency is no average job. It is a job that demands energy, service, sacrifice, foresight, quick decisions, and integrity. Why should we give it to an average person?

If I Don't Like You

2010-11-04T02:42:00.000-07:00

This is not meant to be a hostile post. Rather, I've found more than a few things that irritate me. What irritates me most, however, is when other people make it clear that they would not associate with you yet, at the same time, will pretend you're their best friend when they see you. Like, they'll be overly nice to you in public yet either treat you like scum in private or talk to you in a condescending yet saccharine manner no matter whether you're in public or private. On the other hand, should you call them out on it, they will deny it (even if it's obvious, which does little more than insult your intelligence) or throw a fit when you respond to their overtures with markedly less enthusiasm.

Let me preface this by saying that I don't believe in hating people. However, I also finally acknowledge that I'm not going to mesh well with certain people and that I may not come to like them. Now, I don't believe in ardently praying for their death but I also believe in being honest with yourself about feelings you may have for other people.

Thus, if I don't like you, the following goes.

If I don't like you, I'm not going to respond to you with more than politeness. I'm not going to say I'm happy to see you when I'm not. I'm not going to open up about my life to you because I don't trust what you'll do with it. I'm not going to invite you on outings, drink with you or shower you with affection. If I found you dying or cold on the streets, I would do what I could to save your life and, if you were hungry, I would feed you. That does not mean that we are going to love each other forever. If you are in authority over me, I will treat you with respect but I won't go out of my way to suck up to you. I still have my dignity.

I understand people wish to be civil and I do believe in that. I also will acknowledge that I am not perfect and certainly have no right to claim moral high ground. At the same time, I really don't like this attitude of pretense to avoid humiliation. I don't like the idea of refusing to stand up to people simply because we're afraid of not making waves. I think it prevents us from being honest and true and I find that idea very depressing.